Page 5 of A Heart to Find (Sweetheart Island #2)
Keira huffed to keep up with an excited Megan, relishing the burn in her lungs brought on by their swift pace and the cold sea air.
“I can’t even describe to you how romantic he is. He’s going out of his way to learn everything about me. We already know that we both want the same things—kids within a few years, a small house with a big backyard, an organic garden. How perfect, right?”
“I guess the matchmaking system really worked for you, Megan.”
Keira reached out to touch Megan’s puff-jacket encased arm.
“I’m so happy for you. You deserve this.”
“I can’t tell you what your words mean to me, Keir. I know we only just met, but I feel closer to you than I do to my own sisters.”
Keira smiled and blinked away tears at the mention of sisters. Reminding herself that she was in life-rebuild mode, she straightened her shoulders and banished the sadness to the far reaches of her mind.
“I feel the same. Truly.”
“We haven’t had a chance to talk about your match. What a handsome one he is! He looks completely in love with you already.”
Keira’s cheeks burned.
“He’s not.”
“What makes you say that? I’ve become pretty adept at reading people—it’s sort of a self-defense thing after what I’ve gone through in my relationships. That man has infatuation written all over his face.”
“To be honest, the whole thing is a disaster.”
“What? Why? Can we sit on that bench for a minute? I’m getting a cramp.”
Brushing the thin layer of snow off the stone bench, Keira decided she might as well tell Megan the truth. Now that she was fully invested in her own match, Keira’s story wouldn’t likely scare her off.
Megan fished through her coat pocket and retrieved two snack-sized candy bars.
“Here. Take one of these and spill all the deets.”
“There’s not much to tell, really. Jared and I went to high school together.”
“What? That’s crazy! How did that happen?”
“At first I thought it was a well-orchestrated joke, but apparently it was random. Fate? Something. I don’t know.”
“Did you have a crush on him in high school or something?”
The heat in Keira’s face intensified.
“You could say that.”
“I don’t want to interrupt you, but there’s the cutest red bird sitting on a branch right behind you.”
Megan whispered so as not to frighten the bird.
Keira’s heart thudded. Scared to turn around and frighten the bird away, she wondered if this was a sign from her grandmother.
“Megan, do you believe in signs? Like, from beyond?”
“Oh yes I do! And I’m telling you—that bird just appeared out of nowhere as soon as you started talking about your match.”
“He’s not my match.”
Megan gave a stern look.
“Okay, technically he’s my match. But only temporarily.”
“Aaaaaaand…there goes the bird.”
“It flew away?”
“Yup. You’re in denial, my friend.”
“I’m in denial for a very good reason. My match is out there. I know he is. This is a temporary roadblock. Hannah Willows promised me I could have a redo.”
“She thinks it was a mistake?”
“Of course. Isn’t it obvious?”
Megan popped the rest of her candy bar in her mouth.
“Sorry, I can’t say anything.”
Keira laughed and ate her piece of chocolate therapy.
“Where are you guys having dinner tonight?”
Megan asked as they stood to head back to the hotel.
“I’m planning to order in some room service tonight. Catch up on Hallmark movies.”
“While that sounds like a lovely way to spend an evening, don’t you sort of think that defeats the purpose of being here?”
“Let’s go back to talking about your new soul mate.”
Megan laughed and playfully bounced against Keira’s side.
“I just want you to be as annoyingly happy as me.”
“I will be. After this two weeks is over.”
“I need to hear more about your history with this dude.”
As if by divine intervention, Keira spotted Hannah Willows walking on the path ahead of them.
“I don’t mean to ditch you, but I really need to ask Hannah something. Talk to you later?”
“No problem. But please reconsider your dinner plans. Please?”
Keira smiled, hugged Megan goodbye, and jogged ahead to catch up with Hannah.
“So sorry to disturb you on your walk.”
Hannah’s grin was as bright as her hair in the sunlight.
“It’s no disruption at all, daffodil. I hope you and that handsome match of yours have been making it work.”
“That’s actually what I needed to talk to you about. Kind of. Don’t worry, I’m not going back on what I agreed to. It’s just—well, he sent me a text this morning, and I was a little confused because I don’t remember authorizing the resort to share my personal contact information. I just thought you should know in case someone else has an issue with this and makes a bigger deal.”
