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CHAPTER 1

Billie

O ne year ago

He’s across from me, the one who always stares and rarely speaks but will happily take any of the candies I have on me—sometimes without so much as a “thank you.” I never know what he’s thinking, though the others around him are slightly easier to read—in an unhinged way—since I grew up with them.

I know all of these men as well as anyone who’s related or married to them. The one I’m closest with, who just so happens to be the bane and cause of my non-existent love life, is my brother, Dutton. He has issues with men being around me in any context. If a man talks to me, by the next day, he’s actively avoiding walking within my vicinity. If someone asks me on a date, they’re suddenly nursing a ghastly wound. If someone touches me… Well, there have been instances which they don’t reappear. At all.

He’s even advised the two men currently escorting me out of my cousin’s home that if they touch me, he’ll kill them. And they’re friends. So, yeah, I’m royally fucked. He treats me like a child, and my father seems to have no issues with it, going so far as to encourage the barbaric behavior. I’m glad for once he’s preoccupied in Italy for work while I’m home from college for a few weeks.

“Okay, little tornado, I think it’s time we send you back to your palace where you’re nice and snug and where no one can touch you,” Hawke jokes as he throws an arm around my shoulder and pulls me in. I glare at him because I know ordinarily he doesn’t make a habit of touching me, although he does it on purpose sometimes in order to antagonize my brother.

Hawke is the bulkier of the twins, spending way too much time hitting the gym and less on his intellect. The guy’s a moron, but maybe I’m biased. Ford’s body is leaner, but there’s something about him that just sucks me in, like a mysterious vortex. I’ve always been curious to see what I might find if I could peel back his layers. Both of them are heavily tattooed and give off a dangerous vibe, so much so that most people stay clear of them.

“No, I want to go out,” I say, stomping my foot. I’ve already had a few drinks, and I’m not ready to go home yet.

Ford looks up from his phone for what seems like the first time since being here. His dark brown, almost black eyes seem to stare straight through me, and it’s unsettling. “We’re not taking you out. Are you trying to get us killed?”

Hawke laughs. “Come on, little tornado wants to have some fun before big bro comes and spoils it all.”

“I never invited you,” I say to Ford as he intently watches me fish a lollipop out of my handbag. I can sense the shift in his mood the moment I do. It’s almost like rewarding a dog. He’ll really do anything for sweets. “But say if I were to tag along with you two, I’m sure a few hours might be okay, right?”

He stares at the lollipop in my hand as I step closer to him with a knowing smile. The deadly atmosphere doesn’t change around him, but I already know he’s a goner. These two men are lethal, but not to me. They both work for my cousin, Eli, who is now the head of the Monti family, but I’ve never once feared them, especially when I’m offering candy.

“You think a lollipop can bribe me?” Ford asks.

“You’ve never turned down any of the sweets I’ve offered you,” I say as I pop a hand on my hip. “I’ve been super stressed at college. Please let me just have this one night while Dutton is out of town.”

Ford looks at me—really looks at me—as if it’s the first time he’s seeing me. I puff out my chest, trying to make myself look bigger next to his six-foot-two height. His large, callused hand wraps around the lollipop. “Do you have more of those in your bag?”

Little does he know I always carry a packet around with me. At first, they were my favorite snacks when I was studying, but I always carry a bag now when I’m hanging with the twins because I find it amusing that such a scary guy enjoys sucking on lollipops. “More than you can ever imagine,” I reply with a smile. “So, where are we going, boys?”

“Boxers.” Hawke laughs as he slings his arm over my shoulder again and leads me toward the car. I sit in the back seat as Ford drives silently, lollipop hanging out of his mouth. I really can’t believe it’s that easy to convince a guy like him to agree to my bidding.

I look down at my phone and message the guy I’ve been texting with since returning to Manhattan. I only want one thing: Fun.

When I glance up, I notice Ford looking at me in the rearview mirror as his brother flips through songs.

“Have you asked for permission?” Ford asks, obviously having watched me this entire time on my phone.

