Page 9 of A Heart to Find (Sweetheart Island #2)

The next few days were a whirlwind of calm contentedness and quiet conversation. No more talk about the past—they hadn’t had the opportunity with all the social interaction. But lots of stolen glances and flirty exchanges. And after getting clearance from the nurse on staff, Jared patiently and gently guided her around the hotel, only using the crutches off and on in the beginning. She found that as long as she took her ibuprofen preventatively, the soreness was almost non-existent. This morning, she finally didn’t feel the need to take anything.

Though their schedules had been jam-packed with all the pre-planned goodies, Keira had still somehow felt like it was just her and Jared in some kind of weird snowglobe of artificial delight.

Only it hadn’t felt artificial.

She knew he didn’t love being around all of the people all of the time, but that was the nature of the matchmaking beast. She kept thinking they’d have time to sneak away for some quiet time to finish the conversation they’d started in her room the other day. Keira had questions she needed answers to. For closure.

But yesterday he started acting strange. Polite and sweet, but sort of distant.

Stress gnawed at her belly. The buzz around the island focused on nothing but the upcoming Winter Wonderland formal dance. In her preparations for this event, Keira had lovingly packed a dress she had purchased for what she had hoped would be a magical time with her matched soul mate.

How could she have anticipated this cruel twist of fate?

Jared hadn’t brought up details for the dance, so maybe he would prefer to skip it. She dropped plenty of hints about her body feeling well enough to dance the night away, but he didn’t pick up a single one.

She didn’t want to make a big thing of it. But the idea of going to a formal event with him triggered feelings that were best left in the past, anyway.

Sidestepping Megan’s questions about the dance had become difficult, so she resorted to avoiding her texts and pretending to nap. And now the day of the formal had arrived, with still no plans discussed.

Six o’clock rolled by without a word from Jared.

They’d been practically inseparable since her injury.

Maybe that was the problem. He grew tired of her already. She couldn’t blame him–she’d been a lot of work this week. And perhaps nostalgia had run its course.

At least she wouldn’t have to be the one in the awkward position of having to break things off, even though there was nothing solid to stifle, anyway.

Maybe she was in the clear after all.

Relief flooded her tense body.

No conflict. No problems.

Belly rumbling, Keira grabbed a package of cookies and planted herself on the comfy sofa near the fireplace. She didn’t want to leave the room to get dinner and chance running into anyone who might question why she was skipping the big mid-program event. She couldn’t use her leg as an excuse since everyone had seen her walking around for the last couple of days with no issue.

And even though she didn’t care at all, other people would wonder why her so-called match didn’t want to take her to the special event.

With crumbs on her shirt and an overabundance of sugar melting into her tongue, Keira knew she had never been more satisfied.

Though she didn’t miss having the throngs of people crowding her room, she did sort of miss having a constant stream of coffee or tea brought directly to her.

Placing the package of cookies on the couch—what was left of them, anyway—Keira shifted to a stand, motivated by her strong need for tea to go with her cookies.

Unable to find any tea in the caddy, she opened drawers and searched the area. No tea anywhere. And only decaffeinated instant coffee. She’d rather go without than have that, but she also didn’t want to go out. Her need was strong. Strong enough to convince her to go down to the lobby café?

Yeah. She had a need.

Gritting her teeth, she slipped into her comfy sneakers, wincing a little when she twisted her leg the wrong way. Not fully healed, but perfectly fine the majority of the time.

The halls were empty. Everyone had probably whisked away to pre-dance dinners or other romantic events.

Like she would have if she had been with her actual match and not her mistake. Her strange-twist-of-fate-way-too-coincidental-messed-up mistake.

Only, he hadn’t been feeling like a mistake.

So why hadn’t he mentioned going to the dance?

Her head pounded with the need for caffeine. And a nap. Definitely a nap.

The barista in the lobby—Jane, if Keira remembered correctly—smiled broadly as Keira approached.

“You’re walking again! How wonderful.”

Keira thanked her for the help she had given during her rest period. Jane poured tea and made small talk about the upcoming formal as fancied up couples streamed through the area, all giddiness and infatuation. Keira tried to sound confident when she explained that she wasn’t planning to attend.

“I always look forward to the formals. Everyone looks so pretty and handsome and happy.”

Blushing, Jane didn’t make eye contact as she handed the cup of tea across the counter.

“I didn’t mean to offend. I’m sure your match will do something romantic for you. I guess it would be hard to dance when you’re still recovering from your fall.”

Keira slid a tip across the counter.

