Page 23

CHAPTER 23

blue

I leaned back in my chair, completely stuffed, looking around for Anna. She’d been quiet all through dinner. I would’ve chalked it up to being around a lot of new people, but after Cici and Mallory baited her, she’d barely looked at or spoken to me. Even when she sat next to me all through the meal.

With her plate hardly touched, she’d excused herself to use the restroom over ten minutes ago. One of Kate’s delectable rolls sat in the middle, a quarter of the center pecked out. If Anna couldn’t even finish a roll, something was up. That girl loved carbs.

I reached for my phone in my pants pocket, wondering if I’d missed a text from her. Maybe she needed feminine products from the car. No. There was nothing there.

Dad kicked my foot under the table. “She doesn’t have to be right next to you all the time.” Clearly, he wasn’t thinking about the fact that Anna felt like an outsider here, that these were not her people, and it was my responsibility to make sure she was okay. I shot him a dirty look, stood, and dropped my napkin onto my plate. Then I went searching. Upstairs, downstairs, in the front yard. No Anna. After checking the entire house a second time, I came back through the kitchen.

Kate gave me a sad smile. “I think she’s outside.” She nodded toward the sliding glass door.

Sure enough she was out there, alone, way over by the edge of the golf course, overlooking a small pond. The rays of the setting sun glistened off the ripples of water and Anna was staring at it, stone still, hugging herself. When I got closer, I realized her teeth were chattering. But she must not have cared because she just kept standing there, gazing off into the distance.

“Babe, what’re you doing out here? You’re freezing.” I wound an arm around her and rubbed her shoulder. But she was stiff, like she didn’t want me to touch her. So I dropped my hands and stuffed them in my pockets, giving her space. Her eyes were fixed on that sunset and I wondered if the burning I saw in them was from the golden rays or her irritation about earlier. “Anna?”

She just shook her head, staring out at the water.

A feeling of dread I knew all too well settled in the middle of my stomach. This was all too much. She was going to dump me.

“Hey,” I folded my arms, forcing myself not to touch her. “I’m really sorry about those girls. They’re just…jersey chasers. They were purposely gaslighting you.”

She shook her head again, still staring.

My hands went to the back of my head. “Please.” I let out a ragged breath. I couldn’t handle uncommunicative Anna. “Whatever it is, can we just talk about it?”

She finally looked at me, her eyes so sad. “Why do I have to give everything up?”

“What do you mean? Hey.” I smoothed her hair.

“You’re going pro and I have to go with you. We already know long distance doesn’t work. We’re making do for now but we see each other every week. What happens if you move so far we can’t hop in the car for a night?”

“Oh, babe.” I pulled her against me, so relieved she wasn’t breaking up with me. “You don’t have to give up anything.”

“Yes, I do.” She sniffed and laid her head on my shoulder. “I can’t stay in Virginia going to vet school for four more years. And if I go to vet school in whatever place you end up in, if they even have a vet school, and you get traded, then I’m stuck there alone and that’ll suck.” It all came out in a gush. “So, what? I can never become a vet? How is that fair?” The pain in her voice was undoing me piece by piece.

“Oh my gosh,” I laughed even though none of it was funny. “The coaches’ wives gave you a PhD in NFL life, didn’t they? And now you’re super overwhelmed.”

Her entire torso shook, half laughing, half crying. “Yes, and I know that wherever you go, I have to go, and of course that’s what I want. I don’t want to be away from you. But that means no vet school, and it’s my dream. Ever since I was a little girl.” She wiped her cheeks, looking at the ground. “But I’m conflicted because…you’re my new dream.”

I lifted her head, forcing her to look at me. “Did you just quote Flynn Rider?”

“Uh huh.” She sob-laughed, a huge tear plopping onto her cheek. “It’s a great line.”

“It really is.” I wiped it away and kissed her cheek, completely gone for this woman. “You’re my new dream too. And my old one. You’re in every dream I’ve ever had.”

She slid her arms around my back and hiccuped a sob. “Yeah. Pretty much. Why didn’t you tell me about all of this?”