I pocket my cell as I tell him, “I don’t need to. Dutton may think he’s in charge of me, but he’s not. He’s my brother, not my father.” I flick my hair over my shoulder. Even my father’s not that meddling. My brother is just overbearing and protective. I’m almost twenty-three, for fuck’s sake. I can do what I want.

Hawke passes me a bottle from the front. I frown at it and look at the label. Whiskey. Can’t say I’ve ever really liked the stuff, but I defiantly take a swig. Fuck these guys. I’m sick of people thinking I’m this dainty little princess.

I choke on the harsh burn but take a second sip for extra measure.

Hawke applauds, actually fucking claps like a clown. “Little tornado is going to make a mess tonight.”

I roll my eyes as I pass the bottle back to him. I might think he’s a dumbass, but I really like Hawke; he’s never treated me any differently because of my brother’s influence. And I like the nickname little tornado. He always calls me that because I’m so easily wound up—mostly because of my brother.

I remember the first time I met the twins; it was years ago now. While Dutton and Eli have been friends with them for much longer, I was banned from hanging around his friends even though I saw them all the time. It was only when I turned eighteen and begged to go to the adult parties, that I started meeting people. My parents gave me a pretty sheltered life. Considering our high-profile family, I was sent to private school, and despite how my brother was, I never went behind my parents’ back, never snuck out—never had the need to.

Now, it feels like a bright new world has opened up to me. And even though I’m rarely involved in anything the family does, my brother absolutely hates it and tries to shield me from it. I’m kind of addicted to it, though. So, anytime I come home from college, I love to see what everyone is doing.

By the time we arrive at the club, it’s fair to say I’m drunk. Hawke jumps out of the car, immediately clasping hands with the bouncer. I look down at my phone, waiting for a response from the guy who is most likely going to be a disappointing fuck tonight, but at least it’s something. I haven’t received anything back.

I sigh, and as I go to open my door, Ford opens it for me. I adjust my green bodycon dress as I step out. He’s dressed in black jeans and a black long-sleeve shirt that’s pushed up his arms, exposing a few of his tattoos. I can’t help but look at them and wonder how he does them himself. I’ve never seen him do it, but I heard that’s what he does—tattoo people. And it’s especially hard not to notice the one across his throat that reads Bad to the Bone . I’d probably laugh if he wasn’t so ridiculously hot, in an I-definitely-should-not-touch-this-man kind of way.

I pass Ford the almost empty bottle of whiskey. “Lighten up, Ford. You might actually have fun tonight.” He frowns at the bottle as I walk past him.

I’ve never asked Hawke why his brother always seems like he has a stick up his ass. Frankly, Hawke is probably the only fun one out of the bunch. The rest of our friends and family always seem to have a frown marring their features, like they just sucked on a lemon.

It doesn’t surprise me when I look over my shoulder and notice Ford putting the bottle on the floor of the car, untouched. Instead, he’s sucking on the second lollipop I gave him, the little white stick hanging out of his mouth as he glares at any man who looks at me.

For fuck’s sake, it’s like having my brother here.

Hawke throws an arm around my shoulders to pull me inside with him as if giving me a personal tour. Once we’re inside the club, the flashing lights and pounding music call to me, and the alcohol adds a pleasant buzz. I fucking love dancing, though it might not be the same without the girls. And I sure as shit can’t see either of these two being the dancing type.

Hawke leads us to a seating area, Ford begrudgingly following behind. I wonder if he even likes this type of scene, and if not, why does he come? In fact, I have no idea what his idea of fun is. I never see him drink or party. I wonder if the only thing he enjoys is hurting people.

Probably.

He certainly oozes that type of energy.

Hawke’s arm drops from my shoulders as a waitress starts pouring us drinks without even asking what we want. Obviously these two are regulars. I wonder if my brother frequents this place with them. Then again, I always see them working for Eli, so I suppose this just proves that he does let them have nights off.

Hawke throws back one drink and then two. I follow his lead, gasping at the potent shit. Ford simply takes a seat and pulls out his phone. It reminds me to do the same. Still no message.

What the fuck, dude? Do you want to get laid or not?

