Page 1

CHAPTER 1

blue

THE LAST DAY OF HIS SOPHOMORE YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL

T his day had come way too fast.

Maybe for Holden and Christy, Anna’s uncle and soon to be aunt, this would be one of their best days. But I already knew it would be one of my worst. And Anna’s too. What had I been thinking when I let my dad talk me into moving to the West Coast? The only way to be farther from Anna and still stay in the U.S. was if we were moving to Alaska or Hawaii.

Cali-freakin-fornia.

I shook my head, so angry at myself.

I knew nothing about the place other than what I’d seen on TV or heard from Dad’s brother, Uncle Van. Sure, there was the beach and the year-round, warm weather. But I couldn’t care about any of that. Not when it was missing the most important person.

I looked over at Anna and tightened my hold on her waist.

How was I going to live without her? Her hugs? Her sass? Her kisses? Her laughter?

Dad’s incessant, pestering words filled my head. If you want a future with her, you have to find a way to provide for her. Football is your best shot at doing that.

He wasn’t wrong. Anna was high quality. Way out of my league in every way. If I wanted a chance at a future with her—and I did, more than anything—I had to make something of myself. And that wasn’t going to happen staying in Seddledowne. Going to California meant I had a good shot at a college scholarship, which would lead to the NFL. If I went pro, I’d be worthy of Anna.

I glanced around at Dupree ranch. It was a perfect backdrop for what was about to go down. I tried not to be jealous of Holden, who was the luckiest sucker in the world right then. He was about to go all Beyoncé and put a ring on the left hand of the love of his life. I was way too young for that. But if I hadn’t been, I would’ve shoved him out of the way, sat Anna in the chair Christy was currently occupying, and done a little kneeling of my own.

Ford, another of Anna’s uncles, was playing the guitar and singing a ballad about purple elephants and…I strained to decipher the words…Mountain Dew. Yeah. Bro was definitely zooted.

Big purple elephuuunts

Drinkin’ Mountin’ Deeeew

Trunk full of soduuh

What eeeelse they gonna do?

Stompin' through the jungle

All fizzy an’ green

Weirdest safari

That I've ever seen

Ford’s only saving grace was that Holden was too far away to hear the lyrics. But we heard them loud and clear. I think Christy’s parents, who were visiting from out of town, could hear them too. The look on her mom’s horrified face said so, anyway.

Anna snorted next to me.

I let out a low chuckle. “Pretty sure that is not what Holden wanted when he asked him to write a song for the occasion.”

She giggled. “Definitely not.”

I looked at my watch. 3:32 p.m. One hour and twenty-eight more minutes until I had to say goodbye. My palms tingled and my throat threatened to close up. I swallowed and flexed my fingers trying to shake it off.

The warm May breeze fluttered the rose petals at Christy’s feet.

I heard Anna sniff next to me and I knew she was thinking about the goodbye that had been looming over us all day.

“I love you,” I whispered as I leaned my nose against her hair. I had to hide those three words from her Uncle Silas. He was basically her dad now that her mom, his twin sister, Sophie, had passed away. He said we were too young to say that to each other. But I knew what I felt and I wouldn’t hold back today.

She peeked over at me with tears in her eyes. I love you too , she mouthed.

I’d said it at least fifty times today—as if getting those words in as much as possible might make what was about to happen less painful. My eyes grew wet as I thought of how I wouldn’t be able to touch her tomorrow. Or the next day. Or the next. I blinked and tried not to think about it.

Anna’s basset hound, Huckleberry, plopped down on top of my feet. I bent down and pet him on the head, taking the chance to brush away my tears. When I stood back up, Anna beamed at me. She always said Huck was a good judge of character. It made her happy that he liked me so much. I picked up her hand, twined our fingers together, and smiled.

“Stay back,” Ashton, another of Anna’s uncles, hollered over the guitar. Ford’s girlfriend (?) was hanging on his arm. He tried to shake her loose. Ashton said he was pretty sure Ford had met her on the bus trip down here. They both smelled like beer and gas station hot dogs. I didn’t know if she was drunk or bored, but she tightened her hold on Ash, giggling.

“Huh,” I said. “That’s…something.”

“She gives me the ick.” Anna shivered.

