Page 2 of All The Way Under

Giving up sailing sends a lump of lead to my stomach because I know she’ll strong-arm me to obey her wishes in some form or another, but this voyage is what’s important to me. I’ll do anything to make it happen.

My dad saves me. Like he always does. He slides into the room, scraps of metal in his hand. The man is constantly working on taking something apart or putting something back together in his free time. He says it quiets his mind. I wish I had something other than sailing that did that for me.

“How are my girls doing?” he asks, a smile beaming. Bronwyn got our dad’s olive-toned skin and toothy grin. I’m Mom’s twin with Dad’s mind. It’s like being trapped in a beautiful cage with all the wrong tools to escape.

“Mom said I could do the record sail,” I say, tone high and voice quick. “The big one we’ve been preparing for.”

Dad grins, so I bluster on. “She gave me some qualifiers, because nothing is free with Bianca’s bidding, but she said I could do it.” Hopping up and down in tiny little steps, I finish, “I’m so excited. You’ll help me finish off the checklist, right?”

His eyes light up like they do anytime he looks at me and my sister.

“You can count on me, Sweet Pea. We’ll get her safe and secure in no time,” he replies. “You were nearly there the last time we checked her out.”

Mom lets out a tortured moan. “The way we’re even talking about this right now is ghastly. We should be planning an engagement party or a spring mixer, not a dinghy ride, Roger.” She calls it a dinghy this time to offend us both, her narrowed blue gaze bouncing between us.

Dad leans over and puts a hand on Mom’s shoulder. “It’s not just a boat ride, honey. You know how much sailing means to me. Well, it means even more to her. It’s scary to think of her out there by herself, but this could be her life’s great adventure. We can’t stand in her way.”

That’s the catch. Alone. Without a crew. That’s the record that hasn’t been broken before. It’s easy to do something like this when five people are taking turns. Everyone is well-rested and highly skilled. To do something like this alone is unheard of.

“Plan the spring mixer. There’s no reason we can’t do both, Bianca.

” Dad waves his arm out to one side, fingers splayed toward the grand window.

“Picture it. A seaside soirée, clinking champagne flutes, floppy hats, and crisp linen. Saylor’s boat will be anchored on our beach, right over there, and everyone can take a tour of the craft before she sets sail and smashes the world record. You can decorate it.”

I must hand it to him. He’s animated, convincing, and giving Mom exactly what she desires to make our lives easier.

“All our friends will be captivated by Saylor’s quest. It’s going to be fantastic. The party of the year. Nothing less than perfection. They’ll be chatting about for months.”

“When you put it that way, I think this could be a wonderful thing, darling,” Mom says, eyes twinkling with wild, albeit expensive, plans.

Dad winks at me, then smiles when he sees how happy Mom is. “It’s going to be fantastic. Sweet Pea, tell me all about your plan. What’s left of the checklist?” he says, holding out his arm to the hallway that leads to the kitchen.

We can’t talk about sailing in front of her, or all the tech projects we’ve installed, either. Tech bores her because it also confuses her.

We leave Bianca to her own devices, scribbling down ideas on a half-wet cocktail napkin she pulled out from under her novel.

The piece of junk Dad is fixing clunks on the kitchen counter.

Black dust leaves a film on the stark white marble.

It doesn’t belong there. I don’t belong here.

Dad doesn’t either, but he’s adapted like a chameleon.

“You’re going to have to take all the precautions that you can, Saylor.

We’ve been talking about this trip for a long time, but now that it’s real, there are real conversations we need to have.

There are protocols, and bail out spots, and not to mention the hostile waters you’ll have to travel through if you’re taking the agreed-upon route.

” He clears his throat. “The world record-setting path,” Dad amends.

I’ve planned it all. There are plans and contingency plans. There are ports marked on my charts, and the highest quality of navigation gear is purchased and installed.

“I know. I’ll show you everything. I have it all laid out and written down in the passage plan. I’ll email it to you.”

He narrows his eyes as he slides a finger across the black dust to make a “t.”