My molars ground. “I just…I was putting it off. We just found each other again and everything’s been so perfect…”

“You can’t do that,” she whimpered. “If we want a future together, we have to plan together.” Her fists gripped the back of my shirt. “You do want a future together, don’t you?”

I rested my cheek against the top of her head. “Yes. You don’t need to wonder about that. Of course I do. That’s all I want.” I smoothed a hand over her hair, just loving her for a long moment.

Her fingers trailed along my spine. “I’m sorry I’m not satisfying you.” It came out small and shaky.

The change of topic was so sudden that it took my head a second to realize she’d changed it. I realized I needed to make something clear.

I trapped her face in my hands. “You listen here. I’d rather spend fifteen minutes holding your hand than all night with either one of them.”

Her brows knit together in mock seriousness. “But not more than a night with both of them at the same time.”

I scoffed. “Anna, you’re sexier in a pair of sweats than they would be buck naked. Don’t you know that?” But her dubious expression screamed that she didn’t. My hands slipped under her jaw, forcing her eyes up. “I’m sick that I didn’t wait for you. I’m going to regret it until the day I die. I hated who I was then. I hate the choices I made. But I love who I am with you. And I wouldn’t trade what we have for sex with anyone else. I hope you know that.” Her cheeks were a gorgeous dusty pink but I wanted to see if I could make them to go a little deeper. “I mean, if you offered, I’d have you in the bedroom so fast you’d need a neck brace. But I want you to be ready. I want it to be amazing, just like our first kiss was. All our kisses. And if that means our wedding night then that’s okay with me. More than okay. I’m just so freaking thankful there’s going to be a wedding night.” Eventually. It was the time frame that I was struggling with.

Her eyes were hooded and soft. “I don’t want you to carry that weight until the day you die.” She crossed her hands and pushed them out the same way an ump declares someone safe. “Clean start, beginning now.”

I huffed out a laugh. “Who are you? Are you even real?”

She smiled but it was tinged with confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Most girls want to punish a guy for much lesser things.”

Her hands curled around my forearms. “Well, they’d be silly then. We were apart for four years and I missed you every second of them. All I wanted was to be with you and now you’re here. Why would I spend one more minute living in the past?”

“Good grief.” I kissed her forehead, overwhelmed with awe. Always in awe.

She looked at the ground, chewing her lips into a twist. “The coaches’ wives said we should just go ahead and get married,” she said, like the idea was ridiculous.

“I’d be okay with that.” I put my mouth next to her ear. “Since we’re waiting, I say we do it sooner rather than later. Like next weekend. Or if you need a little more time to pull together a wedding, how about over Christmas break?”

She slapped me on the chest. “I’m not ready for that. My age still has the word teen in it.”

“Fine. We’ll get married in July. On your birthday. I might make it that long without combusting every time you touch me. Possibly.”

“Blue.” She cocked her head. “Be serious. After vet school.”

“Oh, I am one hundred percent serious. I am seriously going to explode if I have to wait four and a half more years to make love to you. Just spread my ashes in the ocean. That’s all that’ll be left.”

She giggled, which then morphed into more crying.

“Hey.” I smashed her tight. “I’m just kidding. Sort of. Not really. But I do want you to be happy.”

“I know. I just feel like I’m always giving something up. First, I had to give up my mom. Then I had to give you up in high school. And now if I want to go with you in the spring, I have to give up vet school. I feel like no matter what I do, I’m selling half of my soul for the other half.

My gut clenched. How were we going to make this work? The coaches’ wives weren’t wrong. Every fear Anna had just voiced was fully probable.

I leaned my cheek against hers. “No. You’re not giving up vet school. I don’t want you to give up another single thing. There has to be a way we can make it all work.”

But she offered no solutions and I had none to offer either. So we just stood there, clinging to each other, uncertain and terrified, the setting sun as our backdrop. If we were meant to be, something would work out. Wouldn’t it?

“We’ll figure it out,” she said in an unconvincing hush.

“Yeah. We will.” I forced myself to sound confident. “Together. Always together.”