Page 39

CHAPTER 39

Billie

I can’t believe I just tattooed him. Ford is amazing at what he does. His brother’s skin is a testament to that. I love the tattoo he gave me, and I stare at it often when I get in and out of the shower. And now he has a matching one, which is a little weird but also flattering. And it makes me want to believe that, although he can’t say it in words, that deep down, he feels the same as me.

He makes his way back across the room, not bothering to grab his jeans. Instead, he comes over and stops directly in front of me, his crotch almost eye level with my face.

“Stay tonight?” he asks. And I’m too tired to tell him no. So when he holds out his hand to me, I take it.

Here in his home, it always feels like it’s just the two of us.

Like I’m in a dream.

It feels right.

It’s when I step back out into the world that reality sinks in.

But right now, I wonder if it’s really possible to merge those two things.

Can Ford and I really be something more?

Am I allowed to be carried away by this?

I take his hand, accepting all the consequences that might ensue.

He walks me to his room, and when we enter, he climbs onto the bed with me and wraps his arms around my middle, pulling me to him.

“Why am I here, Ford?”

“Because you should always be here. In my bed. In my arms. No more running away.”

“What does that mean?”

“You know exactly what it means,” he growls. “I can’t be a normal boyfriend or show you all the flowery shit. But I can try to be enough for you if you’ll let me.”

My heart fills, and tears spill over my cheeks as all of my wishes and craziness feel like they’re finally aligning.

He gently wipes away the wetness as I sob. “I didn’t think you wanted me.”

“I’ve always wanted you. I tried to stay away, but I can’t anymore, Chaos. You’re in my blood now. I need you. I don’t know what this might look like for us. I’ll be obsessive. Intense. Probably all the things you don’t want in a man, but I can’t let you go again.”

This is what I’ve wanted to hear him confess for so long, but it’s terrifying because I don’t know how my brother or parents will react. But right now, I’m overjoyed. I want Ford. I don’t want the push and pull of this dance anymore. I know I’m a lot to handle. I’m hot and cold and don’t always react rationally, but I’m certain that’s why we might work. I need someone who can handle me as well. I’m finally relieved that Ford, despite the walls surrounding his heart, is finally letting me in.

I hate the tears that continue to fall as I kiss him softly. “You let me decide that. I can handle you.”

“Is that a threat?” he asks, and I chuckle.

“No more of a threat than your cock currently digging into my ass.”

“Then we agree on something. You and my cock are just as damning and damaging.”

I sigh, a sense of relief passing through me. “Definitely. But always a very good time.” I bite his bottom lip, and he smiles.

He turns me so my back is against the mattress, and it is like being at home.

“Do you remember when we first started this?” I ask, thinking of where it all began.

“Of course I do.”

“And what did you think back then?” I’d never been daring enough to outright ask him.

He seems to think it over, momentarily prioritizing restraint, which I think is rather cute because I can tell it’s taking all of his control and willpower. “To be honest, I was always charmed by you, but I never allowed myself to get carried away with improper thoughts. It wasn’t until that night that I really jumped on the opportunity. You were my friend’s little sister, not someone I should have wanted to crawl between their legs to see what she tasted like.” He pauses. “That night in the club changed everything, even the way I view you. You were a girl willing to take risks and barrel through obstacles to get what you wanted and damn the consequences. I can’t even express how beautiful you are, it’s why I tried to push you away. I wasn’t raised like you, Billie. I’m scared I’ll taint you, make you dirty in some way.”

My eyebrows furrow. All this time, he was holding back, thinking of himself as something less than, and I never knew. I never want him to feel that way again.

“Ford, you make me happy. Well, most of the time.” I chuckle. “You are more incredible than you give yourself credit for. Not once did I think you were less than me. I want you to truly know that.”

His smile is small as he stares into my eyes. “Thank you, Chaos, but some things we will disagree on. I thought you’d get sick of me eventually. But then I became addicted to our lies. I didn’t think when we started that this would be an issue. I was happy to service your needs and benefit in the process.”

I agree with him because I didn’t think this would go on for as long as it has, either. And neither of us seem to know how to cut it off. It’s like we’re drawn to each other without us actually understanding how or why it happened. I’m not complaining about having him in my life, even though he thinks he makes everything darker. He doesn’t dim any of my light. If anything, he embraces the crazy inside me that’s willing to scorch messages in his front lawn and bend me over his knee as punishment for it. Heat starts pounding at my core at the thought, and my gaze lowers to his sizable cock again.

I don’t think I’ll ever truly understand what’s going on in his head, and he may never share that with me, but I won’t force it out of him, even if it kills me on the inside not to know.

“Kiss me,” I command, and without hesitation, he takes me as I am, his hands cupping my face and drawing my lips to his. I taste and bite at him, savoring this moment as he devours me. I never want this to stop. Never want us to end.

I grab his cock—my favorite toy and anticipate his every touch.