Page 8 of A Heart to Find (Sweetheart Island #2)

Jared balanced the two cups of freshly brewed coffee as he knocked on the door to Keira’s room. He had planned a day of calm activity for her so she could continue resting, but realized as soon as the door opened for him that his plans might be waylaid.

The room bustled with familiar faces and faces he had no recollection of seeing. Hotel staff mulled about, pouring coffee and replenishing snacks on a sideboard.

Caught between disappointment at not having the alone time with her he craved and awe that so many people thought highly enough of her that they’d give up their morning to spend time here with her, Jared worked his way through the crowd toward the object of his affection. Looking uncomfortable on what looked more like a throne today than a cozy leather chair with ottoman, her eyes lit up when she noticed him entering her orbit.

That’s what he told himself, anyway.

“Thank goodness you’re here,”

she whispered to him, confirming his first impression.

“This place is a madhouse. The room is quite big for a hotel, but I had no idea it could fit this many people.”

“Want me to get rid of them?”

She nodded and then shook her head.

“That would be rude. But oh man. The introvert in me is screaming for a time out.”

“I’ll take care of it.”

A few minutes later, he returned to Keira’s side with news that the room would clear to make way for the courting couple to have a private date.

“How did you manage that?”

“I have my ways.”

He grinned and raised an eyebrow as people streamed over in waves to say goodbye to Keira and to wish her well healing. Several of them promised to stop by later.

When the volume level of the room had finally decreased enough to hear the flickering of the fire, Jared let out a sigh of relief.

Keira did too.

“That was a lot! Don’t think I’m ungrateful for their kindness. I’m just not used to being the center of attention like that. Especially when I couldn’t play hostess.”

“No one expected you to be serving them. But you deserve to be the center of attention. You look quite royal on your throne over here.”

“You’re lucky it’s too much work for me to get up to slap you. And also that I strive to lead the kind of life I tell my kindergartners they should adhere to.”

“Amazing to think of what I could get away with…”

“Ha. Ha.”

Her sarcastic tone made him smile.

“Luckily for you, I’m a perfect gentleman and wouldn’t do anything to annoy you while you’re chairbound.”

A snort came forcefully from her throat, and her eyes crinkled wildly at the corners.

“Perfect gentleman. You jest.”

She held her belly as her laughter increased.

“Oh man, my abs hurt.”

“Glad I could amuse you.”

He meant it. Seeing her laughing made him want to jump through whatever hoops necessary to keep her so jolly.

“Never knew you were such a comedian.”

She wiped tears from her eyes and laughed some more.

“Did they give you some strong meds for pain? I’m thinking something else is affecting your judgment of what is funny.”

He winked and smiled.

“Ugh, no. I’m just so bored sitting here like this. It doesn’t really hurt much. I think if I walk around it’ll be fine.”

“That’s a big nope, Keira. You need to rest it. We’ll bring the fun of the island to you.”

“I’m actually sort of excited to have this time with you without distractions.”

She was?

Perhaps she was warming to him after all.

“I need to know some things.”

His gut tightened, and sweat gathered at his temples.

“And there are things I want to tell you.”

She released a deep breath through pursed lips.

“Let me go first.”

“Of course, Keira. I don’t want there to be anything between us.”

Her piercing eyes sought truth from his, and he wanted to oblige her.

Even if the full reveal of the truth scared him witless.

She took a long sip of water and then clutched her glass to her chest.

“Why did you decide to find love at a matchmaking resort? I’ve been trying to wrap my mind around it, but it doesn’t make sense to me. This is the complete opposite of what you wanted in life. You wanted to experience the world without the heavy weight of love, remember? Or was that a lie you told me so you could protect my self-esteem?”

She choked on those last words—words that were a vise on his aching heart.

He leaned forward and gripped the side of the chair, wishing he could hold her and tell her how much he regretted leaving her back then.

“It wasn’t a lie, I promise you.”

She sniffled a little, and he remembered how her nose would always start running before tears started flowing.

He couldn’t handle her tears. Not if he were the cause of them.

