Page 39 of A Trial of the Heart

Chapter

Thirty-Eight

Shiloh:

Three Weeks Later

I looked around the intimate office while waiting for LeeAnn to do my exam and see if we could hear the baby’s heartbeat.

LeeAnn was not only my best friend but an OB-GYN, so it was only right that she had the honor of being my baby’s godmother and doctor.

She would deliver the baby for me. I felt safest under her care.

Today was my first official appointment after the pregnancy had been confirmed. I was nervous.

As I sat there and the cold draft caused goosebumps on my uncovered skin, I picked up my phone, debating on calling Rashad.

I wanted him present since he said he would be here, but after he shut me down, I battled co-parenting with him.

The day I went to his job, it was just to apologize.

When the “I love you” slipped out, I shocked my own self.

Rashad was a good man, and sadly, I hadn’t handled him correctly, so I’d missed my chance.

I wasn’t far along, but since the positive results, I was in love and vowed to give my son or daughter the best life possible.

With a sigh, I placed my phone down. I wasn’t going to chase Rashad.

He said he didn’t love me but would be a father, so I would allow him to show up how he saw fit.

With or without him, though, our creation would be fine, and I would eventually heal from the brokenness.

The door to the office pushed open.

“Knock, knock,” LeeAnn said instead of actually doing it. I knew if it had been some other patient, she would have actually knocked. “Hey, girl, hey.” She beamed, washing her hands.

“Hey.” I smiled slightly, nowhere near as enthused as her.

“Ew. No, ma’am.” She scrunched her nose. “You’re about to hear your baby’s heartbeat. I’m going to need you to sound more enthused than that.”

“I just never imagined being thirty, unmarried, and pregnant by a man that hates me.” My voice shook as I spoke because reality set in while I spoke. I seriously was about to be doing this thing single and young.

“You may be unmarried and a soon-to-be single mother because you were tossing that ass back any chance you got, but you ain’t never doing it alone. Shit, I’ll be the daddy for all that.”

I couldn’t prevent the laughter that seemed to come from the pit of my stomach and filled the room as I doubled over. LeeAnn could never be too serious. She would crack a joke at a funeral and not think twice about it.

“You’re silly as hell.” I continued laughing.

“Maybe.” She was still laughing, and it slowed almost instantly. “Seriously, though, I got you. You won’t even have the chance to realize you’re alone, ’cause I’m that baby’s pappy, and I ain’t going nowhere.”

“Okay, pappy.” I mocked her.

“Alright, let’s see what our baby has going on.” She pulled her fetal doppler from her doctor’s coat.

Before I could lift my shirt, there was a knock at the door before it was pushed open slightly. Holly, one of LeeAnn’s nurses, stuck her head in.

“I’m sorry, Dr. Nickel, but there is a Mr. Carter here saying he is supposed to be in on the appointment.”

Carter? I thought, knowing that was Rashad at the door. My eyes lifted to LeeAnn, and she smiled and shrugged. From that gesture alone, I knew she was the reason he was there because I hadn’t told him about the appointment.

“I am going to kill you.” I spoke in a loud whisper. I wanted Rashad there, so me saying I was going to kill LeeAnn was in a playful way.

“He can come in.” She ignored my threat.

“Okay.” Holly nodded, pushing the door open further.

Rashad stepped in the doorway, having to duck so he wouldn’t hit his head.

His hair appeared freshly cut, making his waves more noticeable.

Three carat, platinum earrings rested in both his ears.

The crisp white t-shirt hung perfectly on his body, while showcasing his tattooed arms. Loose fitting jeans hit the tops of his sneakers perfectly.

“What’s up?” He nodded as he spoke.

“Hey.” I was more excited than I allowed my tone to be.

“Glad you could join us, dad.” LeeAnn spoke sarcastically as if she wasn’t the reason he was here to begin with.

“Wouldn’t miss it.” Rashad spoke casually. His deep voice was as calming as it always was.

I cut my eyes LeAnn’s way.

“Shall we?” she asked with a smirk, applying the jelly to the wand of the doppler. “Could you lift your shirt for me please?”

This hoe, I thought at the attempt she made to sound professional. LeeAnn would for sure hear an earful from me.

“Whew.” I shivered as the cold jelly came in contact with my bare skin.

“Oh, it’s going to be cold.” She snickered.

LeeAnn was really out here playing in my face; I couldn’t wait to lay into her petty ass.

The room was eerily quiet as LeeAnn moved the wand slowly across my stomach.

There was no heartbeat being picked up. Instead, it caught mine a few times along with the slight grumbling of my stomach since I’d missed breakfast. On one hand, if there was no heartbeat, it meant no connection to Rashad.

On the other hand, I’d be devastated. I had come to terms with being a mother.

