Page 18 of A Wager with the Matchmaker (A Shanahan Match #3)

18

Alannah’s chest squeezed painfully.

Kiernan had a list of qualifications he wanted in a wife. And she didn’t meet a single one of the items written in his bold handwriting:

Qualities Needed in a Wife:

From high society

Well-bred

Educated

Manage a large house

Host parties to entertain business associates

St. Louis native

Familiar with important people

Polished

Poised

Pretty

From a wealthy family

Substantial dowry

Ach, maybe she did meet a couple of his prerequisites. She was pretty. She knew that well enough from the compliments and attention she drew from men, even from him.

She was also educated. She might not have gone to a school for long, but her mam had made sure she could read and write from an early age. She’d loved reading and so had made sure Alannah and her siblings had loved it too.

But the rest of the list? Alannah fell short in every area that was important to Kiernan. She wasn’t from the same social class, had grown up in a laboring family, had never managed a home or hosted parties, wasn’t from St. Louis and didn’t even like the city, had no notion of who was important in his social circles, nor did she care. She wasn’t polished or poised, was instead herself, flaws and all. Her family had no wealth and therefore would never be able to give him a substantial dowry.

Before she could tuck the list away in her pocket, it was ripped from her grasp. She spun to retrieve it only to find Kiernan under the pavilion, backing away from her with the sheet.

His face was etched with embarrassment. “The list isn’t important.”

“Whyever did you make such a list if ’tis not important?” The question fell out as an accusation, one laced with disappointment.

She’d been near heaven’s door when she’d kissed Kiernan. The moment had gone from blissful to utterly heavenly in the span of a few seconds, especially as he’d kissed her back. Oh aye, she’d had pleasant kisses before. Those kisses were a part of her past that she wasn’t proud of when she’d pushed God away and lived by her own standards.

But Kiernan’s kiss? Saints above. It couldn’t even begin to compare with anything she’d ever experienced. His kiss was in a universe of its own.

The trembling inside flared again, and she hugged her arms to keep her body from quavering from need.

His kiss had awakened something inside her, something she didn’t understand. Was it love? She wasn’t sure, except that the strength of the emotion had been so consuming and so powerful that she’d wanted to launch herself against Kiernan, wrap her arms around his neck, press her body and lips to his, and never stop being with him.

If he hadn’t ended the kiss and put the bench between them, she probably would have grabbed him again and kept kissing him.

Good thing she hadn’t.

Her gaze dropped to the sheet he was gripping. It didn’t matter if he tried to take it away and destroy any evidence his list had ever existed. She would know the truth about the kind of woman he wanted. And it wasn’t her.

Why, then, had he offered to marry her?

Bellamy had agreed that Kiernan was finally admitting to caring about her. And Kiernan did care. She couldn’t ignore all the things he’d done for her over the past weeks—sheltering her, giving her employment, keeping her safe, even bringing her books.

She also couldn’t ignore the attraction that had been simmering below the surface all along. And she certainly couldn’t deny his passion from moments ago.

But all of that wasn’t enough to form the basis of a marriage. She wouldn’t marry him just because in the heat of the moment he felt something for her, liked their kiss, and had been enjoying spending time with her.

Eventually all that would go away because a marriage didn’t always have heat and kisses and joy. Sometimes it was hard and full of pain. What would he do in those moments when the feelings disappeared and he was left holding a tattered list of qualities he’d wanted in a wife but would never have?

“Listen, Alannah.” Kiernan was crumpling the sheet. “The list is invalid.”

“What list?” Torin stepped up behind Kiernan and snatched the paper from his hand.

Kiernan lunged after it, but Torin was holding it high and pushing Kiernan away at the same time while he was glancing at what was written.

After a moment of struggling, Kiernan stopped and lowered his head, as though in defeat. His hair was wet and dark, and strands stuck to his forehead. Even so, he still radiated with the power and purpose of a man born into privilege ... a man who was so different than her with a life she wouldn’t fit into.

If only she could be everything he wanted and needed.

The truth was, she’d never expected to rise above her station, never even wanted to ... until this very moment, until knowing everything that was important to him. If only she’d been born wealthy and well-bred. If only she was from high society. Then she could be the kind of woman Kiernan deserved.

