Page 31

Chapter 30

A Goodbye

Fionn quietly stepped past us toward the door as my mother covered all the orbs except one, dimming the room. Nier’s shadows billowed out and wrapped around my family as well, blanketing us all in darkness.

Mara grabbed my hand, and I gently pulled her closer to me. Her hand trembled in mine, but she was standing strong. She had surprised me the last few days with her resilience. Even my mother and Kiran tensed at my sides, but neither made a sound.

Nier and his brother faded into more shadows behind the door as my father reached it. He looked around to make sure we were all out of sight before he pulled it open. Without a word, he reached out and pulled the young thrall who worked for my mother into the room.

The thrall was breathing hard, and she started signing before she was fully through the door. It looked like she’d been running—her hair was even more unkempt, and a sweat had broken out along her hairline. Her fingers flowed through a rush of movements so fast I could hardly follow it through the shadows.

“Slow down, Cece. I can’t follow along,” my father grumbled, as he signed something more slowly.

Cece bent over while leaning on the wall and took heaving breaths, not paying any attention to her surroundings. Her hand movements became jerky as she tried to slow down while battling her panic.

“Yes, Leora and Alula are here. Why do they need to hide?” my father asked, his fingers rapidly moving and worry making the frown lines on his face deepen.

Cece looked around frantically until my mother stepped through the shadows like they were merely a curtain. Her eyes went wide as she sank to her knees, still breathing in heaving gasps while she answered him.

My mother moved over to my father and placed her hand on his back as she tried to follow Cece’s rapid hand movements. Her eyes twitched as she tried to keep up, but she stayed silent.

“What in the darkness is happening?” Kiran stepped through the shadows as well, trying to get a better view, although he didn’t move closer. He stayed within arm’s reach of me. Tension rode him as he glared at the thrall’s hands. Kiran had taught me a few motions, but this conversation was beyond me.

My mother stayed calm as she summarized, rather than translate, for us. “There are two wraiths loose in the citadel. The Elders suspect Fallen are here too. Guardians are sweeping the towers, confining everyone to their quarters and the Elders in the Aedis.”

“What does that have to do with Alula and you?” Kiran asked. Fear and frustration made his voice hard as his wing-commander training battled it out with his need to be a good brother and son.

“The elders are claiming Alula and Leora let them in,” Fionn added. “They’re hunting for them too. Cece keeps repeating we may be too late to save Alula.”

My mother shot my father a dark look, as if she’d purposefully kept that detail to herself. “We’re not too late.”

Of all the horrors conveyed by those frantic hands, my thoughts stuck on Fionn’s last words. Too late to save me? From being sacrificed in the Sanctorum, or something else?

Nier stepped out of the shadows near the door and stalked toward me, making Cece shriek with a garbled noise from her throat. Raed clamped a hand over her mouth as he flashed out of the shadows behind her.

“We drew too much attention on the way here,” Nier said in a rush, grabbing my hand as the shadows parted around Mara and me. “It won’t take them long to find you as soon as they start searching the town. We’re leaving. I’ll figure out how to get you through the halo.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, the citadel alarm started blaring, urging everyone indoors. Nier ignored it as he started pulling me toward the door, but his brother let Cece go, motioning for to her to stay still, and stepped in front of him.

“We can’t fly out now,” Raed said, a determined look on his face and his eyes locked on his twin as he flared his dark wings to block our path. He looked utterly menacing in the dim light of the room. “Especially with her in tow. It’s broad daylight, and it sounds like every light-damned guardian in the citadel is looking for her.”

“I’m not leaving without her,” Nier insisted.

“Raed is right,” Kiran said with a wince, as if the admission pained him, before he moved over to a window and peeked out of a shutter. He scanned the street before he lifted his gaze to the skies. “I don’t know how many are still on watch if they’re fighting wraiths, but if even one spots us, we’ll all be killed before we can get far if they think you’re working with the Fallen.”

He looked over his shoulder pointedly at the two Fallen in the room before looking back out the window again. I didn’t miss the way he said “us” though, and my heart hammered in my chest. He was going to attempt to defend me. Against everyone he’d spent his life training, and possibly even his own flight. The males to whom he was closer than brothers.

