Page 20

CHAPTER 20

anna

Can we all just take a minute to welcome our newest member and an old fave to the Dupree Family Chat?

Blue

Oh, wow. Anna, we might need to talk. One week and you’ve already added me to the family text thread? I think we might need to slow this down. That’s a lot of commitment. Feeling a bit suffocated over here.

Oh, really? You didn’t seem the least bit suffocated when we were making out a few minutes ago.

Duncle Silas

Excuse me? Making out?

Aunt Lemon

Do it. All the making out. Hi, Blue! Welcome back!

Duncle Silas

What kind of surrogate mother are you?

Aunt Lemon

The kind who tells her surrogate daughter to do exactly what her real mother would. And I think we all know Soph was a big fan of a good make-out session.

Ashton

Sophie was a fan of a lot more than making out. How do you think Anna got here?

Duncle Silas

Which is exactly why no one should be encouraging these two to make out?

Blue

I, for one, am extremely grateful for Anna’s timely arrival into the world, however unconventional it might have been. And for her epic make-out skills.

*blushes* Thank you. Thankyouverymuch.

Duncle Silas

Blue, go cut a switch.

Aunt Christy

Yay! Blue is here! Hi! *waves*

Blue

What up, A.D. Dupree?

Uncle Holden

Welcome, Blue. Great game last night, btw. Glad to have more testosterone up in here. Now we’ll really outnumber the women and drive them crazy with all our talk about sports.

And making out.

Duncle Silas

NO MAKING OUT.

Aunt Lemon

Okay, guys, while we’re all here, I need a little help. Silas still isn’t on board with naming the baby Sophie. I say we open it to a discussion. What say you?

Duncle Silas

No discussions. I didn’t see any of them around when we made the baby.

Uncle Holden

Thank goodness for that.

Duncle Silas

Or do you need a refresher course on the birds and the bees?

Aunt Lemon

Oh, trust me, I remember how babies are made and how we made this one specifically. #anighttoremember #Silashasmagichands #Silashasmagiceverything

Duncle Silas

Good Lord.

Aunt Christy

Ha! Go Lemon!

Ashton

I think I just barfed in my mouth.

Uncle Holden

bows down to Silas*

Duncle Silas

I can’t believe I’m related to any of you right now.

Aunt Christy

I vote Sophie!

Ashton

I agree. Somebody’s kid should be named Sophie. I mean, come on. Instant legend.

Ford

I came for the make-out part of the discussion. I say we get back to that.

Granny

Gramps and I vote Sophie. He can’t text right now. His arm is up the uterus of a cow. I can’t wait to hold that little munchkin!

Duncle Silas

No rushing things. Baby Clementine isn’t done baking yet.

Aunt Lemon

So we’re all in agreement? Sophie Jane Dupree?

Duncle Silas

Hello? I supplied the sperm. I should get at least half the say. Clementine Grace.

Aunt Lemon

I’m not naming my baby after myself. It’s so pretentious.

Duncle Silas

Men do it all the time.

Because they’re pretentious.

Aunt Christy

Amen.

Uncle Holden

Uh oh, boys. I feel a man-hating rant coming on.

No rants. I love you all. Especially Blue.

Blue

Thanks, babe. Love you too.

Aunt Christy

Awwww.

Oh, but not Ford. I’m still mad at him.

Ford

Seriously? You just made out with Blue. That wouldn’t have happened if it weren’t for me!

Blue

Ford, if it helps, I am most definitely not mad. Not even a little. Especially when Anna and I are making out. Thank you from the very bottom of my heart.

Ford

*offers fist bump*

Blue

*bumps back*

Duncle Silas

Both of you go cut your own switches.

Aunt Lemon

Anna, what do you think? Sophie Jane?

Momma would be honored. I can’t wait to meet my sister-cousin, Sophie.

Duncle Silas

Am I invisible over here? Nobody gives a crap about my opinion?

If you name her after my spit-fire twin, you are asking for nothing but trouble. If this baby is anything like her namesake, she will run us ragged.

Uncle Holden

He’s not wrong. Remember the time Sophie ran me over with the side-by-side, all because I stole a stick of her gum? I swear she had those sticks numbered. I still have a scar on the back of my right calf.

Granny

In her defense, it was about the tenth time you’d done it. Did you ever do it again?

Uncle Holden

Heck no. But I’m still a sucker for cinnamon gum.

Ashton

Remember how I thought I was adopted until I was eight? She kept insisting I was when no one was around.

Ford

Or how she always called me by anything but my actual name? Chevy, Cadillac, Volkswagen, Mitsubishi, Suzuki. Daihatsu. Is that even a real car brand?

Aunt Lemon

Silas, remember the time she dropped our biology teacher’s car keys in the incinerator after she gave the entire class F’s on that midterm? She made those tests unpassable. And when Ms. Benedicter accused her in front of the principal, Sophie burst into tears. The principal sided with Sophie.

Duncle Silas

Benedicter was the worst. We studied eleven hours for that test. ELEVEN. Poor Marcy Dunningham almost lost the valedictorian spot because of that.

Uncle Holden

Sophie could cry some crocodile tears. But she was a champion for the underdog.

Duncle Silas

She was. But also a big old pain in the butt. I’d like to thank you all for proving my point. Clem, if we name her Sophie, we won’t get a minute’s peace for the next eighteen years. Probably more.

Aunt Lemon

I can’t wait! So everyone agrees on Sophie? No one’s going to be mad if we take the name?

I vote Sophie!

Blue

I second Anna. Sophie!

Uncle Holden

Sophie! I miss that woman. I hope the baby is just like her.

Aunt Christy

Sophie!

Ashton

Sophie!

Granny

Double votes for Sophie!

Ford

Yeah, sorry, Si. Sophie for life!

Duncle Silas left the conversation.