Page 16 of A Heart to Find (Sweetheart Island #2)

“Good thing they make snow for the sledding hill, because otherwise we’d be sliding on mud and ice at this point,”

Matt commented as they trudged down the street in thick snow pants they all rented from the resort.

“Why does it feel like it’s fifty degrees out here?”

“I still say a storm is coming. I feel it in the air,”

Jared interjected, bumping his arm playfully into Keira’s shoulder.

“You’ve been saying that for days,”

Keira taunted back.

“My snowstorm hunches aren’t specific. I just know it’s coming.”

“I hope so.”

Keira turned her face to the afternoon sun.

“There’s something so magical about fresh snow falling from the sky.”

Jared watched the sun stream onto her face like a beacon to his heart. He couldn’t pinpoint when exactly he had become so corny, but she brought out the warm fuzzies in him and, well, he liked it.

Elizabeth would be proud.

Seemed weird to think about his deceased wife cheering him on from the afterlife, but they had long ago realized that getting married just to have a steady someone was a dumb idea. They’d been best friends from early in his travel journeys, and when he couldn’t stand how much he missed what he had with Keira, she was the first woman he could imagine making a life with outside of Healing Springs. At first, it had seemed easy. They loved each other deeply.

But it didn’t take long for them to realize that the love they had for each other was the love of best friendship, not passion. Not soul mate love. Not well-matched love.

Divorce had been Elizabeth’s idea. She didn’t want to be married to a man who clearly loved someone else. Who belonged with someone else. And she felt the same—she had an old love that somehow felt timeless but whom she had walked away from. Her old love had remarried and had a kid before she realized he was the only one for her.

They promised to co-parent together and to raise Hailey—the greatest love of both of their lives—to know she was revered by both parents.

But then her diagnosis came. And there was no way Jared would divorce her when she needed him the most, no matter how much she insisted.

So if he wouldn’t willingly leave her to pursue his own happiness, she’d make the arrangements for him.

A sense of calm he’d never known settled in his chest. How Elizabeth had managed this, he’d never know. But he knew he had her to thank for reuniting him with the one woman he knew he could be happy with, no matter what compromises to his vagabond lifestyle he’d have to make.

“You’re deep in thought. Whatcha thinkin’ ‘bout?”

Keira studied his face as they approached the lift to the sledding hill.

“Just thinking how lucky I am to have found you again after all this time.”

“You’re crazy.”

He was. But he was crazy about the way her cheeks turned that lovely shade of red. How she lowered her chin to her chest and shook her head ever-so-slightly.

And how she made his world brighter with her presence.

Laughing and joking with Megan and Matt felt strangely natural as they were pulled to the top of the hill by the resort’s unique Magic Carpet Lift. He had never been a double date kind of guy, but he had also never been quite so enamored. Watching her interact with others was almost as much fun as having her all to himself. Almost.

“I’ll see you at the bottom of the hill!”

Keira shouted over the rush of wind as she climbed onto an old-fashioned wooden sled.

“I don’t think so. I’m riding with you.”

Before she could protest too much, he climbed aboard the sled, wrapping his arms around her waist—for safety, of course. He closed his eyes as her sugary-sweet scent enveloped him. This would be a challenge. But the best kind of challenge.

Her squeal of delight warmed him as they cascaded down the hill, the fresh air nipping at their cheeks. She gripped the side of the sled tightly, as if she were in imminent danger. He laughed in her ear, and she screeched as they approached the bottom of the hill. He threw a foot over the side of the sled to slow their momentum so they wouldn’t crash into the makeshift wall. He stood and held a hand out to her, feeling like he might burst with joy at the sheer innocence and happiness dancing across her face.

“That was amazing. We have to do it again.”

And they did. Over and over again. And each time, her delight warmed him more and more.

Standing in line at the top of the hill, he soaked in the beauty of the view and how magical it all felt.

He was ready to tell her about his daughter. He wanted to tell her that Hailey loved sledding, too, and that together as a family, they could go on adventures like this and never stop smiling. Together.

“Keira, I?—”

“Oh my goodness,”

she whispered, slapping her snowy gloves over her mouth and looking over his shoulder.

“Don’t turn fast, but there’s a deer at the edge of the woods over there. Just staring at us.”

Following her advice, he turned slowly, though he preferred to watch the excitement on her glowing face.

“Do you believe in signs, Jared?”

He nodded.

“Sometimes.”

“I have to tell you. You know I’ve been hesitant about all of this. But something about today has really shifted my way of thinking. Even though I’m devastated that I lost my grandmother’s necklace?—”

“We’ll find it, I swear.”

She nodded.