“No offense at all. To be honest, I didn’t plan to go tonight, anyway, even before the injury. I have an important date with a package of chocolate chip pecan cookies. The only thing missing was this tea. So thank you.”

“Oh boy, Keira. Don’t turn around now, but you’re about to get a very big, very handsome surprise!”

Keira’s heart fluttered and then stopped as she registered the romantic, giddy look on Jane’s face and what the hands clapped over her smiling lips could possibly mean.

No.

Keira shifted her eyes to see if there was a way to escape what was about to become a very awkward situation.

No way out.

And she could feel him approaching.

She whirled around when he said her name, but she moved through space and time in slow motion. Like a movie scene where the character isn’t sure if she’s in a dream or reality. His husky voice, so deep and soothing, washed over her sloppy sadness and filled her with a warmth she didn’t remember having any other time in her life.

What was it about a man dressed in formal attire that made a woman’s heart flutter at dangerously high speeds? And what was it about his quirky smile and his long lashes that made her want to forget all about any reservations she had about him and pull him into her arms and make him promise to love her forever?

He handed her a too-large bouquet of the most beautiful flowers she had ever seen. She couldn’t refuse them in front of the prying eyes of the hotel staff—eyes that had no one else to focus on since the other couples had long since passed through the majestic lobby.

“Interesting choice of attire.”

So caught up in trying to convince her body not to freak out at his presence and his insanely good looks, Keira had forgotten that she wore sweatpants and an Eras Tour t-shirt her coworker had brought back for her from the European leg of the tour.

“I, uh, I didn’t think I’d run into anybody down here.”

She pulled the flowers and her tea close to her chest.

His smile faded as he looked at her, and his eyes widened as a panicked look washed over his face.

“Did you think I wasn’t coming?”

She shrugged, wishing fire didn’t consume her cheeks.

“You don’t exactly have a strong track record with these things.”

Did she say that out loud? Heat spread from her cheeks to the rest of her body, and her throat threatened to close. He winced as if she had slapped him.

“I wasn’t planning to go, anyway. So no worries!”

“I swear I have a good reason. I dropped my phone and the darned thing shattered. Had to go to the tech shop and try to have it repaired, but it took longer than expected. They assured me they’d have it done before the formal, but as of right now I am still phoneless. Otherwise, I would have let you know I’d be late.”

“It’s really okay. You don’t have to explain anything. Honestly, I think a night staying in while everyone else is out appeals to me right now.”

She tried to get past him, but he stepped to the side, blocking her departure.

“Good night, Jared.”

“Please don’t. If you don’t feel up to crowds and dancing, fine. But please don’t check out of the whole evening.”

He stepped closer, his heat enveloping her yet making her shiver.

“I don’t want to waste the time we have together.”

His voice, deep and husky, cracked the slightest bit. A casual observer may have missed the emotional undertones. But Keira heard it. Heard the vulnerability. Felt the tension. Yearned for time with him, no matter how ill-advised.

“I guess if you want to do something else, it’d do me good to get out into the air.”

“Wonderful. I’ll wait here while you get dressed.”

Did he expect more than what she wore? She suppressed a laugh and then told him she’d be right back. She had to bring her flowers to her room and grab a coat, anyway. And boots wouldn’t be a bad idea, especially given her recent challenges with walking.

Minutes later, she rejoined him in the lobby. Though he was chatting politely with Rick, the older gentleman who kept the floors tidy, his gaze immediately pivoted to her. As if he had a sixth sense for her presence.

“Sticking with the sweats, huh?”

he retorted after he excused himself from the grinning Rick and met her midway.

She shrugged.

“They’re warm and cozy.”

And wouldn’t send the wrong message.

“Warm and cozy? Then I approve wholeheartedly.”

“And what if I’m not seeking approval?”

She softened the words with a side-glance and a grin.

He leaned down as they walked, his lips nearly bumping into her ear as he whispered, “You’ve got it anyway.”

A tremor tore through her. Was it an earthquake? Or her world imploding?

“By the way—I noticed the concert tee. Back when I knew you, you were not a fan of concerts. Crowded, loud, smelly, I believe were the adjectives you used?”

“Oh, I don’t know if my views have changed. But actually, the t-shirt was a gift from my friend. Sort of a joke since she knows I’d never actually go to one no matter how much I love the artist.”

“Ahhh, it all makes sense now. I wondered if you had developed an adventurous streak.”

“Nope. Same old Keira.”

“Nothing wrong with that.”

He playfully bumped into her shoulder, knocking more than her stride off balance.

