Page 6

Chapter 5

A Truth for a Truth

Mara didn’t wait for me to ask about her secret. She shifted forward in her seat and blurted out her next words as if the knowledge was bursting out of her, but she kept her voice hushed. “Do you know how vessels share their light, Alula?”

Her question, and the grim look in her eyes, made me feel uneasy. Males couldn’t wield naturally; I knew that. Yet the way vessels shared their light with the most deserving males of our wing was a closely guarded secret, even from acolytes. I had never questioned how until now. Why hadn’t I questioned these things before? They were obviously on Mara’s mind.

What was it about tonight that was bringing all of this up between us now?

“Not really. Wielding requires touch, so I assume we will touch people. Maybe draw a sigil on them?” I glanced around, but while there were many people watching us, no one was close enough to hear us amongst the din. “Why?”

“It’s more than that. There’s a reason we aren’t told until we become vessels. It’s because there’s no backing out once we’ve ascended.”

“What does that mean?” Her words had a mix of confusion and dread clouding my thoughts.

She hesitated and shifted her gaze, looking over my shoulder instead of meeting my eyes. “More than touching, Alula. It requires a deeper connection, and the quickest way to create a connection when one doesn’t exist beforehand is…through sex.”

Her words were whispers I barely heard, but they hit me like a punch. All the breath whooshed out of my lungs. That couldn’t be right. “The goddess would never expect that of us.” I felt the truth of my words, but they came out more like a question.

“The goddess wouldn’t, but our elders would, and they’re the ones with the power in this citadel.”

She was right. The elders guided us in the goddess’s place. The same elders who kept us isolated and ignorant. “How do you know this?”

“People talk, Alula. Just not to you.” She winced at her own words, but they were the truth.

The little I’d eaten felt like a lump in my stomach, and a cold sweat broke out along my spine. I’d long ago sworn to endure anything to become a vessel, believing if I achieved that, I’d connect with the goddess, figure out what was wrong with my light, and everything would be okay. I’d been single-minded in my pursuit of that goal. But what if the horrors were worse on the other side? What if she still wasn’t there?

At odd moments over the years, I’d sometimes thought I’d sensed her hovering unseen, usually when I had a rare moment alone in a quiet space. In here, within this vaulted marvel where we honored her, I couldn’t sense her at all.

Shaking my head, I tried to shove down my horror and focus only on the next obstacle in front of me. It was the way I’d endured being an acolyte for so long—forcing myself to only deal with one challenge or punishment at a time while shoving down everything else to deal with another day. Only now, the days were rapidly disappearing, and my future was looming large.

“What do consorts do?” The words came tumbling out in a rush before I could think to stop them.

Mara’s eyes widened again at my question, but her voice remained hushed. “The consorts facilitate all requests for light-sharing with their vessel. They basically control who their vessel has physical contact with, including sex.”

Suddenly, the Aedis felt like a scene from a nightmare, and I was desperately hoping I’d wake up any moment now. It made no sense to me.

“Why would males volunteer to do that? What’s in it for them?”

“They get power, prestige, and political advantage—all the usual things that matter within our society.” Her words took on a bitter edge as she leaned back and wrapped her arms around herself, as if trying to protect herself from the very idea of a future so horrifying.

I looked around the room until I located my mother’s consort hovering up the back, looking as oily and smirking as I remembered. Flashes of words and parts of conversations that had never made sense as a child rushed at me, causing Mara’s proclamations to make horrible, sickening sense.

Mara went quiet again, and a crease formed between her eyes. I remembered that look. She was thinking hard.

A bell tolled, signaling the end of the meal and an hour of free time for the acolytes to mingle under the supervision of hovering chaperones—the only other females in the room.

We both watched as the central table, still groaning with food, lowered through the floor, and a stone slab with ornate carvings slid into place above it. All the other acolytes rose to huddle in the newly vacant center of the room. An enormous orb-laden chandelier washed them in sparkling light as they gathered, a cluster of jewels ripe for the picking.

Mara shot me a reluctant sideways glance as she got up to join them. There would be no more opportunity for talking tonight.

I stayed where I was a moment longer as nausea swirled. The conversation we’d just had echoed loudly in my head, drowning out the noise around me. How could I talk politely with a male tonight, knowing now what he would be to me if he offered? Did the other acolytes know what was expected of them too, or were they as in the dark as I had been?

I wished I were back in my dorm room, alone, where I could hide under my scratchy blanket. I’d thought I’d feel a sense of achievement, to make it this far—to be so close to my goal after being so focused on reaching it for so long—yet all I knew was a deepening realization that my path, which had once felt so certain, wasn’t what I thought it to be.

I needed a moment to think and to breathe. I looked longingly toward my brother, hoping he could be a buffer tonight, but he provided no escape. Another male I didn’t recognize had him locked in an intense conversation. My gaze snagged on an imposing guardian standing off to the side of them, watching me with a fierce intensity.

Aeron Welkin, the elder’s formidable son. He was impossible to miss.

As the leader of the mysterious Apex Flight, he dressed differently. Lords and affluent males wore long embroidered robes in pale colors, while guardians wore shorter, simple white robes with golden armor on their shins, forearms, and chests, and bows or swords strapped to their backs. The Apex Flight wore no robes at all. They wore brown leather pants and tunics, with an array of knives in sheaths strapped to their bodies. They always stood out when moving around the citadel, and most Neven gave them a wide berth.

Weapons and clothing weren’t the only things that set them apart, though. The Apex Flight comprised the most elite guardians in the citadel. They didn’t belong to any wing but reported directly to Elder Welkin, even though no other elder had their own flight. It was rumored they were the only guardians permitted to leave the citadel, and the only ones with actual experience battling the deadly wraiths on the ground.

