Page 21 of A Trial of the Heart

Chapter

Twenty-One

Shiloh:

The day had been stressful like most days, and it wasn’t because of the job itself.

It was the people I worked with. I could say a million times I loved being a lawyer, which I did most days, but where I worked had me second guessing a lot.

Arthur and William made sure I knew I was the underdog daily, and I had to prove myself each time.

I knew staying for a company I really wasn’t wanted at was stupid, but being a young, black lawyer, it was hard in the justice system. I wanted out but couldn’t get out.

My phone vibrated on the couch beside me, prompting me to look down and answer almost instantly.

“Hey, girl.” It was LeeAnn.

She sucked her teeth. “Girl, I thought that man would have your ankles tossed over his shoulder and his necklace dangling in your face, while you screamed his name by now,” she said all in one breath.

I couldn’t help but laugh. We’d already spoken earlier about Rashad coming over. She’d given me her advice, but what she said was going to happen wasn’t. I wanted Rashad there for closure. I just couldn’t explain the closure I needed.

“You didn’t let him come over?” Her tone was laced with disappointment.

It took a few seconds, but my laughter finally slowed, and I spoke.

“Something is seriously wrong with your ass. Why is shit always sex with you?” I paused for a second but spoke again before she could. “It’s not even time for him to be here, but if I am being honest, I really think it’s a bad idea, LeeAnn.”

I spoke my truth. Rashad had always been irresistible, but me representing the office that had his case could only end badly for me. He was everything a girl could want, but not at the cost of my career.

“I mean, I only always mention sex when mentioning you both cause that man had you screaming down the cruise every chance y’all got.

” She spoke in a matter-of-fact tone. I imagined her shrugging her shoulders at the same time.

“Also, girl, fuck Mr. Racist Number One and Mr. Racist Number Two with their ugly asses. You don’t like them anyway.

I seriously don’t understand how you can sit up in front of them daily anyway, faking that shit you do. ”

Rashad had done everything LeeAnn said he had, and though I enjoyed every minute, I just didn’t want to keep being reminded of it.

“LeeAnn, you know like I know William and Arthur are number one in this area. They have made it clear. No matter how much they dislike me, they’re not letting me move up in my career or move on. It’s like I’ve signed a deal with Death Row.”

LeeAnn sighed. “I know, friend. I hate this so much for you because you’re a phenomenal lawyer.

I’m not just saying that because you’re my best friend.

I watched you in action, and you’re dead ass the epitome of a pit bull in a skirt.

You don’t belong there. In due time, you’re going to shine bright like the diamond you are. ”

I couldn’t prevent the growing smile. LeeAnn and I always joked and talked shit, but when it came down to it, she never failed to be that friend that I always needed. I loved her more than she would ever know or even my words could express.

“You gonna let that man blow ya back out?” She quickly changed gears.

“LeeAnn!”

She giggled. “Just saying, girl. I know you miss what he was slanging your way. Plus, friend, I just don’t see him being that person the documents paint him to be. Something’s not right.”

I’d already found a few discrepancies in the case.

Paired with the person I met, things didn’t sit well with me.

However, charges like the ones he had didn’t just come for fun.

Two plus two wasn’t making four in this situation.

Conflict consumed me, which had been a career first. The heavy sigh slipped through my full lips without realization.

“Listen, girl. You know I joke a bunch and talk cash money shit. We both know that will never change.” Her timbre was seasoned with seriousness and love.

“Okay…” I drawled, anticipating her words.

“I won’t sit on the phone pretending you haven’t attracted some ain’t shit dudes in the past, including Daniel.

Even with what you have attracted, I genuinely don’t see Rashad, Kyan, or whatever his name is to be that type of person.

We both see through some bullshit, even if we play a little delusional about the situation.

” She giggled, causing me to do the same.

LeeAnn was right. I could spot rubbish a mile away with my eyes closed. The only reason Daniel had remained as long as he had was because he was familiar, and I was afraid of starting over.

“That man does not give off any hidden agenda vibes.” LeeAnn was straightforward in her response.

