Page 38 of A Trial of the Heart

Chapter

Thirty-Seven

Rashad:

With my messenger bag tossed over my shoulder, I took long strides, avoiding the big raindrops.

The slight storm that was passing through came out of nowhere, and I was trying to make it to my car without getting my designer suit and Italian loafers ruined.

Today was the first time in months I felt like my normal self.

I wasn’t looking over my shoulder, pretending to like someone to be free, and I didn’t have to worry whether the entire law system was corrupt.

I had worried they were all in on my demise.

Finally, under the garage covering a few feet from my car, I hit the key fob to automatically start it.

“Rashad? I knew the person the soft, yet commanding voice belonged to before I looked over my shoulder.

I pivoted my eyes, instantly being greeted by Shiloh.

She stood before me—Retro Jordans covered her feet, capri-style sweats hugged her curves, while a matching crop top hoodie that she had her hands shoved inside displayed her flat stomach with a belly button ring that dipped in her navel.

Shiloh’s natural coils were pulled on top of her perfectly shaped head into a messy bun.

Unlike the other times we encountered each other, her flawless face was makeup free, showing her natural beauty.

Shiloh was beautiful in a way no one could compete with if they attempted to.

Even as the rain drops soaked her frame, I could admire her beauty.

I had feelings for her. She was real, yet she ran from me more times than I could count, and she failed to step up for me when she had the chance.

Anything that could have been, Shiloh sabotaged it, and I wasn’t interested in mending something I hadn’t broken.

“What’s up?” I spoke casually.

Shiloh looked scared. “You got a minute?” The rain was still falling. In fact, it seemed to pour harder.

“It’s raining out here.”

I chuckled as if I wasn’t watching the rain pour down on her. She could have easily stepped closer to me to prevent getting wet, but I assumed she didn’t want to be too close.

“I know. I just need a minute.” She didn’t miss a beat.

For a second, I thought about saying no, as nothing she did or didn’t want to say would change us. I wasn’t in the business of giving second chances because if you cared enough, you wouldn’t ruin the first one.

“Shoot.” I went against my morals, tilting my head a little, indicating her to step from out of the rain.

After a second of hesitation, Shiloh stepped closer but stayed near the edge, still getting wet.

I almost turned to get in my car when she didn’t speak, and her eyes adjusted everywhere but mine.

Finally, after fiddling with her French manicured nails, she lifted her gaze to mine.

Her soft brown eyes were beautiful yet held no life as they once did.

Shiloh’s kissable heart shaped lips part slowly the sound took a half of a second to catch up.

“I’ve always been the black girl that knew her job well and executed it with ease, yet I was still never good enough.

I’ve always had to work much harder than anyone to be noticed.

I had finally gotten to a place where I wasn’t just seen as the black girl whose father paved the way for her.

My work showed for itself… at least I thought. ” Shiloh paused.

“Everyone has always seen me as such a strong person. The whole time I was fighting for a right to be equal in the workplace. I fought hard only to realize I was fighting a losing battle since I was fighting against who I thought was fighting with me.”

I heard Shiloh, but she was rambling, and the down pour was preventing me from understanding what she was attempting to say.

“Shiloh, what are you saying?” I finally asked.

She huffed in annoyance. “Rashad I am saying that, despite what you may think, I wasn’t in on the corruption.

Just like you, I was a chess piece in their game.

The world just so happens to be smaller than they knew, and you and I had prior connections.

You just have to know I wasn’t a part of the plan.

I’m sorry though, Rashad, I should have spoken up about it and did more to defend you. ”

Shiloh sounded like she had just spoken a rehearsed part from a play she was staring in.

Even after realizing the connection with Shiloh and the office she worked for, the thought that she had set me up never crossed my mind.

My problem was she found out and failed to do something about it, even after telling me.

Along with that, she had written me off as a parent to our unborn child because she assumed I wanted to bail.

She took my voice and rights from me before giving me the option.

“At first, I thought you were in on it. Eventually, I realized you weren’t.”

“Okay.” She nodded, dropping her eyes back to her sneakers.

I wasn’t sure if she had something else to say or she expected me to say something.

I stayed quiet, though, allowing the silence to do the talking, but after she wouldn’t look my way, I spoke.

“I appreciate the apology.” My lips curled at the corner giving a slight smile.

“I know we won’t get to the bottom of it overnight, but we have to sit down and work some shit out for the sake of our child.

” My eyes cautiously dropped to her stomach.

“For now, I wish you the best and will be in touch.”

My eyes raised back to her. Shiloh’s eyes spilled over with tears, but I could tell she was putting up a heavy fight not to lose the battle.

“Take care of yourself.” I turned, opening my car door.

My foot was midair to slip into my car when my door was pushed closed, and Shiloh blocked the way.

“Rashad, wait!” Her voice shook. “I didn’t just come here to say sorry…” She briefly paused, and the rain increased with the wind blowing, forcing the rain our way.

I wanted to shout “what the hell you gotta say” when she spoke again.

“You came into my life at a time I was broken, and the thought of any man pissed my broken soul off more than it already was. You revived things I killed; a piece of Shiloh was resurrected when I met you.”

Hearing her speak of herself in third person was comical.

“I ran from you on more than one occasion because I was scared. You know the past trauma I experienced paved the way for that. I’m not easy to deal with.

I know that. Rashad, you just have to know what I feel with you…

I have never felt with anyone, even people I’ve known for years.

You have been an answered prayer that I hadn’t even sent up to God yet.

I don’t just want you, Rashad, I need you…

” Shiloh swallowed hard. I could see the lump form in her throat.

” She dropped her eyes from me. “I love you, Rashad.”

Her bottom lip quivered, and when she lifted her doe-shaped eyes once again, I saw hope in them.

Shiloh had come into my life like a wrecking ball, making me want things I didn’t know I needed. We were good together, but because of her own selfish ways she built that wedge between us.

“You should go home, Shiloh. This storm is getting bad out here.”

Her mouth instantly fell agape. I knew she wasn’t expecting that.

My feelings for Shiloh were strong. Maybe not love, but it was a connection.

Even if it had been love, I couldn’t say those words.

She and I were cut different, and I didn’t want to travel down that road and complicate things more than it already was.

“I’m going to head out. You should do the same.”

The tears she’d fought fell swiftly, and sadness took over her expression. “Rashad, please. Answer this one question for me, and if it’s not what I think, I’ll leave.”

“What’s that?” I didn’t want to entertain her, but I couldn’t deny my curiosity.

“Tell me you don’t love me or at least that you don’t have strong feelings for me. Tell me, Rashad, that after this time together, you don’t feel something for me.”

I stood there with the wind increasing and the rain falling harder. The scene paired with Shiloh crying was dramatic. It resembled an intense scene from a corny love movie.

“Please tell me you don’t care, and I’ll leave,” she begged in a whisper.

My jaw tightened. “I don’t have feelings for you Shiloh. The shit was fun while it lasted, but let’s face it you were just a fuck. We shoulda kept it on the ship like you suggested.” I shrugged, watching Shiloh look as though she’d lost her breath.

Even if what I’d said wasn’t exactly how I felt, I had to say it to let her go. When I wanted her, she pushed me away, so it was now time she lived in the reality she had created.

“Go home, Shiloh,” were my last words before climbing into my car and speeding away without a second look.

I hated moving the way I had, but Shiloh had dismissed me on more than one occasion. She had to get a taste of her own medicine, even if it was immature. We would speak eventually about the baby, but any other conversation between us was dead and gone.