“Keira, I did need to experience the world. And I loved it. But a few years after I left, I realized that it couldn’t fulfill me the way loving you had. Knowing how badly I messed up was torture.”

She closed her eyes. He watched her chest rise and fall with each breath.

“That’s almost worse,”

she muttered.

“But it’s also kind of nice to know you suffered a little.”

“I really did. I wanted to call you a million times.”

A self-deprecating laugh punctuated his next words.

“I was too afraid of your reaction if you heard my voice on the phone. I tried to track you down online, thinking I could casually slide into your DMs, but I couldn’t find you anywhere. I figured if I could check you out on social media, I could work up the nerve to reach out more personally.”

Speaking his truth out loud stung. The first year or two had been the adventure he craved. And though he had often been surrounded by women and had no problem getting into casual relationships, he had felt the true pangs of loneliness. He had left his heart behind in Healing Springs, and Keira had been the keeper of it. He had never been able to replicate the emotional intimacy he had once shared with her.

“You tried to find me online?”

Her voice squeaked and her eyes widened. Her bright eyes glistened.

He nodded and cleared his throat.

“Someone close to me suggested this matchmaking resort. I can’t say I thought it was a great idea at first, but eventually I relented. I think I’m like most people here and figure if I can’t find love on my own, maybe someone else could take a shot and have better luck.”

Someone close to me? Why hadn’t he taken the opportunity to tell her about his wife? He hadn’t meant to keep Elizabeth a secret–not when they were sharing information about their time post-high school.

His leg bounced of its own volition.

“So you really didn’t know I’d be here? You were hoping to match with a new person?”

“I never dreamed you’d be here. Not like this. I figured you’d be married, have a bunch of kids, be living your happily-ever-after without me in the story.”

He grasped her hand and held it between his two larger ones.

“But this is the wildest thing I never could have imagined. I wouldn’t have dreamed it could work out this way, but I’m ridiculously happy that it did.”

“But do you think anything has really changed? I mean, sure. We’ve matured. Maybe I can get over the grudge holding I’ve been doing. But when we were younger, we had much different life goals. You wanted to travel, while I wanted roots. You didn’t want a family, and that’s all I wanted.”

A knock at the door stopped his heart from pounding in his throat. His dry mouth tried desperately to form the words he knew he had to reveal to her. The words that would either break her heart or heal it.

Keira pulled her hand away and lifted her buzzing phone.

“That’s Megan and Matt at the door. Would you mind letting them in, please?”

She moaned as she shifted in her seat, reaching down to rub her calf.

“Of course. But let me adjust your ice pack first.”

Like a Victorian suitor, his fingers tingled as they grazed her leg. He offered her ibuprofen and water, trying his best to keep his sigh to himself when her friends started rattling the doorknob once again.

Annoyed at the interruption, Jared struggled to regain his sense of equilibrium as he crossed the room and opened the door.

“Surprise! We have a fun morning planned with you guys!”

Jared bit back a retort. Would have been nice to get a warning ahead of time.

But he acknowledged that it was his own shame driving his negative internal thoughts.

“Couples’ massages!”

“That sounds delightful,”

Keira responded.

Jared tapped Matt on the back of his shoulder in greeting and closed the door behind him.

“And since you can’t walk on that foot quite yet, they’re bringing the spa to your room,”

Megan gushed.

“What a thoughtful surprise,”

Keira said, not sounding as thrilled to Jared’s ears. But Megan and Matt didn’t seem to pick up on her social masking.

Moments later, staff members in teal scrubs swarmed the room, rearranging furniture and setting up massage tables while instructing the couples to change into the provided loose-fitting, lightweight spa clothing.

Anxiety coursed through his body. He needed more time alone with Keira so he could get everything out in the open. Withholding this important piece of his heart and his life felt dishonest, and the last words she dropped about their stances on families back in the day could come back to bite him if he wasn’t careful.

But after such an emotionally charged conversation coupled with the feeling that she was getting to the point of believing this relationship might stand a chance, he couldn’t bomb her with news of his child in front of the bubbly couple they now shared space with.