Torin finished reading from the paper and shoved it into Kiernan’s chest.

Kiernan hesitated, almost let the sheet drop, but then grabbed it.

“That list is a load of—” Torin glanced at Alannah, then fumbled for a respectable word rather than a curse—“you-know-what.”

Bellamy had joined them under the pavilion, the only one who was still mostly dry in his cloak. He leaned against a beam and was watching as though he was enjoying a theater production. The drama was indeed more than she’d bargained for.

The hurt and disappointment were much more too.

She pressed her hand against her aching heart—an ache that went deep and thudded with the reality of the situation: Even if she spent a lifetime striving to become everything on Kiernan’s list, she’d never measure up.

Kiernan ripped the sheet of his qualifications in half, then in half again. “I was foolish to make the list. Bellamy tried to warn me, but I didn’t listen.”

“What does that mean?” Torin’s voice was belligerent. “Are you looking for a woman with a dowry?”

“I thought I was,” Kiernan said quietly, still tearing the paper. “I thought I could use the dowry for my business.”

Torin opened his mouth to retort, then stopped.

“Now I realize I can’t—don’t want—to marry a woman for my own gain.”

Torin’s brows furrowed. “But you’re needing the money, aren’t you now?”

Kiernan halted his tearing but didn’t respond.

“A couple fellows were talking yesterday,” Torin continued. “They said you might not be able to pay workers next week.”

“I’ll pay.” Kiernan’s tone and expression turned hard. “I’ll make sure everyone gets what they deserve.”

Behind his spectacles, Torin’s eyes remained troubled.

Alannah felt that trouble settle in her stomach. Clearly, Torin was concluding the same as her—Kiernan was having financial struggles with his brickyard, and he’d hoped to use his dowry to ease the strain.

He was within every right as a wealthy gentleman to require a dowry that could benefit him. And if he needed it for his brickyard, then all the more reason to marry a wealthy woman who could help him.

Even if he was ripping up his list and claiming it no longer mattered, the dowry was important. She wouldn’t stand in the way of that, regardless of how much he might try to persuade her.

Her attention shifted to Bellamy where he was leaning against the beam. Maybe he’d changed his mind about the match. Why else would he give her Kiernan’s list? He could have thrown it away. At the very least, he could have kept it private between him and Kiernan.

By showing it to her, he’d surely realized she wouldn’t want to be with Kiernan, that if she’d felt anything, she would do her best to squelch those feelings. “Do you have someone else for me, Bellamy? Tell me you have another man in mind.”

“No.” Kiernan thrust a halting hand out toward Bellamy. “Don’t say anything.”

Bellamy’s brows rose.

Alannah waved at Bellamy to speak. “Go on with you now. Tell me.”

Torin shook his head. “I want Alannah to marry Kiernan.”

She glared at him. “It’s not your choice.”

Torin frowned back. “Bellamy told me the man of his choice was waiting at the meeting place. There’s no one else but Kiernan.”

“It doesn’t matter. Bellamy needs to find me someone else.”

“We don’t have time to waste,” Torin insisted. “Not with the rumors.”

“I agree.” Kiernan leveled serious eyes upon Torin. “It’s because of me that Alannah’s reputation is sullied. Now I intend to do the right thing and marry her.”

“No.” The word slipped from Alannah almost harshly. “I won’t be marrying someone because he’s pitying me or feeling sorry for me.”

“It’s not pity—”

“And I won’t be marrying a man who’s wanting a different woman altogether than me.”

“I’ve realized I don’t want anyone but you.” Kiernan’s voice dropped and held an earnestness that tugged at her heart.

She wanted to stop her protest and let him convince her. It would be easy to do so. But she’d only come to regret giving in, and someday so would Kiernan. “No, ’tis clear I’ll never be living up to what you want in a wife.”

“I don’t want those things anymore.” He ripped the list again, this time ferociously and into tiny pieces. “I’ll show you what I think of my list.” He stalked out from underneath the pavilion and over to the pond. As he reached the edge, he tossed the pieces into the water. Within seconds the steady rain drenched them, taking them out of sight below the surface.