Hannah’s lips formed an O.
“We never share private information! We take our guest’s privacy very seriously. In fact, exchanging phone numbers is an important step in the dating process, and we wouldn’t want to interfere with that.”
“Oh, wait. You don’t give out numbers?”
Hannah laughed.
“No, lily of the valley. I don’t know how he got it, but it wasn’t from us. Didn’t you say you had a history with him?”
“Yes, but?—”
“I’m guessing he kept your number after all these years, buttercup.”
The older woman had the nerve to wink at Keira.
“I’d say that’s a sign of how he truly felt about you.”
Without another word, the founder of the matchmaking resort strolled away as if walking on clouds.
And Keira was left on her own to figure out how to manage this new information.
Keira arrived in the lobby half an hour before she was scheduled to meet Jared. She needed the time to collect her nerves. Something about knowing he kept her number in his phone had shifted the way she was feeling about him, and she knew she was entering dangerous territory.
She wouldn’t get attached. She couldn’t. She didn’t want to waste any more time than she already had. Listening to Megan talk about how she and her new match were on the same page about kids, a home, and all that other stuff had created a yearning in Keira. She had to keep her mind on the prize—a lifetime of shared goals. Jared would be a distraction.
But still. She couldn’t help the warmth that spread across her belly and chest when she thought of him keeping her number. And he had been nothing but kind and patient with her, even though she had been treating him like a beast.
She could be nice. She could have fun. And since setting appropriate boundaries was a new thing for her in her life, she might as well practice now before getting into her forever relationship where boundary setting would be even more crucial.
She noticed him strolling through the lobby before he caught sight of her on the leather sofa near the enormous fireplace. She enjoyed having a little time to observe him without his knowledge.
He pulled on the bottom of his sweater as if nervous. Jared? Nervous? She’d never seen that in him before.
He scanned the room and finally spotted her. She stood as he approached, and before she could talk herself out of it, she leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek as a greeting.
A hello. Nothing more.
Seemingly caught off guard by her action, Jared stuttered out a “hello.”
She filled in the awkward silence as they made their way out of the hotel and started down the street.
“Are you ready to show off our amazing cooking skills? Do you think this is another competition? If so, we need to win.”
“You’re mighty chipper this morning. Slept well?”
She sighed dreamily.
“I’m not sure I’ll transition back to my apartment very well. This place is spoiling me.”
“Agreed. Makes me think I need to upgrade my mattress at home.”
“They should offer a special deal on mattresses at checkout time.”
She didn’t know why this giddiness was bubbling out of her, but she’d go with it. For the time being, anyway.
“Sort of like a really fancy goody bag.”
Her stomach grumbled, reminding her that her anxiety had kept her appetite at bay last night and this morning.
“Mind if we stop at the coffee shop? I believe there’s a really cute one on the way to the kitchen.”
“I wouldn’t dream of denying you a caffeine fix.”
He remembered that, too, huh?
“I’ll have you know, I have cut waaaaaay back on the amount of sugar I put in.”
“Good to know. You’re sweet enough as it is.”
False praise or not, his words and the deepening tone he used to deliver them made her blush yet again.
“Oh, it’s right here.”
He grabbed the door from a happy couple exiting. She started through the door, but another couple—too caught up in gazing longingly into each other’s eyes to notice her trying to work her way through the space—knocked her into Jared. She fumbled to right herself, grabbing the front of his jacket for balance. His free arm darted up to hold her steady.
He smelled like cinnamon and men’s soap. Nostalgic.
This close, she could see the faint shadows of stubble along his chin. She could feel his breath warming the top of her head, teasing the hairs at the root. Was that his heartbeat thudding against her knuckles?
She wanted more.
So she let go as fast as she could and turned away, suddenly desperate for a chocolate chip scone. And extra sugar in her coffee. Extra, extra, extra sugar.
She felt him watching her as she ordered her caramel latte and cinnamon roll. She asked them to throw in a chocolate chip cookie to top off her order. As she prepared to pay, she remembered her manners and turned to ask if he wanted anything. He smiled and shook his head. Ugh, that smile. He had her flustered, and he knew it.
She turned back to the cashier and sweetly asked for one of those yummy looking pecan braids. For later.
“Hungry? Or just nervous?”
