Page 31 of A Trial of the Heart

Chapter

Thirty-One

Shiloh:

“Whew.” I let out a low sigh, hiking the skirt over my thick hips and hovering over the toilet to pee, ensuring no parts of my body touched the commode.

I was in Walgreen’s squatting over a pregnancy test that couldn’t wait until I made it home.

I was three weeks past my cycle, and I needed an answer immediately.

Finishing my business, I tossed the toilet paper into the toilet, pulled my panties up, and pulled my skirt down before flushing the toilet with my heel. I hated using public bathrooms, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

As the toilet flushed, I placed the pregnancy test on top of the sink before washing my hands.

Staring back at my reflection, I had to softly laugh at myself.

I was an entire mess, and it had only changed in such a short time.

I wore what I was going through well, so no one would have ever guessed.

Only seconds had passed, yet it felt like hours or even days.

I just needed to know. Pressing my eyes closed, I said a quick yet heartfelt prayer to God, praying that he’d spare me just this once.

Slightly opening one eye and peering at the test, the positive forced both my eyes to double in size, and my skin to feel hot.

Having to be sure, I picked up the test, and sure enough, the digital test read pregnant with the number 1-2 under it.

I cupped my hand over my mouth in shock.

I knew these numbers were only an estimate and wasn’t my actual weeks of gestation.

“Oh, hell,” came out just above a whisper.

My eyes ignored my brain at the request to look away from the test. Staring at it, I felt like I was on auto pilot.

With the amount of sex Rashad and I had, I knew pregnancy could be a factor.

I just thought maybe our luck had been good. Guess it wasn’t good after all.

I’d seen the pregnancy test, still felt it in my hand, but staring back at my reflection made this moment so much more of a reality.

“I’m pregnant.” I found myself repeating those words over and over again.

The loud knock on the door startled me.

“Just a moment.”

I pushed the tears from my face that I hadn’t even realized had fallen, even though I looked in the mirror.

It was almost like I was in a trance. Gathering up the contents from the test, I rapidly shoved it in my purse, taking another glance at myself and ensuring my expression didn’t resemble what I was going through.

“I’m sorry.” The apology came out shakily as I was met with a very angry expression from the older lady near the door.

“You sure took long enough. I don’t even know if I still need to go,” she snapped. How her old ass didn’t know if she still had to pee was baffling to me, but it wasn’t my body, so who was I to speak on it?

“My apologies,” I respectfully responded. I’d taken longer than intended in the bathroom, so her anger was understood.

“Tuh.” She surveyed me from top to bottom and then bottom to top, her eyes narrowing in on mine. “I don’t even know why your kind is even allowed in here.” She turned her nose up, giving me one of the deadliest looks possible.

I was trying to be respectful of my elders and the fact that I may have taken longer than needed, but her wrinkled Quasimodo looking ass had me ready to forget she was grave ready.

Just as I went to respond, her old hag ass was saved by my phone ringing.

I didn’t even have to look to know it was my mother by the ringtone and time.

“Have a blessed day.” I did the motion as if I was tipping my hat. My mother’s timely call had seriously saved her ass.

Just by the expression of Quasimodo Jr., I knew she was expecting me to show my ass, but she had been spared, and I was glad she had been. I had bigger things to argue about, and it didn’t involve someone that looked to be as old as Jesus.

“Mommy, I’m headed to you,” I declared the second I slid the green button over and the call connected. I needed my mother, so I was going to her.

With tears in my eyes, I raced to my mother’s house. I wasn’t sure what going to my mother’s would do, but like most situations, I needed her.

“Hey, Siri, call LeeAnn.” I swiped the tears from my face.

“Hey, girl. What’s up?” She answered almost instantly.

“Can you meet me at my mom’s?” I sniffled.

“Everything okay?”

“I just need you to meet me there. I am headed that way.” I needed my mother but also my best friend. They both got me through many life events, good or bad.

“Putting my shoes on now.” I heard her moving about.

“Okay. Love you. See you in a minute.”

“Love you too, Shiloh.”

I disconnected the call. I wasn’t a child, and I knew what could happen when having sex.

Now just wasn’t the time to be pregnant.

Without turning my signal on, I turned into my mom’s neighborhood before pulling into her driveway.

As I was putting the car in park, I noticed LeeAnn in my rearview mirror pulling up behind me.

It didn’t even shock me that she’d made it to my mother’s house so fast.

“Shiloh, what’s wrong?” LeeAnn questioned, rushing to my door and pulling it open. “Do I gotta fuck somebody up?”

I chuckled, even though nothing was funny. Just seeing LeeAnn on alert without even knowing the problem was almost comical.

“Let’s just go inside.” I didn’t want to have to say the same thing twice.

At an unhurried pace, we headed up the long sidewalk, and before our feet even touched the steps, the door swung open.

“Shiloh, what is it?”

I knew I sounded urgent when I spoke to them. I even cried and still had tears, but they were acting a little bit over the top.

“Can we just go inside and sit? I’m going to tell y’all,” I spoke softly.