“Sometimes I think I need to incorporate more adventures into my life. Don’t get me wrong—I love the stability of having roots in my hometown. But would it kill me to get out into the world a little? Probably not.”

“You’re here, aren’t you? This is quite adventurous for anyone, never mind the Keira I knew.”

She sighed, inhaling the crisp night air.

“This whole thing takes me waaaayyyy out of my comfort zone. And look what’s happened. Disaster after disaster.”

Jared stopped walking and grabbed her arm, turning her toward him. Under the glow of the street lanterns, he looked ethereal. Angelic.

She knew better.

“I’ve never been a big believer in fate, but you have to admit this whole thing seems predestined. I don’t think either of us would have guessed this would have happened.”

She nodded, unable to think of a response that wouldn’t be unintentionally cruel. Watching his lips move proved too distracting.

“I’m starving. You feel like eating?”

She struggled to break the spell he had her under.

“I was thinking pizza. I may be overdressed for the occasion, but if you won’t complain, I won’t.”

“Pizza suits my sweatpants perfectly. Including the ability to stretch at the waist.”

“Well then, once again, destiny.”

They walked in harmony down the quiet Main Street. Random couples here and there ducked in and out of shops, restaurants, and alcoves, but their numbers were small as most people seemed to want to get to the formal early in the evening for the doorbuster prizes. Promises of exclusive romantic dates had the island talking for days.

“The romance is thick in the air tonight.”

The words were delivered in a thick Greek accented singsong voice as Keira and Jared entered the pizzeria. The outside of Jared’s hand brushed against Keira’s, sending chills and fear through Keira’s nerves. She stepped away and reached for a menu.

“Come. Sit. A table with a view for the lovers.”

Blushing like a thirteen-year-old on her first date, Keira spent more time than necessary settling her purse and jacket onto the chair next to her, only looking up briefly to thank Demetri the waiter for pouring her water.

“Are you okay?”

Jared leaned forward, his forearms resting on the table.

“Yeah, fine. It’s just hot in here.”

She fanned herself to support her comment.

“So tell me what kind of things you like to do for fun back home in Healing Springs. Anything new there?”

“You know how Healing Springs is. Same old stuff, but with new businesses added all the time. There’s been quite a lot of drama, but nothing that would interest a world traveler.”

“Anything that interests you would interest me. I want to see inside that mind of yours.”

She giggled to mask her discomfort. It was not, under any circumstances, because of the giddy way he made her feel with his intense perusal and interest in her.

Yes, she had a bit of a giggling habit to begin with–don’t come for her, she’s a kindergarten teacher! But he amplified this habit more than she cared to acknowledge.

“Come on, tell me how you spend your Saturday nights.”

There was no way she would confess that most Saturday nights included an early dinner with her perfectly-adequate-now-ex-boyfriend, followed by a cuddle session with her spoiled cat while watching romantic movies and dreaming that she could walk on set and live the life of those spirited characters.

She had sacrificed so much for the family who had ultimately betrayed her. She had never learned how to live on her own. For herself.

His kind eyes softened, and that’s how she realized she had spoken all of that out loud.

“I’m so sorry. This is supposed to be a date, not therapy.”

“Don’t ever be sorry for opening yourself up to me. I want to hear everything you’ve been through. And then I want to share everything with you as you experience it fresh.”

She shook her head to clear the negative clouds that threatened to spoil her newfound optimism.

“So you broke someone’s heart to come here, huh?”

He dug his fork into his salad and tried to act nonchalant, but she could see he wanted details.

She grimaced.

“I was honest with him and told him I’d be coming here. He asked if we could keep our weekly dinner dates. He liked going out to restaurants but not alone. Trust me, there was no heart breaking. As I said, he was perfectly adequate in terms of dating, I suppose. But there wasn’t much romantic chemistry there.”

“Not like there is with us…”

He reached a hand across the table. She backed up in her seat and took her napkin from her lap to dab at her lips. He pulled back as if he hadn’t made the gesture at all.

She struggled to regain her equilibrium. Something to drive away the awkwardness. Something to ease the hurt and rejection she had inadvertently cast his way.

“Tell me something about your travels. Your favorite place of any of the places you’ve been? You spoke lovingly about Scotland, but would you say it’s your favorite of all time?”

“That’s a tough question. I think I find something to love in all of the places I’ve been. The landscapes, cultures, warmth and hospitality of the people. Even places I didn’t love when I first arrived didn’t take long to embed themselves into my traveler’s soul.”

He bit into a breadstick and gestured for her to do the same.