Two women approach us and then drape themselves all over Hawke. He’s what we like to call a ladies’ man. He likes to fuck. A lot. Every time I see him, he’s with a different woman. These two climb all over his lap, and another comes along and sits next to Ford. I sigh. Is everyone getting laid tonight but me?

I let out a quiet huff. It’s just so easy for these fuckers. I feel my temper spike. Although the woman beside Ford is talking to him, he makes no effort to entertain her. In fact, he looks up at me briefly, almost expectantly. He then removes the stick of his lollipop and places it on the edge of an ashtray. I roll my eyes as I dig another one out of my bag and hand it to him. This guy really has an addiction to sweets.

I look down at my phone again, and my eyebrows furrow. The contact number and all of my previous text messages to the guy I was supposed to be seeing tonight vanished. What the fuck?

My hands bunch into fists as an unbearable amount of fury fills my veins. This has Dutton written all over it. Did he seriously hack my phone just to delete my only means of communication with this guy? I internally scream. Fuck these guys and this place. I’m sick of not being in control of my own life.

I grab my drink as I stand. I need to fucking dance and find someone to eat me out in the next ten minutes, or I’m going home so I can scream and cry into my pillow. And I know which I’d rather be doing.

My name is called out from somewhere behind me, but I ignore it. Pushing through the crowd, I’m bumped and danced up on. I scan the dance floor, searching for my victim. Surely, there’s one fucking hot guy in this club. Standing in the middle of the crowded floor, I throw back my drink.

“Billie, should you be walking off on your own?” I turn to find Ford behind me. My gaze drops to the drink he’s holding. I don’t know why this fucker even pretends; it’s obvious he doesn’t drink. I pluck the glass from his hand and down the contents. He frowns as I hand it back to him. “Rough night?” he asks.

I eye him and shake my head, reminding myself that it’s not fair to take my frustration at my overbearing brother out on Ford, but my God, I’m about to lose my shit if I don’t dance, cry, or fuck it out.

I ignore him as I continue through the crowd, hoping I’ll lose him, but it doesn’t do much considering he’s taller than almost everyone in here, and people make sure to give him a wide berth as he steps through the crowd.

“Billie.” I shoot him my best eye roll over my shoulder as he follows me. “Fucking hell, woman, your brother told me to keep an eye on you, and here you are running off.”

I turn toward him and snap, “Fuck Dutton and fuck you!” He looks indifferent, almost like a fucking robot. My God, what do I have to do to shake a guy like this? I turn back in the direction I was heading and continue weaving through the mass of bodies. I can feel him following me.

Gah, why won’t he just give up?

I stop suddenly, and his chest hits my back. His hands wrap around my waist, and we both tense at the contact. His grip is tight, and I feel like I’m on fire. He’s looming over me, and I can sense his intense stare on me. We’re stuck, unable to move, as people around us drink, dance, and drunkenly scream the lyrics of the song currently blasting through the sound system. He doesn’t release me, and I don’t move away, and I wonder why.

“I thought you’d be scared to touch me,” I shout over the noise as if that is deterrent enough. My brother has chopped off men’s hands before for being so bold.

“I’m not afraid to touch you.” His voice elicits goose bumps to erupt over my skin, and my spine goes stiff. A heated pounding begins in my core, and for the first time, I feel him.

We stand there like that until the song changes. That’s when I finally turn around to face him, his touch falling away, and I instantly feel the loss.

“My brother would kill you for touching me,” I remind him. He knows it well enough, as I’m sure he’s taken part in dealing out those ridiculous consequences.

“I know.” He says it as if he doesn’t care. Maybe he doesn’t. I don’t know.

His dark brown, almost black, eyes consume me. And for all his lack of expression, I can sense his desire. Even while he’s sucking on that fucking lollipop.

This is dangerous, Billie.

Walk away, Billie .

I don’t want to listen to reason, but I’m so used to people being hurt from just getting my number that I realize I like him enough that I don’t want to see him hurt.

“I should leave,” I tell him before I can stop myself from taking a step forward. Our chests brush, but he doesn’t step back.

What the fuck am I doing?