“Alula can’t stay here,” Nier insisted. “They’ve been looking for any reason to destroy her. She’s just never given them anything before now.”

“I agree, but we need to be smart about this. We’re severely outnumbered,” Kiran said, before he paused, his eyes back on the street. “Does anybody know why there are two male thralls in the garden out front, standing guard with rakes?”

Everyone looked toward Cece, and she rapidly gestured to my parents.

“They’re here to help if needed,” my father answered. “They’re guarding the approach. There are thralls and townsfolk who help me placing themselves at strategic points all around us as lookouts too.”

“The human thralls are willing to fight for her?” Raed asked, incredulous. “With rakes? Against wraiths and the guardians of the citadel?”

“It appears so,” Kiran said, a brief note of wonder creeping into his voice.

“The thralls don’t believe the Neven are their saviors,” Fionn said. “They’ve suffered under their tyranny too long. They’d rather fight and die if given the chance. They don’t trust the Fallen either—that would need to be earned—but they’re open to the idea. My black market isn’t just about trade; it’s a network that has trained to be ready for any opportunity to get Alula out.”

“That’s enough, Fionn.” He looked to my mother at her words, and she shook her head, but he doggedly continued.

“The thralls have long told stories of Alula’s connection to the goddess. She’s become a rallying cry for them.”

Almost as one, every head in the room swiveled toward me, and I refused to dodge their eyes. “Adrita already told me about that. I assume she’s part of your network too?”

“No,” my mother answered. “I insisted no other vessels be involved. Too many are broken, and they are constantly being manipulated by the elders. It was too risky. Adrita should not have approached you. I’ve told her repeatedly to stay away from you.”

“Adrita is smart and wily,” Fionn said to my mother. “I’ve told you before not to underestimate her.”

His answer made me wonder who had first used my name as a rallying cry, and if it had been Fionn’s doing, because I couldn’t understand what the thralls wanted from me or expected of me. I wasn’t even sure I liked the idea of being used by the thralls any more than the elders using me, but I could understand them grasping onto any inkling of hope, and could even empathize with it. Hadn’t I done the same the last few days?

“So what’s the plan, then?” Kiran barked. He’d been standing at the window with an unfocused look in his eyes, but now his attention was back on me, and he got straight to the point. “Because I don’t see how thralls, as courageous as they might be, are getting her out of the citadel given that they can’t get themselves out. Does anybody have an actual way out that doesn’t involve taking to the skies? I’ve never been able to figure out how the Apex Flight leave—nobody sees them do it. If not, I’m smuggling Alula to my flight. They’ll help me protect her.”

“We could beat the information we need out of Haniel,” Nier said to my brother. “He’s an ally of the Apex Flight.”

“You heard all that earlier?” Kiran asked in reply, one eyebrow raised. “I didn’t sense you in the room.”

“I was in her bedroom.”

Kiran grimaced but didn’t comment on it. “I’m all for beating Haniel—he has it coming—but they’re just using him. I doubt he knows anything of real value. My flight is our best bet.”

“There has to be an exit in the Sanctorum,” I said, as everyone turned to look at me. “It’s the only place that makes sense for both the Apex Flight to leave and the wraiths to be dropped, unseen.”

“You’re probably right, but you are not going into the Sanctorum, Alula,” Nier declared. “We’ll find another way.”

The four males started talking at once, trying to direct each other on the best course of action, my mother jumping in too. I glanced across at Mara, and we stared at each other as a feeling of helplessness rose. I could see the same emotion reflected in her eyes. We were both tired of having no say in our lives. She gave me a nod as she stepped closer to my side.

“Stop,” I hissed. Everyone turned to me, stunned. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to say, and the stares of everyone in the room made me falter, but I knew I needed to step up. I turned to Nier, my heart in my throat. “We can’t leave now.”

Nier gritted his teeth, and I could see a vein bulging in his temple. “We can’t fight either. We won’t all survive.”

I knew what he wasn’t saying. He’d fight to protect me, but the people I loved may fall. Even with his brother’s help and their shadows, they couldn’t cover us all if arrows started flying. And if the horn had sounded, the guardians would all be armed, ready to unleash a hail of deadly destruction on anything that moved.