Kiernan turned and faced her, the rain still pelting him. “There. Gone.”

If only that were really true. “You might be able to make the paper go away. But I’ll know the list is still there inside you.” No matter how much he might care about her and be attracted to her, she would always feel inadequate.

Torin was studying Kiernan carefully. “The dowry is the main thing you want, isn’t it?”

“I want Alannah.” Kiernan’s voice held a note of stubbornness. “She’s more important than a dowry or anything else on the stupid list.”

“You say that now,” she cut in, “but what happens in a few years when you wish I was more polished and poised? Or could host better parties? Or impress your friends?”

“That doesn’t matter,” he growled. “It’s all shallow.”

“The dowry does matter,” Torin insisted.

“I will never have a dowry.” Just like she would never have anything else Kiernan needed.

“I’ll find you one.” Torin pushed his spectacles up and met Kiernan’s gaze. “If I give you a dowry, will you marry Alannah?”

“I want to marry her without one.”

“But I don’t want to marry you.” Alannah couldn’t stop from lifting her chin and turning her glare upon Kiernan. “I refuse to consider it.”

“Alannah,” Torin scolded. “He cares about you.”

“I kissed her,” Kiernan blurted.

The world went silent except for the rain pattering on the pavilion roof.

“Today. Before you and Bellamy arrived.” Kiernan pulled back his shoulders and seemed to brace himself for another attack from Torin.

Bellamy scrubbed a hand over his mouth and ducked his head. Was he smiling?

Alannah gave a huff of frustration. This was no smiling matter, not when Torin would now kill Kiernan for certain this time.

But Torin didn’t move, not even to stiffen. Instead, he nodded, as if the matter were settled. “Aye, then you’ll be marrying her. I won’t have it any other way.”

Kiernan expelled a taut breath, almost as if he was relieved.

What had just happened? Had Kiernan used their kiss to gain Torin’s support for the match?

Alannah huffed again. “I’ll be the one deciding this, Torin. Not you.”

Torin didn’t bother to look at her, was instead focused on Kiernan. “I vow I’ll get a dowry for Alannah. I don’t know when I’ll have it, but I promise I will.”

Kiernan just shook his head. “That’s noble of you. But I don’t need it.”

“’Tis my responsibility, and I’ll do it.” Torin’s face took on a haggard look, one that reminded her of Da during his last days—those turbulent times when he’d been worried and exhausted.

She appreciated that Torin wanted the best for her, but a dread filled her anyway. What would her brother do to get a dowry for her? There was no telling. He wasn’t a criminal. That’s why he’d left the Farrell gang. But if he was desperate enough, she suspected he’d do whatever he had to in order to get what he needed. He was already in enough trouble, and she didn’t want him to get into any more.

She shrugged out of Kiernan’s coat. “You may as well save yourself the effort. I’m not marrying Kiernan.”

“Please, lass?” Torin’s voice softened. “Please. For me? So that I know you’re safe?”

Should she agree so that she wouldn’t have to be a burden to him any longer? No, then she would only burden Kiernan instead.

She shook her head and started to hand Kiernan his coat.

Kiernan folded his arms, refusing to take the coat, his eyes dark and almost dangerous. “Don’t say no yet. Think about it.”

Time wouldn’t change her mind, but with Torin’s pleading eyes still upon her, she couldn’t make herself say so. Instead, she swallowed the emotion clogging her throat. “I won’t be needing to think long.”

“One week.” The stubbornness was back in Kiernan’s tone. “We’ll go to Liam and Shelia’s engagement party next weekend, and we’ll announce our match there.”

Go to a high society party? She almost scoffed at the notion. She wouldn’t have anything to wear, wouldn’t fit in, would never be accepted.

She would only hurt Kiernan’s reputation all the more.

Bellamy pushed away from the beam and straightened. “Sounds like a fine plan if I ever heard one.”

It didn’t sound fine to her. But at the moment, she was outnumbered, the three men watching her and waiting for her acquiescence. What else could she do but give Kiernan a week? At the very least, she would have time to come up with a better plan—one in which she didn’t have to marry a man who deserved a much better woman.