“Seriously.” Ashton held the woman at bay with his pointer fingers forming a cross. “Get.”

Christy cackled and slapped a hand over her nose and mouth. Anna snorted and I felt her ribs shake with laughter. I wanted to hug Christy for making her laugh. And Ash, and Ford’s gas station hookup girl. Anything to make Anna happy for a few minutes.

Holden, who was standing in front of Christy, swung his head around and shut everyone up with a terrifying glare. When he was satisfied we were all going to behave, he dropped to one knee.

“Awwww,” a very pregnant Lemon said off to my right. She looked like she was holding back tears. But she was nine months pregnant, so she cried at everything.

I heard tires crunching over gravel in the distance. Dread entered my stomach and somehow I knew it was my dad’s car even though I couldn’t see it. I wouldn’t put it past my dad to pick me up early. He was itching to leave. He’d wanted me to skip the last day of school altogether but I refused.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out enough to peek at the screen.

Dad

Time to go. You have thirty seconds to say goodbye.

I groaned quietly. “My dad’s here,” I breathed.

Anna’s fingers dug into my forearm. “No. I get you until five.” Her eyes were pleading.

My phone buzzed again. I swore under my breath as Holden began his proposal.

“I’m so sorry. I have to go,” I whispered as Dad’s car came into view. If I didn’t, Dad would make a scene, and Holden looked like he was about to have an aneurysm as it was.

Anna’s eyes turned down and she let out a deafening sob she’d probably been holding in all day.

“Oh my gosh,” Holden groaned, annoyed. “I barely even started.”

“It’s not you,” I said as Dad’s car pulled to a stop fifty yards away. “I’m sorry, y’all,” I gave everyone a wave. “I have to go.”

“Seriously?” Silas growled. “I thought you told him to come at five.”

“I did,” I said, my cheeks hot. My eyes skittered to the car, wondering if I could beg for a few more minutes. Dad threw his hands up and I knew that was a no-go.

I glanced back at Anna—my favorite person in the world. My dark haired, dark-eyed beauty. How I’d snagged her, I didn’t know. But these past nine months with her had been the best of my life.

Tears were already pouring down her cheeks, the pain in her expression gutting me. I didn’t want to do this. How could I leave her behind? How could I leave Seddledowne? It was the only place I’d ever called home.

“Blue!” Dad yelled through the open window. “We’re leaving! Now!”

Anna flung herself into my arms as if she could stop me from going. Her head burrowed into my chest. I couldn’t hurt her like this. What was I thinking?

But there was no going back now. My dad would never allow it.

Dad revved the engine.

I needed to get out of here with the shred of dignity I had left. So I pressed a kiss to her hair and gave her one more hug. Then I dropped my arms and took a step to go.

“No!” She grabbed my arm. “I don’t want you to go!”

I glanced at Lemon and Silas for help. I didn’t have a choice. Lemon held up a finger at Holden, asking for his patience.

“Go on.” He nodded. “We’ll wait.”

Lemon took Anna from me. “I’ve got her. We’ll walk you to the car.”

“I got it, babe,” Silas said, trying to spare her the effort. Lemon waved him off.

I took a step toward the car, blinking back tears. But Silas stepped in front of me, blocking my way. I looked up at Anna’s dad-uncle. She called him her Duncle. He and Lemon were her guardians now that Anna’s mom had passed away. Silas had taught me so much about what it meant to be a real man. Not like my dad. But someone who was good and kind. Firm when necessary but patient and gentle at all other times. I was going to miss him and I could tell from the look he was giving me that he felt the same.

His ridiculously long arms pulled me into a bear hug. It took my breath. Not the intensity. Just the action. My dad never hugged me. Ever. And this was the first time Silas had ever done it. I pounded him on the back.

“See ya, Mr. D.,” I said as I stepped away. I had to go before Dad began honking the horn. Or before I broke down like a baby.

Silas nodded and I swear he was about to cry. I knew I’d won him over but I guess I didn’t realize just how much. I forced a smile.

Anna tackled me, practically knocking me over. I squeezed her to me, her body shaking in my arms.