“I overheard the conversation before I walked in,” he says, eyes flicking away from mine. “Archie wasn’t ever going to be your forever, Sweet Pea. I’m sorry you went through that with him.”

“It’s fine, Dad. I was just trying to do what Mom expects of me.

Archie was a mere figurehead—a guy I knew she’d approve of.

Figured if I could keep her happy in one area, she’d let up in the other areas, where I’m not reaching my potential.

” I air quote the last word. “I delayed the master’s with work for longer than I thought possible. ”

He cups my cheeks.

“You reached your potential the second you came into this world, Saylor Wyndham. The way you look at life is something I’ve always admired.

You will be the one to follow your dreams and create a life so fantastical it will be beyond your wildest dreams. Archie wasn’t a man who deserved to be on that ride with you.

You’ll know when you meet the right person.

He’ll challenge you, but he will never break your trust, or your heart. ”

I nod. “That’s it. She challenges you. That’s why you love her,” I say, drawing a circle in the black dust next to his mark. “Doesn’t it feel like a…a pain in the ass?”

Dad chuckles, eyes crinkling in the corner.

“She’s my pain in the ass,” he replies, holding my wrist to stop me from spreading his mess. “I wouldn’t have it any other way. She brings my life full circle.” He laughs softly, his face wrinkling in a comforting way.

I think about what my mom said on my twentieth birthday. You’ll only regret the wrinkles you didn’t tap with Botox, darling. Nothing else that’s regrettable can’t be fixed. Here, Dad is in all his perfect, natural, wrinkle-filled glory, and no one loves Dad more than her.

Shaking my head, I move out of the way as our home chef bustles over to clean the counter where we’ve made a mess.

“Sorry, Angie. I didn’t realize this was that dirty.”

He picks up the piece of metal, and Angie wipes the marble, a smile playing on her lips.

“We’ll get out of your way.”

He grabs an apple from the fruit dish, and I follow him out to the garage.

“I’ve been working on this one all week,” he exclaims.

I see that it’s part of an engine he’s working on. A ride-on lawn mower. We might be wealthy, and Dad grew up wealthy, but this man still does everything he can on his own without hiring help. Sitting on a little stool, watching him fix things, is my earliest memory.

“A week? Not time to throw in the towel and buy a new one? It must be really broken.” I emphasize the really by raising my eyebrows.

Dad is a mechanical engineer, so this hobby makes sense. As a software engineer, it doesn’t bore me, but it doesn’t make me as excited as he is. I prefer code and virtual systems.

“Your mom only lets me mow the side lawn by the garden these days. The gardener does the rest. I have some time before it needs mowing, but I don’t give up on things when they’re hard,” Dad says, picking up another piece outside of the engine.

He makes eye contact with me over his shoulder. “Never have, never will.”

I grin. “That explains so much more.”

He chuckles. “Hand me the torque spanner.”

I rifle through the top drawer of his red toolbox and find it. “What millimeter?”

He tells me, and I hand it to him.

“If you don’t want to do your master’s degree, you don’t have to.

You know that, right? Sometimes Mom is set in her ways of thinking things need to be done a certain way.

She’s sharp how she goes about it. If you’re anything like me,” he says, looking at me with raised brows.

“Then more school is the last thing that’s going to make you happy.

You’re rising through the ranks at Wyndham Technology without my help because you’re a brilliant engineer.

It comes naturally without sitting in lectures. ”

He moves back to the exposed engine.

“Go sail. I’ll take care of your mother. She’ll come around. Don’t let her qualifiers scare you. You’re an adult now, Saylor. Do what makes your heart happy.” He pauses. “Your job will be here when you get back. No one can spitball big-brain ideas like you. Martin said you constantly wow him.”

Dad’s great-great-grandpa started Wyndham Technology, and luckily for him, we’ve all been math-brained and love the family work. Martin is my boss, but I do find him asking me things I’d expect him to know.

“We love you no matter what and no matter how,” Dad adds.