“But even so, I feel like maybe my grandmother didn’t want me to give up hope. That maybe she’s kicking it up a notch. Her intervention, I mean. And I think seeing that deer there, so calmly watching us, is meant to reassure me that I’m on the right path even though I never dreamed you’d be on the same path as me.”

“I’m honored your grandmother would lead you to me.”

Now would be a good time to mention Elizabeth…

“I want to tell you something, Jared. Something I left out of our earlier talk about my family drama.”

He waited.

She sniffled.

“I was engaged. I won’t go into all the ugly details right now, but I wanted you to know that. We were together for about two years, and I was really close to his little boy. He, uh, had an affair with my sister, which is the big catalyst for my family drama. Don’t get me wrong, my sister and mother and I had our underlying issues, but that’s the whole story. I didn’t want to tell you because… I guess I was ashamed. Embarrassed. And I’m not really ready to talk to you about it more, but it’s been bothering me that I haven’t been fully open and honest with you. I didn’t think I owed it to you when there was no chance that we’d see each other after these two weeks, but now that…”

He tilted her chin to look him in the eyes.

“I understand. Something changed with us. And it’s a good change.”

She nodded, her chin quivering slightly.

“My mother sided with my sister for a number of reasons, but one of the things she said was that I was so strong and self-sufficient, and Kyla needed him more. That they each had kids and could help each other out. Sounds ridiculous that a mother would feel that way or say those things, but that’s the truth of it.”

“Keira, I am so sorry you went through all of that. Though I can’t pretend to be unhappy your engagement didn’t pan out.”

His admission made her burst into frenzied laughter, typical of Keira after an intense emotional moment.

When her laughter subsided and tears streamed down the sides of her face, he wiped the trails away.

“Thing is, I didn’t feel strong and self-sufficient. On the surface, yeah, sure. And I mean, I can obviously make life work for myself and my family. But it hurt a lot that my own mother would side with my sister over something so egregious. I could have forgiven them and overlooked almost anything. But my sister turned into someone I didn’t recognize, and my mother didn’t even try to stand up for me. Not even a little. I don’t know if I’ll ever move past that.”

“Family ghosts can haunt for a long time.”

He knew that well. Having been abandoned by his mother at a young age and then having a father who couldn’t seem to see anything good in him had created wounds that continued to fester.

“I know she didn’t feel like she could do anything but take my sister’s side, knowing Kyla would use the kids as a weapon against her, too. So I try to forgive. I suppose they really do need each other more than I need them—theoretically. But losing the children…”

Her voice trailed off as she stifled a sob.

“I can’t tell you the damage that did to me. And I hate to think of what it did to them, too, to think I chose to walk away from them or to leave their lives. That’s why I’m so serious about wanting to make sure I’m with someone who wants to create a family with me. I need children of my own. Children I create who can’t be taken from me. Obviously I can’t replace the beautiful children I’ve lost, but I can’t risk having my heart torn out like that again.”

Tell her.

“Hey guys! Our reservation for dinner got moved and we need to be there in five minutes!”

Megan yelled from the track next to where they stood.

“Grab a sled and meet us at the bottom!”

She didn’t wait for an answer, but hopped on the sled with Matt and squealed over the crest of the hill

“Thank you for letting me get that out.”

Keira smiled the most brilliant, beautiful smile.

“I think letting all that emotion out worked up my appetite. I am dying for some fried chicken tenders and greasy french fries!”

She pulled him to the sled, effectively ending the conversation and preventing him from telling her what he knew he needed to disclose.

He could have made her stop to listen. He could have casually mentioned his daughter and reassured her that he’d never in a million lifetimes use his daughter as a weapon against her, and that even if things didn’t work between them, he’d always welcome her presence in Hailey’s life.

But he didn’t.

Because he was a coward.

And now she would feel like he kept secrets. Like he hadn’t been open. And even though he had great reasons for not telling her in the beginning, how would he justify not telling her now?

He had to have faith that she’d forgive him for not telling her sooner. That she’d be thrilled their family had already started to grow.

“Are you okay?”

she asked when they reached the bottom of the hill.

He nodded, his throat closing at the tender, concerned look she gifted him with. He removed his glove and brushed her wayward, hill-crazed hair off her face, still unable to believe he was allowed to do so.

He’d tell her tomorrow. He’d show her photos and tell her the whole story about his marriage to Elizabeth and the child who had made him realize he had a nurturing side. The child who had helped him become even remotely worthy of partnering with Keira.

Tomorrow.

For tonight, he’d revel in sharing a meal with her and their friends, and do his best not to think about how he’d be crushing her.

Tomorrow.