He tried to hand his credit card to the cashier, but Keira swatted his hand away and slipped hers into the pay machine.
“Why would I be nervous?”
She refused to look his way, instead choosing to reorganize her wallet.
“I have no idea. But I seem to remember you having major cravings for sweets around finals time.”
He leaned closer to her shoulder.
“And also around the time of our first kiss. I never saw anyone eat so many doughnuts. But I also never viewed powdered sugar the same way after that.”
She stiffened and walked away, telling him over her shoulder that he was ridiculous. Waiting for her order at the other end of the corner, she tried to think of something she could say to change the topic.
He was enjoying her discomfort way too much.
But all she could think about were powdered sugar kisses.
“Maybe you should go ahead without me while I wait for my order. Save us a spot.”
“Oh sure, because walking into a couples’ cooking class alone wouldn’t be awkward at all.”
“Never knew you to be so insecure,”
she teased.
“Ooh, those are fighting words.”
His eyes twinkled. She looked away.
“Fighting is what we did best, right?”
she shot back.
“That’s not how I remember it.”
Keira thanked the coffee gods and the barista for pushing her order across the counter at that very moment. She immediately pulled the cookie from the bag and devoured a large section of it, smiling at him around the mouthful.
The sidewalk was packed with couples venturing off for their scheduled dates. Though she usually didn’t care for crowds, this was a blessing in disguise, because it made conversation difficult for the rest of the walk.
She admired the movie-set quality of the culinary center as they entered, smiling at how cozy the whole thing looked. As if they’d be having a pie bake-off at any moment.
Too bad she really couldn’t cook.
She couldn’t help but smile when Jared slipped into the red and white striped apron. She put hers on, too, reaching behind her to tie it while laughing at him for trying to tie his into a pretty bow.
The instructor announced that they’d be making pasta.
Keira turned toward Jared, determined to let go of the awkwardness she had been carrying since the coffee shop incident.
“That’s easy. I can boil spaghetti like it’s an art form.”
She giggled at her own words, but stopped laughing when the instructor told them to get a bowl and the bag of flour from the shelf beneath their workspace.
“Flour?”
She practically gulped.
“That’s generally what they use to make pasta.”
The devil had the nerve to wink at her.
And her insides had the nerve to do a flip in response.
“Okay, I get that. But why go through the trouble of making-making it when it’s a buck a box? Cheaper on sale.”
Jared’s eyes shifted over Keira’s right shoulder, and dread consumed her as she turned to find the instructor standing there, silently listening in on Keira’s commentary.
“Pasta from a box can hardly be called pasta. You will taste the difference. Don’t be surprised if you never go back to your old ways.”
And with a tap of her wooden spoon on her own palm, the instructor, Lucia, drifted back to the front of the room. Her not-entirely-gentle correction stung Keira’s cheeks, and Jared’s obnoxious attempt at hiding his laughter brought heat to the tips of her ears.
Oh, she’d get him back.
She refused to look at him as she followed Lucia’s direction, wanting to prove her dedication to the art of pasta making after that terribly timed faux pas. Jared set up the rolling machine, which looked like a medieval torture device. She continued rolling out the sticky dough until holes started forming in the middle.
“Psst. I don’t think that’s supposed to happen.”
She glared at him until laughter bubbled up in her throat.
“I don’t suppose it is.”
She collected the dough and squished it between her hands, reforming the original ball. Jared sprinkled more flour over the ball and onto the counter.
Lucia made her way around the room, complimenting everyone on their dough and their technique.
She stopped short when she got to the mountain of flour in front of Keira.
“I told him to stop adding flour…”
Keira wished her voice didn’t come out so weak. And squeaky. But that’s what happened when she tried to contain a poorly timed laugh. Just like when one of her students said something wildly inappropriate but insanely funny.
“Add water. You two will have enough spaghetti to feed the entire island.”
She started walking away, but Keira didn’t miss her muttered, “If anyone will want to eat it.”
Jared bit his flour-coated knuckle to prevent his laugh from escaping.
“This is all your fault,”
she teased.
“I’d say holey pasta dough is better than this mountain of dry flour you’ve created. Now we’re going to be at this all day.”
“My bad, my bad. Maybe I have ulterior motives.”
“To make us have to eat spaghetti for the rest of the week?”
“To spend more time with you?”