Man, I loved this girl. With my entire heart. There wasn’t a single thing about her I didn’t love. Her goodness, her sense of humor, her beauty, how she’d befriend anyone, especially someone who was friendless. How hard she loved me.

Lemon peeled her off of me and I let her, but only because I really did have to go. I turned again for the car.

“Bye, Blue!” Christy yelled. Everyone else followed her example. But I couldn’t look back. I could barely breathe. I knew if I let myself glance at this family who’d taken me in as if I was blood, I might not be able to leave. So I went, one step at a time, my personal death march, all the way to the car.

Lemon had been Anna’s mom’s best friend. Normally, Lemon was very chill and not one who liked contention or disagreements. I think at that moment, she was doing what Anna’s mom would’ve done. Because she rolled her shoulders back and waddled over to the open car window. “Hi, Mr. Bishop,” she said sweetly. “Since we weren’t expecting you until five, I think you’ll understand if these two need a minute.” She gave him a stern look.

Though he looked livid, he nodded. “One minute.”

Lemon waddled off, standing fifteen feet away, giving us some privacy. She looked like she wished she could do something to make it better.

Anna and I stood by the car, hugging. I gulped back sobs, trying to be strong as she fell apart in my arms.

“Please don’t go.” Anna wept against my collarbone. “I can’t do this without you. Please stay.”

“Hey.” I cradled her perfect face in my hands. “It’s going to be okay,” I choked, even though it felt anything but. “I’ll be back for two weeks at Christmas. And then next summer, I’m spending the entire summer here with you and Mom and Colt. We just have to get through this next school year.”

Her hands wrapped around mine as a tear slipped down her cheek. Then she shook her head. “And then you’ll leave again. I can’t.” She gasped. “I can’t do this.”

“Hey,” I repeated, quieter, forcing my tone to be calm even as panic clawed at my chest. I needed her to do this. I was all in. I was going to wait for her. But she had to wait for me too. It had to be mutual if we were going to make it. I brushed a tear off her cheek with my thumb. “Big picture, remember? We can do this.” She nodded but she wouldn’t look at me.“Two years of high school and then I’ll get a scholarship to Tech or UVA and we’re in the clear. I’ll be right back in Virginia. Right back with you. Then when we’re done with college we’ll get married and we’ll never have to be apart ever again.”

The passenger window rolled back down. “Minute’s up!” Dad yelled from inside. “Get in the car. Now.”

“Hold on,” I growled. “Just give me half a sec, okay?” He didn’t understand and didn’t care either. All Dad could see was the nationally renowned football program waiting for me at Oceanview Prep. Dad didn’t give a crap that I was leaving Mom and my little brother, Colt, all alone. Or Anna. He only saw her as a distraction.

“No.” He swore. “We’re going now. Get in if you know what’s good for you!”

I hopped in the car but rolled the window down and leaned out.

Sobs wracked Anna’s torso. I smoothed her hair back and pulled her to me. Then I pressed one last kiss to her lips. “Big picture.”

“Yeah.” Her sobs were coming harder but she was trying. She forced a smile. “Big picture.” She patted the base of my neck. “You have the necklace?”

I lifted it for her to see. “I’ll never take it off. Ever. I promise.” I tucked her bangs behind her ears so I could take one last look at her beautiful face. “I love you. All to pieces.” It was something she’d taught me. Something her mom used to say to her before she’d passed away.

“Love you too. All to pieces,” she whimpered.

The car started to move. She gripped my hand. “Blue!” she yelled as we reversed. “Blue!”

My dad floored it, ripping our hands apart.

“Put your head in! And roll that window up!” Dad barked. “You’re letting all the mosquitos in.”

But I was still hanging out of the window trying to see Anna until the very last second. Dad punched the master control, forcing the glass up, cutting me across the stomach. I dove over the console and into the back seat, my eyes trained on her as she grew smaller and smaller in the distance.

I shouldn’t have looked back. That was a mistake. The windows were dark with tint. Anna couldn’t have seen how hard I was crying. But I could see her, crumpled in on herself as Lemon wrapped her in a hug. Until we rounded a corner and she disappeared from my sight.

That goodbye haunted me past the Mississippi, beyond the Grand Canyon, and all the way to the Pacific Ocean. But it didn’t stop there.

No. It’s been with me every day since.