I sighed with a shrug of the shoulder like she could see me. “Maybe he just knew how to play his role well. Deception is real, and it’s obvious he has it mastered.” I’d already thought about what LeeAnn said, but facts were facts.

“You don’t even believe that shit yourself.” She laughed louder than needed.

“Well…” I dragged out, not having anything else to say.

“Dead ass could just be a situation where someone is framing a successful black man to bring down his character and destroy him as a person.”

“Why would someone go to great lengths just to ruin someone? His charges aren’t for stealing gum from the corner store, LeeAnn.

This man has a bunch of charges that indicate some corrupt things were done.

He presented me with Rashad. It’s obvious Kyan is someone else.

I have to accept it, and the sooner you do too, the easier our conversations about him will be.

” I wanted to get the what if, could be, and just might from my mind.

People pretended to be someone they weren’t often. Rashad had played me.

“Girl!” She exhaled heavily. “You’re so damn wishy washy even I don’t know what to do with you.

If you think that man is guilty, stop all communication.

Hell, what’s the reason for you allowing him to come over tonight if you’re still going to prosecute him?

Let’s be real. Continuing any type of relationship with him could cost your reputation.

Hell, you could lose your license. So, I’m going to ask you one time. ”

“Okay?” I spoke. Not that I needed to, because she would ask her question one way or another.

“If you believe that man is as guilty as those charges on the docs, why have you agreed to be in his presence?” she asked but didn’t wait for me to respond before she spoke again. “If those are your true feelings, let that man be, and y’all hash it out in court.”

“Closure.” I knew it was bullshit the second I said it, but it sounded good. “I needed the closure since I feel he played me.”

LeeAnn let out a gut wrenching, goofy laugh. I had to pull the phone from my ear. It was so loud.

“Yeah, okay. Closure.” Her tone was mocking. “Nah. What you need is to be fucked, and though you know it’s wrong, you want one more chance with that man so you can proceed with your job.”

“Two things can be true at once,” I muttered.

“How so?”

My words were there, yet they weren’t coming out how I intended, and I sounded like a sitting contradiction.

“He’s a criminal but a good guy that I want parts of,” I admitted softly. I’d said those words, but it wasn’t exactly what I had intended to say.

“Girl, you’re annoying the hell out of me.”

“I just don’t know what to do.” I whined like a child rather than the thirty-year-old that I was.

LeeAnn sighed heavily, sounding like a tired parent before she even spoke. “Stop playing in his face. Shit, you going to find him guilty even if you don’t think he is, so leave him alone. Treat Rashad as you do any other defendant.”

She sounded robotic, almost as if her words were rehearsed, and I understood why. I’d never been so indecisive in my life.

“He’s already supposed to be coming over,” I said quietly.

LeeAnn snickered. “It takes two seconds to call him and tell him there’s been a change of plans.”

Calling things off with Rashad would be the ethical thing to do, but a piece of me just needed a last time with him.

“Okay…”

“I can tell that you aren’t going to listen to anything I say.

Once your mind is made up, no one can change it.

Last thing I’m going to say… If you allow that man to come to your house, you better be prepared for every single thing that is thrown your way after.

Havoc will come, and it will be your own fault because you’re not thinking in the best way.

You and I both know that. I have your back always, friend. Just be prepared for what will come.”

“Girl, wasn’t you the one just telling me to fuck him?” I chortled in disbelief.

LeeAnn exhaled deeply. “Yeah, I did.”

“But?” I wasn’t sure why she had a change of heart and so fast.

“I thought about it, Shiloh. I know all the shit you been through with Daniel, and you still have a lot of pain from that, even though you try to bury it. Not only that, that man showed you who he wanted you to believe he was and look at you.”

I had already had mixed feelings about Rashad, but now, LeeAnn was throwing in curve balls and having me second guessing even telling him he could come here.

“But he’s already on the way here,” I muttered, unsure of my thoughts. LeeAnn was my voice of reason, so her opinion mattered.