“I am absolutely certain that this sounds ridiculous to you. Not the sort of thing that would make your spirit soar. But I’m telling you, there’s something about traveling the world that opens your eyes to so many things you thought you understood previously.”

His eyes locked with hers, and no matter how she tried, she couldn’t look away.

Luckily Demetri came to refill their glasses, breaking the spell if not killing the building tension between them.

Good tension or bad tension? Would she ever know for sure?

Laughter built in her chest as he told her more of his travel misfortunes, and her heart warmed as he shared stories of the hospitality various people had extended to him. He made it sound like the whole world was a small town like Healing Springs.

After they each wolfed down a piece of pizza, he wiped his mouth and asked her to tell him about her work as they each reached for another slice.

She sat up straighter in her seat and told him how she had achieved her dream of becoming a teacher in her hometown school. Probably being polite, he told her how proud he was of her. How in his experience most people altered their course of action and didn’t become what they had set out to be.

She lost track of time as she told him all about her students. About their individual personalities. About their struggles, their joys. How the ones who hugged her every day made her realize she was in the exact place she was meant to be, and how the more challenging behaviors made her realize she had more to learn.

She placed her pizza on her plate, suddenly self-conscious of the way he stared at her. Did she have grease or sauce on her face? She wiped her mouth and chin with her napkin, unease bubbling up inside her.

“What?”

She finally asked, a nervous giggle at the end of the word.

“I’m just amazed.”

“The pizza is pretty good.”

“Not about the pizza.”

Her hands shook as she lifted a piece of gooey cheese to her mouth. She couldn’t look at him. He’d see all of her thoughts and feelings if she did, and that would do nothing but complicate things.

As an act of mercy, perhaps, Jared sat back in his seat and resumed making small talk about the restaurant décor and how it compared to some of the places he had enjoyed in Naples and Rome. Swept away by tales of his culinary adventures, a stirring tickled her belly and she suddenly wished she had a passport.

“I’d say it’s high time you get one, Keira.”

Had she spoken aloud again? She didn’t like this new habit one bit. Worse even than the giggling.

“I think coming here will have to suffice as my big adventure for a while.”

“I have a proposal for the kind of adventure you might enjoy.”

The cheesecake Demetri brought over as a gift must have brought on an avalanche of a sugar rush, because giddiness coursed through her as her heart fluttered.

“A proposal, you say?”

She leaned forward and rested her chin on her folded hands, batting her eyelashes dramatically.

“The whole island will be talking about it!”

“If you accept, then yes indeed they will.”

“And what is this proposal you entice me with?”

“Are you sure you’re ready to hear it?”

“I’m always ready,” she lied.

“I propose…”

He drummed his fingers on the table as if introducing a band to the stage.

“The anticipation is driving me wild!”

He reached over to brush strawberry sauce off the side of her lip, bringing his finger to his mouth to lick away the evidence.

How could he look so casual?

“I propose that we crash the dance, dressed as we are.”

She leaned back and laughed out loud.

“Easy for you to say. You’re not wearing sweatpants!”

“That’s what will make it so fun. Come on—one dance.”

She wanted to say no. She wanted to go back to her room and settle in with a book. Maybe call to check on her cat.

She had no intention of going to the dance, especially with him. And most especially not so underdressed.

So why, minutes later, was she running down Main Street like a fool, leading the way and giggling like a madwoman?

Because she had lost her mind.

But she couldn’t deny that it felt good. Blissful, in fact. She couldn’t remember the last time she had lived for today. For this moment. She was always making plans and structuring her next step.

Not being allowed to hold the wheel as the car skidded around the curvy mountains of a relationship she wouldn’t have chosen exhilarated her in ways she wouldn’t be able to explain if someone asked.

He caught her as they approached the dance, grabbing her arm and spinning her closer to him.

She melted into her own laughter, content with the fresh air, the exercise, and the scent of pizza and soap combining into an anti-anxiety aromatherapy of sorts.

“Going pretty fast for someone recovering from an injury.”

“It feels amazing to be able to move again.”

His nearness had her squirming, so she pulled back a little and zipped her coat up a little higher.

“I never thanked you, by the way. For helping me that night. You’re really good under pressure.”

“If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t have needed help.”

“Good point.”

She smiled, allowing herself to fall into his bold eyes. Eyes that sparkled even under the dim light.

“Shall we?”

He opened the door, and as they stepped inside, a song floated out of the past and anchored itself in her gut, chasing away all the giddiness she had been relishing.

She couldn’t move.

“Are you okay?”