She rolled her eyes, but a warm glow started behind her belly button and spread in the general direction of her heart.
Jared added water to the dough and took a big chunk of it, rolling and squishing it against the floured surface.
“One of us had better learn to cook if we have any hope of survival.”
“I don’t see why that should matter. We won’t be together after these two weeks, and they have plenty of prepared food on this island for us.”
Tension rolled through the air and landed with a thud in the bottom of her gut. Why had she said that? Why had he? Though her words were true, she’d promised herself not to cause any hurt feelings.
When he next spoke, his tone was lighter. As if the tense moment hadn’t happened.
“Remember that time we tried to make pancakes for dinner when we were taking care of your little sister while your mother went away for the weekend?”
“You mean when we burnt them so badly that the fire department came to rescue us?”
“And we had to use your babysitting money from the weekend before to take the whining teenager to the diner?”
“And we had to watch her eat because we didn’t have enough for us to order, too?”
“I forgot about that part.”
His chuckle brought the memory to life. Why had she banished so many of these memories? Weren’t they part of her life, even if things didn’t end the way she had thought they would?
“Good times,”
she teased.
“What’s up with your family now? How are your mom and sister doing?”
“Well…there have been a lot of changes. And to be honest, I don’t really know how they’re doing. They cut me out of their lives.”
Jared stopped the rolling pin mid-motion and gaped at her.
“Why on earth would they do that?”
Keira shrugged and threw all her negative energy into pressing the giant ball of dough. Her fingers hurt with the strain, but not as much as her heart hurt with the thoughts of all that had gone wrong.
“It’s a complicated story. Basically, they and my sister’s children lived with me?—”
“Hold up—she has children?”
“Yes, Kyla had a baby soon after she turned eighteen and another right before she turned twenty. Precious, precious babies. I was so excited to be an auntie!”
“I can imagine. You were always so good with kids.”
Tears welled in her eyes, but she refused to shed them. She had cried enough over this mess of a dysfunctional family, and she didn’t want him to see exactly how hard their rejection of her had hit.
“So they lived with you? Your mom and your sister and the kids?”
She nodded, trying to ignore the lump that formed in her suddenly dry throat.
“They could never quite figure out how to manage on their own. I did my best, but sometimes their disregard for me built up. Eventually, they decided they didn’t need me anymore, and that was that. They moved out. Took the kids. Left behind a mess for me to clean up. And swore they’d never see me again.”
She couldn’t tell him the rest. Couldn’t speak it aloud. Couldn’t relive it.
Couldn’t see the pity on his face if he learned the full truth of what her sister and Keira’s fiancé had done to destroy their family.
Couldn’t elaborate on how much it pained her every single moment of every single day to think about how much she missed the children she had helped raise. Had provided for. Had loved with every beat of her heart.
Had thought she’d have in her life forever.
Jared reached his hand over and placed it on top of hers, ceasing her smashing of the dough for a moment.
“Keira, I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how much that must hurt you. You always put your family first. My earliest memories of you are of you taking care of your sister. You always seemed so far beyond your years. So much older than you were, even though your sister wasn’t that much younger than you.”
She sniffled. She couldn’t help it. She hadn’t been able to unload much. Her best friend was supportive and let her talk about it at times, but she had always felt that Keira was being taken advantage of and was glad they were out of Keira’s life.
“This is just so unbelievable. You did more for them than anyone would for family members. How does your mom play into all of this?”
Keira let out a snicker.
“Oh, she took Kyla’s side, of course.”
“I can’t believe I’m hearing this. Keira, you have always been the one to help that family run smoothly. You put them first always. I can’t imagine that changed.”
“That’s the problem, I think. They got used to me sacrificing. I guess they started to expect it. And to this day I would give them whatever they need, even in spite of the way they treated me. But I can’t live my life as a doormat. And they don’t know how to relate to me as anything but a place to collect their dirt.”
She breathed pasta dough scented air deep into her lungs.
“Robyn thinks they resented me because I had my life more or less together and they could never quite get there. I don’t know. It’s a theory, I guess.”
“Makes sense. People tend to resent those who have power over them.”
“I never wanted power. I just wanted to help. And I also wanted to live my life without unnecessary stress and negativity. You know, half the time they’d act mad at me but refuse to tell me what they were even mad about. It’s so hard living with people who won’t be truthful. Who won’t even give you a chance to fix whatever they think is wrong.”