“Alula is right. You can’t leave now, not yet,” my mother insisted, stepping forward. Nier’s head whipped toward her, and his glare was vicious, but my mother didn’t even blink. “She’s the only one here with enough light to defeat the wraiths, unless you can show us a better way to do it.”

“She’s right,” I said, finally figuring out what I needed them to hear. “None of us can leave, but you and your brother can.”

“No,” Nier shouted, not caring who heard, as he pulled me harder against him. His eyes glowed with a deep amber fire as I traced his features and committed them to memory. His shout was echoed by my mother, surprising me, but I ignored her for the moment.

“Nier,” I implored, keeping my eyes firmly on him, the way he’d asked last night.

“Do not ask this of me,” he demanded, interrupting me.

My hands dug into the hard muscle of his chest, desperate to hold on, even though I knew I had to let him go.

“You have to, Nier. You cannot help me right now.”

“And they can?” he asked, with an angry jerk of his head toward my family. “They don’t know how to fight a wraith, yet they’re willing to throw you at them? Not happening.”

“You’re right, but you have fought wraiths. You can tell us how, and if my mother and I defeat them, they won’t be able to accuse us of letting them in.”

“You expect me to leave you here for you and your family to fight the wraiths by yourselves?” His bright eyes were swimming with confusion, like he couldn’t quite believe the words coming out of my mouth were the ones I’d meant to say. “Even if you survive that, the elders will kill you to cover up their lies. They can’t risk anyone finding out how the wraiths got here. They’ll need someone to pin it on.”

“He’s right, Alula,” my mother insisted, not willing to be ignored. “He needs to help us fight the wraiths, then you both need to leave. The goddess told me your future would be in peril without the help of darkness.”

I whirled on her. “You also told me figuring out darkness was my path, remember? So let me do it.”

“Fine, but I hope you know what you’re doing.”

Her admonishment had me fighting not to second-guess myself. Once upon a time, I’d thought I knew, had spent years bullishly sticking to my path. Now, I had no real path, but I was trusting my instincts for the first time in a long time, and it felt right.

Mother was no longer looking at me but behind me, staring Nier down.

I turned back to him too, unable to decipher what was passing between them as he held her glare.

“Nier,” I demanded, pulling his gaze back to me. “This is the only way. You cannot fight this battle with me. If you kill any of our guardians while the citadel is watching, you’ll play into every lie the elders have ever told about your people. The Neven will never trust the Fallen, and our people will stay divided. I know it’s not fair, but the elders will use it against your entire people, and there will be another two hundred years of lies. I can’t have that. You can’t ask that of me.”

“You’re asking me to put my people before you, and I honestly don’t know if I can. My brother can go back, find another way. My people need him, but they won’t miss me.”

“That’s not remotely true,” Raed said, his tone hard and angry, but there was a note of hurt in there too.

Those weren’t the words sticking in my head though. Nobody had ever put me first before, not even my brother. That Nier would, was fighting for me to let him, had my heart swelling in my chest until it felt like it had doubled in size. A deep part of me wanted to let him. I risked a glance at his inscrutable twin hovering nearby. Looking so much like him, yet carrying the weight of the world and looking like it was about to crush him. Then there was my brother standing beyond us, looking murderous, even in all his golden beauty. That they were even in a room together would have been unimaginable a few days ago. It was a fantasy. Or a nightmare, depending on your perspective.

To me, it meant hope. That maybe our people could reunite—a possibility I hadn’t even known to want a few days ago. The idea grew and took hold. That wider world I’d yearned for from afar seemed closer than I’d ever dreamed. I couldn’t jeopardize that to safeguard my own safety.

“And what of the wraiths at your door? You heard what your brother said. Your people need you right now, more than I do, and it’s my fault they’re in danger. Could you live with yourself if you abandoned them? That’s not the Nier I know.”

He ignored my words. “Alula, I thought you were done with being blind. Did you not hear, or are you refusing to see? The elders are openly hunting you. Things have changed for you here.”

That stung, but I knew it was said out of desperation. I could see it in his eyes. “I heard you, but I don’t believe Elder Welkin will sacrifice us. He thinks I’m weak, and my mother is far too valuable. I’m not being blind, Nier. I’m making a choice. There’s a difference.”

