Page 36

CHAPTER 36

Ford

I smell her baking before I see her in the kitchen with Jewel, covered in icing. The counter is filled with all the sweets and treats that taste like her. And then she laughs, and I can’t stop my feet from walking into the kitchen, lured like a moth to a flame, ready to be burned if only permitted one more glimpse.

She’s avoided me for two weeks. I’ve risked being caught entering her building just to see her, smell her, and be close to her. I don’t seem to know what to say or how to say it. All I can do is be there. But I didn’t go the last few days, and I’ve felt like I’ve gone through the motions of my day-to-day, unable to sleep. Only able to work and sketch as I listen to screaming music, wishing and praying that I’ll hear her light footsteps down the hallway of my home.

Every time I see my front lawn, I think of her. Every time Felix jumps through the kitchen window after a day of adventure, demanding to be fed, I think of her. The cat and I tolerate each other at best. It’s when Hawke comes around that the traitorous little thing shows any affection. But I’m okay with that.

Eli is in the kitchen with his arm around Jewel’s waist as she tries to feed him cake. The sight of it is sickening; my killer of a boss acting in such a normal human way.

But I feel the loss, the desire, the moment I see Billie. Wishing in a different life that, perhaps we could do the same. She’s cutting a cake when she raises her head and gives me a hard look. Jewel turns and says something to her, and that’s when her gaze leaves mine.

“Sorry, what?”

“Eli said I did great,” Jewel repeats with a wink.

“She did. You should try the cake.” Billie plays along, encouraging Eli to eat more of the cake.

“I’m still not above the idea of my wife poisoning me by baking,” Eli growls.

“Shut up. It’s edible,” Jewel chastises.

I know without even tasting that Billie baked it. I’ve walked in on her baking so many times and know the distinctive smell her mother’s bakery has.

“I’ll try the cake,” I say.

Eli shakes his head. “What a shock—you eating a cake. But care to explain to me why the fuck you’re in my house?”

“Of course you want some,” Jewel smirks and then slaps Eli on the shoulder. “Be nice. I invited everyone around for the afternoon. It’s been a while since we’ve all been together.”

Eli’s gaze turns lethal, the way it does when he realizes he’s not going to be alone with his wife for the next few hours. She often does this without his knowing, but he takes it out on us instead. Once, we didn’t show up, and he threatened to beat the shit out of us if we ever denied his wife again.

I move closer to Billie, brushing my arm against hers as I check out all the baked goods. I just need to touch her, smell her, be beside her. If that’s all I can have, I’ll take it. “Which one should I try first?”

Her gaze falls to my arm, but she doesn’t move as she answers. “Any of them. Jewel baked them, so I’m sure they all taste amazing.” I turn then and pick up a cookie. Lifting it to my mouth, I take a bite.

“Any good?” Eli asks.

“Of course, assuming it’s made with love,” I mumble around a mouthful, and Jewel bites her bottom lip.

“See? Made with love!” She points at Eli, clearly upset he hasn’t trusted her cooking before now. Even though I know she didn’t make a damn one of these items.

I lean in closer to Billie. “Tastes just like yours,” I whisper. She looks away and starts arranging the cakes.

“I just have to move this to the table. I’ll be back.” She lifts a tray full of cupcakes and walks out, giving me the back view of one of her silky sundresses.

When she’s gone, Eli begins pressing kisses down his wife’s neck. He’s certainly hungry for something, but it’s not cake.

Swallowing the last bite of the cookie, I wipe my hands and then follow the little bundle of chaos. She’s arranging the table with her sweets as I walk around it, so I’m directly in front of her.

I’ve missed the pink on her cheeks when she’s flustered, and I can tell she certainly wasn’t prepared to see me today. It’s obvious by the way she tries to ignore me. Again.

Fuck . I’ve missed her.

“Chaos?” She shakes her head and fixes her attention on the cookies that really don’t have to be rearranged. “Do you plan to ignore me forever?”

“Forever sounds pleasant. Even when we’re in hell,” she says with an insincere smile, still staring at the table.

“There’s my girl.” I’m proud of her for being unable to hold her vicious viper tongue.

Her hand pauses at my use of my girl .

“Is there something you needed?” She finally meets my gaze, and I can’t fight the smirk that slowly grows on my lips. She has icing above her lip, and the only thing I can think about is how I want to lick it off.

“Little tornado!” Hawke bounces into the room and throws an arm over her shoulders. Ivy enters directly behind him, and the girls look at one another, confused.

“I thought you were in Ibiza,” Billie says.

“I was. I had this feral animal pick me up from the airport because I decided to come back a day early.” She points at Hawke.

“Is it all sweet?” Hawke asks, sounding judgmental.

Billie hooks a thumb over her shoulder. “There’s more in the kitchen.” Her tone is nicer for him than it is for me.

Hawke smiles wide, like he just won the lottery, and makes for the kitchen.

“I need a drink. An hour in the car with that asshole will drive anyone insane,” Ivy says, giving Billie a hug. She then nods to me. “I still have no idea how the two of you can be related. Like chalk and cheese.”

“Not by choice,” I reply, and she laughs as she follows Hawke. Billie seems even more pissed now that I’ve made Ivy laugh.

I move so I’m standing next to her again, and she turns to face me. She doesn’t pull back as my thumb rubs above her top lip, wiping away the icing. I’m past the point of caring who sees us. I don’t give a flying fuck anymore. I’ll take whatever I can from her.

I need her.

“You’ve been avoiding me.” I lean in, my mouth moving closer to hers. Touching the side of her face, I lick the top of her lip as she takes a sharp inhale. Hawke calls out my name, and I pull back. “All gone.” I smile at her stunned expression.

I can tell the moment her shields start to lower. She’s letting me in slowly, and I’ve been working on them for the better part of a month. “Do you want me to stop touching you?” I ask.

Please, God, do not say no.

She says nothing.

“Billie.” Her eyes find mine. “I really miss touching you.” I put my hand on her hip, and her eyelids flutter like she’s in a trance. I slide it up her side, admiring the smooth feel of her dress and everything I know is beneath it. But it’s not just her body. It’s her.

And I’m so starved that I’ll eat any crumbs she’ll give me.

If I were a better man, I’d actually let her go.

But I’m not.

“Ford!” my brother yells. I drop my hand, knowing I’ll do something I might regret if I don’t step away. Not that I’d ever regret touching or kissing her, but I would if she didn’t want it.

And the idea of her not wanting me kills me. Even though I assumed it was bound to happen.

It’s kept me up at night, but even I need to learn when to cut off my own air supply. Right?

But I’m a glutton for punishment.