“I’m so sorry for all you’ve gone through with them.”
“The worst part is how much I miss the kids. I mean, I thought I was close with my mother, too. I never expected her to turn her back on me the way she did. She didn’t even try to understand where I was coming from. That hurt. A lot. But not seeing the precious faces of the nephew and niece that I helped raise? It’s like I’m mourning a death, only they’re still alive. And they probably don’t understand why Auntie Keira disappeared from their lives.”
Jared removed her hand from the dough and turned her to face him. He held her upper arm with one hand and tilted her chin up with the other.
“Someday they will be back in your life. And they will remember the impression you left on them. The love you gave them. No one forgets your impact on them. I promise.”
She wanted to believe him. Wanted to believe he had felt her impact. That he had longed to be with her the way she had longed for him over the years. That he had sought her out in every woman he dated, just like she searched for him in the eyes of every man she met.
She had questions. What had he been up to over the last ten years? Had he been in any serious relationships? Had he ever thought of coming to find her?
Of calling her, since he still had her number?
But she couldn’t bring herself to ask.
Those questions were too intimate.
She appreciated that he had allowed her to spill this emotional train wreck of her life onto his lap, but she didn’t want to focus on it.
“What about your grandmother? What does she think of this mess?”
Lucia made her way to their area before Keira could respond. Saved once again.
“I was willing to forgive the fact that you two were so far behind the rest of the class when you were still working on that mess of a ball of dough, but now you’re making a mockery of the process. Everyone else is already placing their strands of spaghetti on the drying racks. You haven’t even rolled yours out yet.”
Keira turned back toward the dough and discreetly wiped her eyes while Jared charmed Lucia. Thankful for the distraction, Keira returned to her duties with newfound determination.
“I think we’re in the clear,”
Jared whispered to her.
“You just have a little…”
He took the edge of a paper towel and rubbed it around her eyes.
“I think I got most of the flour.”
“Thank you.”
For everything.
“Here, I think this slab is ready to go through the roller.”
For the next thirty minutes, they laughed as they struggled to crank the dough into thinner and thinner sheets. After finally earning Lucia’s begrudging approval, they were able to send each sheet through the spaghetti cutter.
When the last of the pasta was hanging to dry on the wooden rack, they released simultaneous sighs of relief.
“That was tougher than I thought it’d be!”
Keira started toward the sink to wash her hands.
“I have a new level of appreciation for Italian chefs.”
Jared nodded in agreement as he washed his hands in the sink beside hers.
“And by the way,”
she casually mentioned, “I may not be able to cook much at all, but I will have you know that I have perfected the art of pancake making. I now make award winning pancakes.”
“Award winning, huh? Is this a new Healing Springs festival?”
She shrugged and allowed her smile to spread across her whole face.
“Breakfast with Santa at the elementary school. But the kids voted on it, so it’s legit. Especially with all the fun toppings they were allowed to add.”
She glanced into his eyes and noticed a shadow pass there. He shuttered the emotion and leaned over to grab a towel to dry his hands.
Forgetting to think things through, Keira blurted, “Hey, you want to grab some dinner tonight? Together?”
With a slow smile and a sparkle in his eyes, Jared responded in the affirmative.
And though she had regrets about extending their time together by the time they arrived back at the hotel, she knew she couldn’t get out of it. It had been her idea, after all.
So she did the next best thing. She invited Megan and her match to join them. A buffer was just what she needed. Luckily, Megan agreed immediately. And her match was so smitten, he’d go along with anything if it made Megan smile.
If anyone deserved to get something great out of this experience, it was Megan. Keira couldn’t have been happier for her.
And though it stung watching her new friend fall so deeply in love so fast, it also served as inspiration.
Not for a life with Jared—no way. But with someone. Someone who would want the same romantic life that she did. And who would love her as fiercely as she would love him. Exactly like the love her grandparents shared.
If she was drawn toward her cutest outfit to change into for dinner, that didn’t mean anything. And if she spent a little extra time on her hair and makeup, that didn’t mean anything, either. She just didn’t want to be embarrassed amidst all the other well-groomed women on the island.
And if all her daydreams incorporated the very man she swore she’d never fall for again, well that didn’t mean anything at all.