Page 10 of A Trial of the Heart

Chapter

Ten

Shiloh:

We were about two hours from docking and four hours from disembarking the ship.

I didn’t want to leave Rashad, but the time seemed to race.

With only a few hours left, Rashad and I decided we’d spend them together.

I’d stayed with him, sexing all night and falling asleep in his arms before he woke me up the same way he’d put me to sleep.

Being with Rashad felt like the perfect dream I never wanted to wake up from.

I never expected to fall, but I’d face planted at this man’s feet, and I couldn’t get up.

“Taste this,” Rashad commanded, the fork he held in his hand with seafood pasta on it was already near my mouth.

Slowly, I opened my mouth, welcoming the savory bite.

Once the contents touched my tastebuds, I involuntarily closed my eyes, enjoying all the flavors that burst into my mouth.

I was having a mouth orgasm from the food.

The cruise had an abundance of food, and each item I tried had been delicious and better than the last. I would miss the food for sure.

“That good, huh?” Rashad asked with a chuckle, which prompted me to open my eyes.

Embarrassed, I dropped my head while covering my mouth. With his finger, Rashad tipped my chin so my eyes could once again meet his.

“No need to be embarrassed, beautiful. This shit is good as hell.” He smiled.

I smiled. Rashad was perfect in ways that words could never express. He didn’t do much, yet it seemed he did so much. Men… No, people like Rashad were scarce. I was only with him for a short time, but I had enjoyed every second I’d been with him.

“Why are you so perfect?” I had to ask.

“I could ask you the same thing.”

I smirked. “You could, but I asked first.”

Rashad matched my smirk while he moved his finger to the side of my face, pushing a stubborn hair away.

“I’m far from perfect. However, I try my best to be the person I want someone to be for me. Life’s hard enough on its own. It’s no need in me being the reason someone isn’t happy.”

His words were smooth and sounded like butter.

I could only smile. The smile faded as the thought of our short time together was ending.

I was so conflicted. On one hand, I didn’t want the contact.

I was a wounded bird that needed healing.

At the same time, Rashad appeared to be everything I ever wanted and needed.

I’d been damaged, and in my eyes, I was beyond repair.

I just didn’t know how to move, and I knew whether it be Rashad or someone else, I’d feel that way.

Daniel had truly done a number on me. Even with confliction, I knew I wasn’t prepared for our swift departure.

“What just happened?”

“Huh?” I attempted to play it off.

“Ya whole mood just changed, beautiful, so much so I can feel it in the atmosphere. What’s up?”

See? Perfect, I thought. Rashad knowing when something bothered me or was on my mind meant he was attentive. I loved it.

“Just it’s almost time for us to go our separate ways.” I shrugged.

Rashad chuckled, confusing me. “What?”

“Baby, you keep saying we gotta separate and shit. We grown. We don’t have to not communicate.”

I giggled nervously. I feared what we could or couldn’t be, and I had every right to, but I was also safe. I knew it was contradictory, but two things could be true at once.

“It’s just the timing of things.” I said the first thing that came to mind.

“Timing?” Rashad repeated with a snicker. “Us doing what we have the entire cruise was alright timing, but us keeping in contact after is a conflict?”

Hearing him say it out loud made it sound worse than what it was. On the cruise, it was no strings attached, fun, and innocent. Going beyond the waves meant opening up to things I was sure I wasn’t ready for.

“When you say it like that, it sounds like all I wanted was the sex.”

“I know the dick is good, baby, but I come equipped with more than that. I’m genuinely a nice, down-to-earth guy.” He spoke in a humorous tone.

The laughter that came from the pit of my stomach couldn’t be prevented if I tried.

Rashad delivered good dick every time, and I, too, had seen his good side, so what he had said was true.

I was running for my own reasons to protect myself.

Offering a smile, I dropped my head a little to the side, my hair falling over my shoulder.

“Can we just enjoy the rest of the time together? I really don’t want to spend the last few hours talking about what it could be, missing out what we already have.” I smiled.