I said a silent prayer that whatever God saw fit would happen.

A low galloping sound filled the room just as I was finishing my prayer.

It was a heartbeat, and it sounded strong.

“Wow,” was all I could say as I listened.

“That is your baby,” LeeAnn said and as her voice cracked. This was a moment for her as well.

Smiling, I looked Rashad’s way, and he wore a small smile of approval.

The heartbeat never stopped, but it paired with another slight sound in the back. I wasn’t alarmed as I assumed it was normal until I looked LeeAnn’s way, and her expression and smile had shifted.

“What’s wrong?” I was almost scared to ask. Had God answered my prayer that baby was okay only to take it away seconds later?

“Depends how you look at it.” She looked my way.

“What does that mean?” Rashad asked before I could.

“Umm… An ultrasound will have to confirm, but I’m detecting two heartbeats.”

“Wait.” I quickly sat up on my elbows, glaring at her. “Like, it’s two damn babies growing inside me?”

“Yes, two,” she confirmed. “All that fucking and sucking done caught up with y’all asses, and now, look at you. Done popped it for a real one, and he sat yo’ ass down.”

“LeeAnn,” I said in embarrassment. My eyes bucked before looking Rashad’s way.

“Oh, shoot.” Her face drained a bit of its color. LeeAnn had gotten so comfortable that she forgot all about Rashad being present, but his tall frame was hard to miss. She looked Rashad’s way. “My bad.”

“It’s really two in there?” he asked, seeming unfazed.

“Looks that way. I can see if we can get her in for an ultrasound to confirm, but I’m pretty confident that I’m hearing two separate heartbeats, and they do not belong to Shiloh.”

“Wow.” I dropped back on the examining table. This pregnancy was in its early stages, but it was already full of twists and turns.

Rashad and I rode the elevator in silence.

We had waited the extra two hours for a spot to be seen by the ultrasound technician.

As suggested, there were two babies in there.

They were tiny but seemed to be having the time of their lives growing.

I was still in shock that I couldn’t pull my eyes from the few pictures they captured of the twins.

“Shocking, huh?” Rashad asked, causing me to pull my eyes from the black and white photos up to him.

“Very. I can’t even explain it.” I was on a high.

“You happy?”

His question was loaded, so much so I wasn’t sure how to answer.

“Umm… About the babies? Yes.” I had to clarify my happiness. “You?”

“I mean, I would have wanted it planned better, but I can’t lie... Hearing the heartbeats and seeing our creations baking gave me the happiness I didn’t know I needed.”

Hearing that caused me to smile. “You think we can do this?”

“What’s that?”

I didn’t answer right away. I was choosing my words carefully but wanted to get my question across.

“Co-parent in a healthy way? I mean, we’re kind of strangers that have been placed in a lot of forced situations together. Can we make the parenting thing work?” I asked the same question twice, but I needed him to understand me fully.

With a perplexed expression, he peered down at me.

“Strangers?” He chuckled. “You tell strangers you love them every day?”

I pressed my lips together. “You know what I mean. You aren’t really a stranger obviously, and I do love you as I stated, but we can’t pretend.

There’s not a lot we know about each other.

I just want to make sure that no matter what, you and I will do what’s best for these little people. ” I laughed nervously.

“No doubt. They’re what matters. We’re both grown, so we can do this.”

I smiled. For some reason, hearing him say that sounded good.

“We can.” I nodded.

Silence hung between us, yet we never looked away from each other.

It felt like it should have been awkward, but I felt safe, protected, and even loved, though he hadn’t said it as I stared at him.

The dinging of the elevator indicated we had reached the lobby.

The door slowly sliding back interrupted our small moment.

“Thank you for coming today.”

LeeAnn would hear a mouthful from me later, but I couldn’t lie. I was grateful she overstepped and told Rashad about the appointment.

“Glad I could be here.” His tone was blasé. It was a good thing no one stepped on the elevator, or anyone needed it at another floor because we never stepped off, and the door slowly closed.

“Next time, though, how ’bout you reach out and let me know things about our children.” Rashad wasn’t rude, but his tone held authority.

“I will. You think I wanted to keep your children, or anything related to them from you? That’s not som—” I started, but my words were cut short as someone had called for the elevator, and the doors opened.

“You were going to say something?”

“It’s okay.” I smiled as we stepped off the elevator. “I guess I’ll see you later.”

I really didn’t want to be out of his presence, and I did have something more to say, but I had opened up enough. The door opening was my sign to let it all go.

“Take care of yourself. If you need me, call or text me anytime.” Rashad peered down at me.

“You do the same, and okay.” My voice was low before I turned and walked away. Since I couldn’t have Rashad the way I wanted, I had to appreciate him the way he and I would be from now on.