Aeron certainly looked the part, standing with his legs spread and his arms crossed over his broad chest, his dark eyes locked on me. I’d caught Aeron watching me a few times over the last year or two when he had visited his father, and his cold, calculating gaze—like he knew all my secret inner thoughts and was thinking up ways to use them to his advantage—always made me intensely uncomfortable.

My instincts told me to flee. I pushed out from my table and stood up, intending to follow Mara and the other potentiates, but froze when I felt someone graze a hand along my bare arm. Touch was something I was unaccustomed to, so the simple contact was unexpected and shocking. I tried to glance over my shoulder, but the scent of musky male sweat and ale assaulted me as someone leaned toward my ear. Too close. A panicky thrum started up in my pulse.

“I’m looking forward to meeting you properly after the presentation, Alula. You truly are the most beautiful potentiate I’ve ever seen. I’ve dreamed about your purity for years, and I can’t wait to offer for you.”

The world seemed to slow as the hand lightly grazing my skin shifted to the edge of my wing, tucked against my back. At the first stroke of a feather, my stasis shattered. I whirled and slapped the male, shocking us both, before I quickly shifted away, putting the chair between us. “Don’t touch me.”

The membrane beneath our feathers was highly sensitive, and our society considered it an intimate act to touch another Neven’s wing. Parents drilled it into their children, and we avoided it in social situations. Right now, given everything Mara had just told me, his overly familiar and provocative touch felt deliberately violating.

“You’ll get used to being touched after I dirty you up a little,” he said, and he ran a hand lightly over the red mark on his cheek, as if in caress. An arrogant smirk spread across his face, making my stomach sink, before he leaned over me and whispered, “You’ll learn to submit properly too. I’ll make sure of it. I plan to gain a lot of political favors out of the fascination over you.”

His words shook me, yet I kept perfectly still as I glanced at the insignia on his chest. I was in trouble. Again. At the center was a crescent moon, which meant he was from another wing and not under my brother’s command. Even worse, the moon had a pair of wings alongside and five stars above it, he was a Wing Commander.

He raised an eyebrow as he shifted back, challenging me to deny him. I had no words, no comeback. I could hardly breathe. He’d all but confirmed what Mara had learned. He grinned at my obvious horror before Haniel yanked him backward and stood between us, his fists clenched, wings flared, and tension riding every line of his body.

“Hands off, Alastor. Her wings aren’t yours to touch.”

“Not yet,” Alastor smoothed down his robes, unperturbed as he eyed Haniel in amusement. “Deliberately touching another Neven’s wing is a serious accusation to make against someone who outranks you. You should reconsider. I’d hate to request your wing commander discipline you. Again.”

Haniel’s body vibrated with rage as he stood his ground. He’d always had a temper. As children, I’d been one of the few people able to calm him. I was desperate to reach out to him now, but I knew that would only make things worse.

“What’s going on here?” My brother’s deep voice at my side had me tensing further. It was bad enough Haniel was now potentially in trouble; I couldn’t risk my brother’s reputation as well. I should have kept my eyes down and stayed still until I could slip away, like I’d been doing for a decade.

I dropped my gaze, desperately hoping not to cause any more trouble. I was glad, at least, that Mara had already moved away.

“Nothing sinister, Kiran. I realize it’s unorthodox to speak to your sister without a chaperone tonight, but your mother is already aware I plan to offer. I apologize for startling her, though.”

“I wasn’t aware you were planning on making a consort offer, Alastor.” My brother’s words were polite, but I could hear the strain underlying them, which put me on edge.

“I’m aware she’s not as strong as some hoped and has trouble remaining suitably pious at times, but I’m sure I can train her properly once I’m her consort. It’s only a matter of time.” His dark, twisted grin turned his already sharp face sinister.

Kiran and Haniel both stiffened. While I didn’t know what Alastor was referring to, I could guess. He had the ill grace to laugh. His confidence, when faced with my angry brother towering over him, astonished me. I felt off balance and afraid. I had no idea how to navigate the world beyond the acolyte chambers.

“What have you done now, Alula?”

That was the last voice I wanted added to this growing debacle. I realized with horror that the entire room had quietened, and I sensed a horde of eyes watching us. Unable to get out any words, I swallowed repeatedly, my throat dry. The mere presence of Elder Welkin made my body lock up tight.

“It’s my fault. I apologize, Elder Welkin. I startled her.” Alastor was all polite smiles and even bowed his head deferentially to the elder, although the red mark on his cheek was clear for all to see, proclaiming my sin.

“I appreciate your graciousness, Wing Commander Alastor.” Elder Welkin’s words were polite, but his tone was hard. “Regardless, her behavior is unbecoming of a potentiate. She is still in my care until tomorrow morning, and her actions reflect upon me. It is time for you to leave, Alula.”

“I’ll escort her back to the dormitory,” Haniel offered.

“No. I’ll escort my sister,” Kiran intervened, already reaching for me.

“Neither of you will,” Elder Welkin snapped. “She can walk by herself and think about her actions. She is undeserving of an escort.”

I heard shocked gasps from nearby males and potentiates alike. It was unheard of for a potentiate to roam about the citadel alone. It would tarnish my reputation irreparably. Elder Welkin turned his back on me and gestured for my brother and Haniel to return to their table.

If anyone else had been considering offering for me despite my shortcomings, they would likely reconsider now.

My face flushed red as I clenched my jaw against the injustice of it all. I’d all but made it, I’d become a potentiate, and Elder Welkin was still persecuting me. Was Mara right about him too?

I refused to look at anyone, keeping my eyes firmly downcast as I moved past them all and made my way to my wing’s archway. Shocked whispers followed me, making my heart ache.

At least I’d gotten my wish. I’d get to spend the evening alone.

Or so I thought.