He always says they’ll love me no matter what. Angie pops her head in and asks, “Salmon and quinoa?”

“That sounds great,” Dad replies. “With a Sauvvy B for Bianca?”

I cackle at the use of Mom’s nickname for Sauvignon Blanc. “I love your salmon, Angie. Yes, please. Sounds great,” I say.

“I would never serve salmon without Bianca’s favorite Sauvvy B,” she replies, lowering her voice, a smirk on her lips.

It’s like we’re in the normal club at the Wyndham Manor, and Mom can’t know it exists. Bronwyn used to be part of the club before she moved out. It’s getting smaller and smaller. Poor Dad will only have Angie soon.

Our chef heads back inside, and I’m left watching Dad tinker. I take my seat on the stool and watch him in between going over my sail plan and schedule. It’s just like old times, except there’s promise on the horizon—something exhilarating brewing.

I email the sail plan documents I’ve been working on for weeks to my dad when I’m sure they’re perfect.

“For the first time in my life, I’m doing something I want to do.

No one can tell me to act a certain way or dress a certain way.

No one is watching my mannerisms to make sure I’m behaving in a way dictated for me since birth.

I can just be myself. Saylor’s Delight is going to set records. I just know it.”

Dad stands, hands on his hips. “There’s nothing that makes me happier than seeing you and your sister following your dreams.”

Bronwyn followed her escape plan, not her dreams, but did happen to fall in love while doing it. Lucky rat.

There is a touchscreen panel on the wall that helps communicate with almost every room in the house.

It’s as if my mom hears my excitement about something she has no part in and must interrupt.

She beeps in. “Darling, when you’re finished, join me on the deck before dinner.

I have big plans for our party, and I need to share them with you. ”

“Of course. Give me ten,” he replies to her before she clicks off. He ruffles my hair, gentler than he used to do when I was a kid. I tell him I emailed him the plan, and he promises to go over it tonight. “This is the beginning of something fantastic, Sweet Pea. Your grand adventure”

After I kiss him on his scratchy cheek, I skip out of the garage and into the foyer. My cell phone rings in my back pocket. It’s Bronwyn’s ringtone.

“You already heard the good news,” I chirp, heading toward the kitchen stairwell.

We don’t get cell service in the elevator. Despite all the code and tech in this house, it’s insane we haven’t been able to fix it. I concluded it was built this way for a reason. It’s a dead zone.

Bronwyn jostles the phone, then says, “No, I didn’t hear anything yet. I want my cashmere sweater back. I just bought a long silk skirt, and it will match perfectly. Edmund is taking me to the Savoy Cellar this weekend, and I want to wear it.”

I round the first set of stairs and begin the second. Our house is large by our neighborhood’s standards. By the average American standard, it’s monstrous. I’ll be out of breath soon.

“I’ll have to make sure I have it at home. There is still a closet full of clothes at my apartment in the city,” I say. “Not that the Savoy Cellar isn’t exciting, but they agreed to let me do the sail, Bronwyn. I’m going to leave next month when the tides are perfect.”

“Are you kidding me? Not that I’m not excited,” she says, her voice lacking all enthusiasm. “But didn’t you say the prep would take years?”

“Yes, the prep takes years. I have been working on this for so long and know I can be ready quickly.”

She stays silent but for breathing, then finally says, “I have a bad feeling about this, Saylor, but I know nothing will stop you from trying. Mom agreeing to this is insane. I can’t even imagine what she made you give up.

” Bronwyn knows, because she’s experienced it as well.

“I don’t know what you have to prove. You’ve already won sailing competitions.

Everyone knows you’re an excellent sailor.

The whole thing seems unsafe and unnecessary.

I don’t want to sound like Mom, but you are my only sister. ”

Even Bronwyn, my biggest fan and cheerleader, is concerned, though it would be suspect if no one cared at all, I suppose.

I’ll prove them all wrong. I must. It’s going to change my life completely.

It will fulfill me in a way that nothing else can.

And if it doesn’t, I can at least say I tried before I throw in the towel and become Bianca 2. 0.