Me and my reckless brain decided it was best to leave.

And yet I can’t look away. I want the heat of his body on mine.

His dark gaze pins me in place as he leers down at me. Ford, like his brother, has high cheekbones and great lips. Both of them are attractive. There is no denying that. But where Hawke is loud and obnoxious, Ford is quiet and reserved.

Or so I thought.

“You’re playing a dangerous game, Billie.” My name rolls off his tongue, but he doesn’t step back or make any type of move.

“Am I?” I ask. His tongue darts out, and it slides over his teeth as his gaze locks on mine.

Ford is a very restrained person, unlike his brother, who acts on all his impulses.

And maybe it’s my devilish curiosity to see what he might look like when he loses his shit.

Maybe I want to be the reason he does.

I’m sure he probably lets loose occasionally; he can’t be a calm and collected person all the time in this life we live. Even I know that, and my parents tried to shield me from most of it.

“Why haven’t you kissed me yet?” I ask. It could be the alcohol talking. Or maybe it’s just me. I don’t know. Maybe it’s a bit of both.

“Kiss you?” he asks around the lollipop as his gaze drops to my lips. It stays there for a second too long before moving back to my eyes. “That won’t happen,” he says matter-of-factly, but then he leans down, his mouth close to mine. I close my eyes. And I wait. I want this man to kiss me.

I want it like I want my next breath.

I want to be breathless from his touch.

“We’re leaving. Get moving,” he whispers into my ear.

My eyelids burst open, and disappointment and embarrassment flood me. I stare at him in shock as he backs away from me. He reaches for my hand, clasping it in his before he starts dragging me toward the door. He pulls out his phone, puts it to his ear, and says a few words, most likely telling Hawke we’re leaving.

What the actual fuck just happened?!

Did I just get rejected?

I’m reeling from what just happened, and it’s not until the cool air hits me and we’re almost at the car that I yank my hand out of his. “I’ll find my own way home, thanks,” I say as I turn to walk away.

“Billie. Stop,” he commands from behind me, but I fucking refuse. Whatever the fuck was happening in there, I must’ve been out of my goddamned mind.

“Stop,” he repeats as he grabs my hand. I try to yank it back but can’t fight against his strength, so I turn around and swing my other hand at his face. He barely dodges, looking surprised that I tried to slap him.

Tears spring to my eyes. And maybe it’s because I’ve been drinking, or maybe it’s because I’ve yet again been reminded how controlling my brother is. But I won’t be fucking humiliated by an asshole who barely speaks.

“What’s the problem? Is your dick so small you can’t use it? Or do you think you’re too good for me?”

“Too good for you?” He frowns.

“It’s not the small dick comment you’re going to correct?” I growl, infuriated. He genuinely looks baffled. I let out an irritated sigh. “Do you know how frustrating it is to not have any control over your own life? All I want to do is fuck, like a normal college student, but noooooo, Billie has to remain celibate or some shit.”

“I don’t know if this has to do with me or not,” he says, confused. And this only infuriates me more. Yes, I’m winding up for a tantrum. Yes, I’m taking my frustration out on him. Yes, I have a temper. But fuck him. Fuck my brother. And fuck the world.

“You said you weren’t afraid to touch me. So why don’t you put your money where your mouth is and put your mouth between my legs.”

He tilts his head, looking as if he’s fighting an internal battle, but he also appears predatory.

“You don’t want this,” he states. And I think he’s talking more to himself than me. I pull my hand free and open the door to the back seat. Luckily for us, he parked on the side street, and no one is around. Climbing in, I find him still standing on the street, watching me.

“How about you let me make my own decisions? Either you put that mouth to good use, or I’m going to fuck myself in the back of your car.”

I’m out of my fucking mind, but I don’t care anymore. Maybe it’s the liquid courage. Maybe it’s because I don’t think he’ll actually do it. Or maybe because it’s so fucking forbidden, and I never thought of it before, that I want it so badly.

Taking a deep breath, I lift my dress over my head. The moment the garment is off my body, his gaze flicks to my bare tits, and he steps closer to the open door so no one can see inside the car.