For a few seconds, Rashad just stared back at me. He was either reading me or wanting to say something and choosing his words. Either way, he kept quiet.

“Whatever you say, beautiful,” he agreed with a slight smile.

From the tone I knew, Rashad was only granting my wishes for my sake. I might regret my feelings on the situation later, but in the headspace I was now in, what I had already offered was all I was willing to give.

Saying goodbye had never been hard for me, but as Rashad and I stood on the sidewalk preparing to do just that, my heart ached.

He had become such a breath of fresh air for my day since meeting him, and I wasn’t ready to let him go.

I’d gone on the cruise to enjoy my birthday and to forget Daniel, and Rashad had made both happen.

“Guess this is goodbye.” I spoke softly.

I was the one that said I didn’t want to continue things, and I was already having second thoughts.

I’d been hurt more times than I could count, and after Daniel’s heartbreak, I knew it would be hard to trust again, not that Rashaad had given me a reason.

He displayed he was real about all he said. Daniel had been that guy before too.

With his duffle bag tossed over his shoulder and hands in his pockets, Rashad stepped my way, forcing my eyes to raise to his. We stood there in silence, Rashad smiling with his eyes and me trying to read them. I didn’t understand the silence; it made things awkward.

I parted my lips to say something, but the words never came since Rashad kissed me.

The kiss started off slow and nothing special, but it quickly changed when Rashad encased my waist, pulling me closer to him.

I gripped his forearms tightly just when he slipped his tongue into my awaiting mouth.

We were kissing in public. It wasn’t over the top, but so many emotions flooded the kiss. I never wanted to let go.

Rashad pulled back, his hand now resting on the side of my face, and I leaned more into it.

“It’s not goodbye, beautiful. More like I’ll see you around.” His deep voice was so calm and soothing. I could listen to him talk all day long.

“It sure feels like it,” I mumbled, dropping my eyes from his.

Rashad chuckled, prompting me to lift my eyes back to his in confusion. What I said hadn’t been remotely funny.

“I miss something?”

“Remember, you didn’t even want any contact once we touched back to land? Why the change of heart?”

I shrugged, shifting my weight from one foot to the other. “Guess you made more of an impact than I wanted to believe. Like you, I don’t want a relationship, but I’m truly not ready to say goodbye.”

He smiled with his eyes before one tugged at the corner of his lips taking over soon after. “Beautiful, I told you it’s not goodbye. We shall cross paths again.”

I’d heard Rashad, and I almost wanted to ask him how he was so sure about us crossing paths, but I learned that if Rashad wanted to, he would.

“Okay.” I matched his smile.

“Shiloh, hate to cut ya time with Mr. Snatch You Away the Whole Cruise, but our Uber is here, and we have to go to make our flight,” LeeAnn said, stepping near us.

LeeAnn had given Rashad the nickname after the second night I’d been with Rashad. She wasn’t mad he’d occupied my time by any means, but every chance she got, she teased me with the name.

“I’m coming.”

“It was nice meeting you.” LeeAnn looked to Rashad. “Thank you for taking care of my girl. She needed the time you gave her.” She giggled like a little kid. “I’ll be in the car.”

She looked my way and winked before ambling off, dragging her suitcase behind her.

I sighed. “Guess this is it.”

“For now.”

“Take care of yourself, Rashad. Thank you. Bye.” I lingered, unsure if I should kiss him, maybe say something else, or do anything at all. Finally, I spun on my heels, not wanting the goodbye to be any harder than it already was.

“Shiloh?” Rashad called after me. A chill shot through my body, forcing me to stop, turn, and face him.

“It’s see you later, beautiful.” He winked, causing my heart to skip a beat.

As much as I wanted to believe I’d see Rashad again, I was positive that once my Uber pulled off, it would be the last time I’d see him. I smiled just before turning and sashaying my way to the Uber. Yeah, this was goodbye, and not that “see you later” that Rashad said it was.