Without a word, my mother spun on her heels, and LeeAnn and I followed. We all sat. Both their eyes shifted my way. Their expressions were the same, telling me to explain.

Letting out a heavy breath, I pushed the tear from my face.

“I’m pregnant.” Saying it out loud for the first time caused more tears. Now, I for sure was being the dramatic one. Being pregnant was life altering, but it wasn’t the end of the world.

They gasped in unison.

“Oh, my goodness, Oak.” My mother stood, staring at me with a sorrowful yet disappointed expression.

My mother called me Oak, which was my middle name.

I rarely heard it. It was rarer than peaches, but when I did, I knew it was one of two things.

She was disappointed in me, or bad news was following.

“What are you going to do?” LeeAnn asked.

At thirty, I was grown, successful, and took care of my damn self, but that didn’t stop me from needing my mother and best friend in hard times.

I shrugged. “I don’t even know. Honestly, right now, I haven’t even gotten past the initial shock of seeing the positive test.”

“Are you positive you’re pregnant?” my mother questioned innocently, but it caused me to chuckle softly.

Pulling the test from my designer bag, I held it up. “Just as positive as positive can be.”

Leaning my way, they both glanced down at the test. Their eyes seemed to double in size like mine did when I found out I was pregnant.

“How many did you take?” my mother asked.

With narrowed eyes, I tilted my head slightly, my hair falling to the side. “Just one, but I don’t think taking more than one will alter the results.”

“Maybe that one is defective.” My mother seemed anxious. “LeeAnn, how often do you guys see faulty tests in the clinic?” She was being very optimistic about the situation.

My eyes shifted to LeeAnn, and her expression read never, but that was not what came out of her mouth. “It’s rare but possible. Retaking the test won’t hurt.”

“Really?” I laughed.

I knew LeeAnn almost better than she knew herself, so her verbiage meant, “Bitch, you pregnant. Ain’t no need in taking another test, so accept it. She had only said it for my mother’s sake.

“Just take another test, sweetheart.” My mother reached over, stroking the top of my hand.

It wouldn’t matter if I took a million tests, I was late, and nine times out of ten, I was pregnant.

I looked from my mother to LeeAnn, and she shrugged.

“Fine.” I would be wasting the money testing, but a little piece of me hoped my mother could have been right.

“Let’s go.” My mother was already heading out the living room to grab her things. I guess she wanted to go to the store immediately to see. She was clearly more anxious than me.

With my bottle of water in my hand, I headed to my bed, resting back on the edge of it.

The need to exhale took over my body as I placed the water bottle on the nightstand.

Closing my eyes tightly, I took in the moment and enjoyed the silence.

I needed this moment. When I slowly opened my eyes, they fell to the nightstand where about five positive pregnancy tests rested.

There was no need for the five tests, yet I found myself after each positive wanting to take another, hoping to see something else.

It wasn’t that I couldn’t take care of a baby because I was financially set, but I just never imagined myself being a baby mother before being a wife.

“Just get it over with, Shiloh.” I spoke out loud, picking up my phone to call Rashad. He was my unborn child’s father, so he had a right to know I was pregnant. No matter his stance on the situation, I was having the baby. I’d tell him in hope of the support, but if he wanted to bail, he could.

The time in the corner of my screen caused me to send a text rather than call as it was pretty late, and I didn’t want to disturb anything.

Me: Hey Rashad, its Shiloh. Sorry to be messaging so late but I was hoping you and I could get together later this week to sit down and talk.

I am free from noon until one thirty Monday thru Friday, or anytime after five.

I am free anytime during the weekend. Let me know what words for you and we can go from there.

After pressing send and reading what I’d sent, I had to giggle at the professional tone of the message.

Here I was sending out a text as if I was in business mode.

Rashad had turned me every way but loose, had his genitalia in my mouth while he feasted on mine, and I was now carrying his child.

Professionalism had long ago been off the table.

Rashad: It’s a little late Ms. Monroe, are you sure you’re only messaging for a sit-down meeting in the future or are you wanting to sit on my face tonight?

“This mother—” I started but instantly stopped. Rashad delivered in every way possible, and had I not needed to talk to him, I would have taken the bait for a booty call.

Me: No Rashad I do not want to sit on your face. What I need to talk to you about does not include the removal of clothes. I just need to know if and when we can meet.

Technically, it had involved the removing of clothes, but not in the sense he was thinking.

Rashad: Eighteen hundred tomorrow @ Bonefish Grill

Rashad used military time as if he had served before, and sometimes, it would throw me off since I never read the clock in the same way.

Me: Works for me

Rashad: C’ya then beautiful

The smile that curled the corner of my lips couldn’t be prevented even if I tried.

Rashad and I’s relationship had been complex from the beginning.

Adding a pregnancy to the mix made it damn near impossible to understand.

The smile I had faded almost instantly when my eyes fell to the pregnancy tests on the nightstand.

I figured once I told Rashad about the baby, he’d want me to get rid of it, which would mean the little relationship we did have would diminish.

He’d never said that. I just had my own assumptions. At least we had a few fun times.