“You’re grinding on my last fucking nerve, Chaos.” I like the gravel in his voice. A tic jumps in his jaw, and it fills me with satisfaction. The realization that he’s not immune to my looks or body. And that he might not be as uninterested as I first thought.

“It’s just sex, Ford. Get in the car,” I say as I crawl to the other side of the seat, purposely arching my back to give a good show of my G-string.

He runs his hand through his dark hair as he curses under his breath. He looks around, and then he focuses back on me.

“Now,” I growl.

“Fucking hell, Chaos, do you want to kill me?” he asks around the lollipop, and when he sucks, I notice the way his cheeks hollow.

“As long as I come, I don’t care how you die,” I retort.

That’s all it takes for him to slide into the back seat to join me. He slams the door behind him, and then I straddle his lap. His hands find their way to my ass.

I can tell he’s hesitant; his cock, however, is not. Leaning down with a smirk, I whisper against his ear, “Now, I’m really fucking horny. Do you think you can assist me in taking care of that?”

One hand slides from my ass to stop between my legs. He pushes my G-string to the side and circles a finger around my entrance before pushing it inside.

“Yeah, Chaos. I think I can,” he says around his lollipop. I struggle not to look away from the intensity of his gaze, but I get distracted the moment I unbutton his shirt and pull it open. He’s fucking beautiful and more muscled than I’d expected. I knew he was fit, but fuck me… this should be illegal.

My hands glide down his bare chest as I trail the masterpiece of tattoos down to his stomach.

“I want to know how you taste,” he says, and I watch, transfixed, as he pulls out his lollipop and moves it toward my pussy.

I’m shocked. Is that even okay? Like, is it hygienic? The corner of his mouth pulls up, and I realize he’s challenging me. He won’t do anything I’m not willing to do, and considering how boldly I tried to seduce him, I find myself nodding my agreement.

I’ve never had sensational sex, nor have I experimented much, but I have the keen sense that I’ve never tried to handle a man like Ford before.

He removes his hand from between my legs and then rubs the lollipop against my folds. I suck in a breath as we stare at one another.

Then I feel it slip inside of me. It’s not as thick as his fingers, but the thought of what it is… excites me. Especially with the way his gaze drinks me in. And I notice how hard his cock is pushing against his pants. Dear lord, this man is barely touching me, and I’m getting off.

I lift up on my knees, giving him better access, and nod to his jeans. He doesn’t waste any time as he undoes his pants and frees his cock, looking at me as if wondering what I might do. I rock back and forth on the lollipop as I stare at his large, veiny cock, and the ink that surrounds it. And I gulp when I notice the piercing. Fuck, will he fit inside me? I’m hesitant to touch it. And when I finally do, I pull back almost immediately, but he takes my hand and puts it directly on his dick.

“Never hold back,” he whispers as he removes the lollipop from my pussy and puts it back in his mouth. I stare, bewitched by the man I never noticed in this way before, and surprised that we haven’t gone down this path sooner. Because I know he’s about to ruin me for any other man.

I wrap my hand around his shaft and stroke it, my nail catching the piercing at the end every time. He removes the lollipop with a pop and smirks as he shoves three fingers inside me and leans back.

“You’re so fucking sweet, Chaos.”

I’ve never seen this man smirk, and with it, I realize how royally fucked I am. I thought I’d lured him into this car, but maybe it was the other way around. I feel like I’m in his clutches and under his control.

He leans forward and sucks on my nipple before biting it. Hard. I squeal, surprised by it, but my pussy floods at the sensation. I’m breathing heavily, shocked at how into this I am.

What Ford and I are doing is very wrong.

We should not be in the back of a car together, taking from each other’s bodies, knowing who our families are.

But I can’t help myself.

And Ford? Well, he doesn’t care what anyone thinks.

But after, I’ll have to swear him to secrecy so that no one finds out about this.

Little do I know that this one night will lead to heartbreak and secrets.

Pretending we aren’t fucking each other every chance we get like it’s a newfound addiction.

One neither of us are able to break.

Not until we break each other.