He stepped away from the door, letting it close slowly behind him as his eyes darkened in concern.

“You know what they say about music? How a song can bring us back to a feeling no matter how far removed from the original situation we are?”

He nodded, but his forehead wrinkled.

“The song currently playing is from our high school years. You may not remember it because you weren’t into the Top 40 of the day, but I remember it like it was yesterday.”

“Why do I get the feeling it’s not bringing back positive memories?”

“I guess you’re more intuitive than I’ve given you credit for.”

Her lips tried to smile, but her cheeks threatened to crack.

“I think I’m ready to head back to my room now.”

“Keira, wait. Please don’t end on this note. Talk to me. Tell me what’s hurting you.”

The time for talking was ten years ago, not now. Not here.

And yet, her vocal cords had other ideas. Bad ideas. Ideas about communicating her hurt and clearing the air.

She inhaled some of the polluted air from the past into lungs that wanted to be brave. As she exhaled the muddied air, she spoke her truth.

“I get that dances aren’t a big deal to you, or at least they weren’t back then. But I can’t tell you how much it hurt me when you didn’t show up to take me to the prom. It’s a pain I got over a long time ago, obviously, but hearing that song and being here with you again like this… it’s bringing the feeling of abandonment back and I don’t like it.”

“Keira, I don’t know what to say.”

“It’s okay, there’s nothing that needs to be said. I just wanted you to know why this is a hard night for me. I would be fine with this experience with anyone else, but I can’t do this with you.”

She started walking away, but he stepped in front of her, blocking her from the steps down to the street.

“I won’t try to make you do anything you don’t want to do, but I’m trying to understand this.”

She sighed. Why hadn’t she stayed in her hotel room with her tea and her cookies?

She tried to chastise herself for her willingness to toss aside all the positive vibes they shared this evening, but pain had a funny way of twisting her heart in confusing knots.

“I’m sorry, Keira. I hate to probe into something that causes you distress, but I don’t know why you thought I’d be coming to pick you up for the prom. You broke up with me the week before. I wouldn’t have dared to show up with how angry you were with me.”

“No, that’s not true! We never broke up—you just disappeared! Like I never mattered at all.”

“You told me you never wanted to see me again. We were in your driveway, and we were talking about our plans for after graduation. You told me to go off and have a blast trotting around the globe, remember? And then you kicked me off your property, telling me you’d send your grandmother out to whip me with wet noodles if I ever came near you again.”

Heat torched her cheeks as her memory transported her back in time. He was right. She had said all of those things. She had looked in his eyes and told him she had wasted too many of her years with him already and she didn’t want to waste another day since they wanted such different things. She had pushed him in the chest and told him to get back in his car and drive off a cliff for all she cared.

And then he disappeared.

And somewhere along the line, she had blocked out her part in the ordeal. In the death of their love story.

Her hands fled to her cheeks, but her cold hands did nothing to quell the swelling of the flames.

“You’re right.”

Amazement colored her tone.

“You’re exactly right.”

“I’m surprised you forgot about that. It was so opposite of how you usually behaved. Scared me a little, to be honest.”

His taunting trickled through her foggy brain, teasing emotion out of her like her cat teased out the last crumb of food from her feeder.

“Okay, fine. I forgot that admittedly rather important detail. But still. I thought you’d show up. I thought you’d make a giant romantic gesture and tell me I was all you ever wanted. That you didn’t care about anything as much as you cared about making a life with me.”

“And then we’d live happily ever after?”

“Something like that.”

She shrugged.

“Stupid, I know. High school love isn’t forever love. I realize that now.”

“It’s not a stupid idea. Believe me, the idea of spending my life with you appealed to me even then.”

She fought the tears that threatened to betray her present state of emotional insecurity. She didn’t want him to know he still affected her. That even though ten years had passed, she found herself feeling like a vulnerable teenager, wishing the boy she adored would love her back just as fiercely.

Stupid fairy tales.

“Come in and dance with me. Just one dance.”

She hesitated. Man, she wanted to. His beseeching, long-lashed glance had her convinced there was no better idea.

“Take pity on me. Now that you remember that you were, in fact, the dumper and I, the pitied dumpee.”

How he managed to turn her angst into laughter bewildered her. And what could she do other than place her hand in his offered one? They didn’t need to hash anything out more fully. She could easily ignore the niggling in the back of her head telling her that something he said bothered her.

All she had to do was live in the moment. Enjoy the moment. Hopefully never regret the moment.

With a grin befitting a man who had won a battle, he led her into the ballroom, rustling the chains from her heart with every frolicking step.