“What does that mean? Remember, you didn’t even want to have sex with him.”

In my head, I didn’t want to have sex with him, but I knew my kitty would do the thinking my brain couldn’t once I was in his presence. “Nothing I guess.” I shrugged.

“Then call that man and tell him you changed your mind. Handle the case as you do all of the others. He turned you every way but loose on the cruise and seemed like someone that could be it, but it’s clear he’s not.

End it now while you can. ‘Cause shit will only get worse from here. Rashad, Kyan, or whatever he goes by is not the one. We both have to accept that.”

The truth hurt, and while I was conflicted, LeeAnn told no lies.

“Thank you.” It sounded stupid to say thank you during our conversation, but I appreciated LeeAnn in all she did. We didn’t always agree nor move the same, but one thing was for sure and two things for certain, we had each other through it all.

“I love you, girl.”

“I love you too,” I replied, before disconnecting the call.

“Uhhh!” I sighed loudly, dropping my phone. LeeAnn’s words played repeatedly in my mind, and I knew I should have listened, but as she had said, once my mind was made up, it was done.

With a glass of wine, I sat anxiously awaiting Rashad.

It was almost 8:00 p.m., and with each passing second, my heart rate increased.

Seeing the headlights from a car shine through my opened blinds, I stood and peeked out.

Rashad was in my driveway. Downing the rest of my wine, I exhaled and waited for Rashad to come to the door.

I could see his silhouette on my wall as the moon glowed through my windows, giving off a little light.

I knew he was coming, yet when the doorbell chimed, I was still startled.

“Welp, let’s get this over with,” I whispered, ambling to the door. My bare, pedicured feet sank into the plush carpet leaving a print that didn’t last with each step. All of what LeeAnn and I talked about had gone through one ear and out the other.

I knew Rashad being here was off limits, but I was drawn to him, and the things he’d done to my body previously had fat ma wanting more just off his looks. He was a risk I wanted to take even after pushing him away.

“Damn, you’re beautiful.” Rashad complimented me the second the door was open. He didn’t even give me a chance to greet him.

I blushed. “Thank you.” I tucked a loose piece of hair behind my ear. “Come in.”

I stepped back. I bit my bottom lip and said a silent prayer as I closed the door. I wanted Rashad and myself to keep our hands to ourselves, even though it had been a problem in the past.

“These are for you.” He smiled, handing the bouquet of sunflowers and roses to me.

Rashad and I had more sex than I could count on the cruise, but we also had deep intellectual pillow talks.

During one of our many talks, I told him my favorite flowers, the first being unicorn roses and sunflowers and roses together a close second. He’d already ensured he gave me both.

“I love them.” I sniffed the flowers. Though flowers had an earthy smell that wasn’t the best, smelling flowers always came out of habit.

“Glad you do.” His deep voice sounded different than any other time. It was so soothing.

My eyes lifted from the flowers; they were met with Rashad’s as he stared at me with a slight smile.

“You look nice.” My words came out faster and louder than I had intended. I was nervous, and I needed the attention off me.

Rashad chuckled. “‘Preciate that.” Rashad wore black jeans that hit the tops of his Jordans and a crisp Polo shirt. He had a fresh cut with a nice line up and diamond earrings in each ear.

“Smells good up in here. You throw down in the kitchen?”

I could tell he noticed my nerves and wanted to lighten the mood.

“I did a lil something.” I knew I could cook, and besides law, cooking was actually my second love. “You eat?”

The moment the question came out, I regretted it because Rashad’s expression said what he was thinking.

“I’ve been known to eat a time or two.” He licked his lips.

Instinctively, I bit my bottom lips at the thought of how he pleased my kitty, bringing me to orgasm like never before.

“Ahem, um… I mean, I cooked. Would you like some?”

“Lead the way to the kitchen.” He gestured, and I knew if he knew the way, he’d lead me his damn self.

Rashad was here, and even if it would only be for the night, I had plans to enjoy every bit of what he was offering. Tonight, it was about pleasure. Tomorrow, we could get back to business.