He needed alone time.

But as his heart’s racing settled, his face reddened. He was a coward.

Because now with his anxiety and fear somewhat abated, relief nestled into his belly and curled up like a happy hunting dog at the end of a long day.

Selfishly, he planned to allow himself to use this relaxation time to continue to convince Keira that she could love him again.

Like he had never stopped loving her.

Keira couldn’t relax into the masseuse’s skilled hands, no matter how much the masseuse commented on how tight her muscles were. The pleas to relax only made her tighten up more.

The need to question Jared more about their time apart and his new feelings hammered in her head.

Had he really changed as much as he claimed to have?

Could she trust that his motivations were pure?

Did she dare to take down a piece of the wall she had built around her heart to protect herself from men like him?

The last time she let herself feel anything even semi-deep for a man, he ran off with her sister.

Trust didn’t come easy.

She glanced over at the object of her indecision, making eye contact because he had done the same.

She quickly averted her gaze.

She took a deep breath, easing the lavender scented air into her lungs. Classical music played softly, beckoning her to relax. Relax. Relaaaaaaaax.

No matter how hard she tried, and no matter how wonderful the masseuse’s skilled hands felt on her aching and stressed muscles, she couldn’t let go of the feeling that her heart was already taking over her decision-making process.

But could she trust it?

Her grandmother’s locket dug into her chest.

Thanks for the reminder, Nana.

A tiny bubble of joy welled up inside her, and before she could contain it, the betraying emotion spread.

She had to be honest with herself. Trusting this process was important to her. She wanted to believe in the merits of this particular matchmaking. She wanted to trust Jared. She wanted this thing to work.

She wanted to believe her grandmother had led her here. To follow in her own footsteps of lifelong love.

“That’s much better. Your muscles are melting into the massage.”

“That’s a testimony to your great skill,”

Keira complimented.

What she didn’t say was that it was also a testimony to making up her own mind to let go of the self-protection—at least a little. Not enough to get her heart broken again, but enough to allow herself to enjoy her time on the island with Jared, even if it couldn’t end with a relationship.

She’d be better prepared for the next go-round. No more emotional scarring. Maybe they could even be friends.

Once the massages were done, Megan asked if Keira would feel well enough to do something low impact like swimming.

“I’d love that. Honestly, with the ibuprofen and the icing of my leg, it’s feeling a lot better already.”

“That’s awesome, Keir! So no volleyball, but let’s go swimming before lunch. Sound good?”

Keira shrugged.

“As long as it’s okay with everyone else.”

She glanced over at Jared, who sat in silence with Matt while they waited.

“I guess we should include them in the planning.”

“Why start now?”

Jared joked while Matt smiled broadly and winked.

Megan shot a teasing glance and a shrug in Keira’s direction.

“All right. I guess that means we’re on! Meet you there in fifteen?”

Jared didn’t seem overjoyed at the prospect, but he maintained his jovial attitude while he helped her to her dressing area so she could change. He told her he’d be back to get her after going to his room for his swimsuit, and he was back in less than ten minutes.

Frolicking in the pool for the afternoon was exactly what Keira needed to boost her spirits. The water healed in ways nothing else could. Jared had helped her hobble down to the pool area, insisting they take it slow and watching her closely to make sure she used the crutches the resort had provided for moments when she wanted independence, though he seemed to prefer it when she leaned on him for support. She could almost put full pressure on her leg in a standing position, so she knew she’d be fully healed soon and able to resume normal activity. But getting out of the room and enjoying Jared’s company in such a playful place did wonders for her spirit.

And even though she wanted to play investigative reporter and ask him all the things her mind burned to know, she resisted the temptation. She’d let things flow naturally. Have faith.

Hoping and praying all the while that he wouldn’t let her down again. She couldn’t afford another scar from him on her already battered heart.

Because long after their relationship came to its natural conclusion and she looked forward to kindling a new relationship with her meant-to-be, her heart would bear the scar. And she knew all too well what a Jared-sized scar felt like when it was emblazoned on her broken heart.