“What about my choice?” he asked. It was his turn to beg as he dropped his head to mine. “Come with me, please .”

His plea pulled at me, but I couldn’t let it sway me or let him see how much it affected me. We’d known this day would come. This wasn’t his fight. His was on the ground, while mine was in the sky, at least for now.

“And what of my people?” I asked him, my heart breaking at the thought of him leaving, yet knowing this was where I needed to be right now, even if it wasn’t where he was needed. “The threat is not just to me but all vessels. They’re sacrificing them, Nier—the humans too—and nobody in this citadel knows. How many thralls have died? Which vessel will be next? It has to end. This is bigger than us.”

I still wasn’t reconciled to the idea I could maybe be a Leóht, but it didn’t mean I would stand idly by while people died.

The reminder of the very real threat sent chills along my bones. Dying was not something I was planning to do anytime soon. The only way to get him to leave without me was to get him to trust in me. To do that, I had to trust in myself. So, I took a deep, steady breath and forced my heartbeat to slow, which wasn’t easy when he had me wrapped in his arms.

“This light within me is a gift from the goddess. I know I’m only just figuring it out, but I’m not defenseless. I need a chance to learn how to wield it in a way that can help fight back, and I can only do that here. Feel my heartbeat through your shadow—feel me—and know that I can do this. I just need more time.”

He searched my face, and his arms tightened around me as if he sensed me leaving already.

“Nur and the fates are not the only ones nudging right now, Alula,” he said reluctantly, his voice sounding dragged from the depths of him on a long breath. “Darkness is too. He gifted us our shadows so we could protect others, and now he’s pushing me to protect you at all costs. It’s like a drumbeat in my mind that I can’t ignore.”

“Oh.” I was almost speechless. It didn’t change anything for me, though. Not in this moment. For the first time in my life, I felt certain of my path. “Okay. So you’re going to use that gift, and you’re going to help your brother and your people contain the wraiths. Then you’ll come back for me.”

I could see him trying to come up with another argument, racking his brain for anything that would change my mind as his eyes pleaded with me.

His face fell as he closed his eyes, blocking me out for a moment. When he opened them again, there was resignation lurking in the depths, but also something else—something raw that there were no words for, at least not yet. I only hoped we’d get the chance for him to say them one day.

I tucked a floppy curl behind his ear and cupped his cheek despite his fierce glare. I’d already glimpsed the generous heart that beat beneath it. I’d waited so long to feel this connected to another person, to a life I’d dreamed was out there and was now potentially right here in front of me. I could see the ghost of a future I desperately wanted haunting his eyes.

“You’ve always said that you cannot stay and our worlds will never allow us to happen. If we fight to make it happen, maybe one day they will.”

He cupped his hand over mine. “Alula, you push everyone away to protect them, taking on all the harm yourself if you have to. Don’t think I don’t see you too. If you insist on me going, I will, but I will come for you if you need me. It’s going to be you and me at the end, Alula, or there will be no end at all.”

My heart was already more sure of him than I’d ever been of anything in my life. “I know with absolute certainty that when I need you, you’ll be there, no matter what.”

He pulled me in for a kiss that was pure defiance. It was something more, deeper than a kiss. It was a connection forged beyond us, a promise to the deities that watched, and a warning. We would not be parted forever.

He pulled back abruptly, and far too soon. “Don’t you dare die on me, Alula.”

His words and his kiss had me breathless, unsteady, and second-guessing my decision to stay without him as bright shimmers swirled in the air between us. “Don’t you die on me either. I want more of that.”

“Oh my goddess,” Mara whispered, and I couldn’t help a small smile.

His dark smile in response was both wicked and delighted, and I felt his shadow softly stroke the underside of my breast. It had me shivering. My brother’s groan brought me back to the room. I’d almost forgotten anyone else was here, as well as the danger that was lurking. Almost, but not quite.

Nier gave me one last searching look before he stepped away from me.

A distant scream had all of us back on high alert.

Kiran moved to look out the shutters again, looking tense. “The path is clear, for now.”

“So, can you tell us how to kill a wraith?” my mother asked Nier.

He shook his head, and my heart sank.

“We’ve never killed one.”