Page 55 of A Fate of Ice and Lies (Fated #1)

Chapter

Twenty-Three

TEDDY

While most days our town tremored with stress, Colina Verde Community Food Bank was filled with easy chatter today.

With the trades Elias had set up with other regions, we didn’t just have meat and produce, but sweets. Strawberry shortcakes, brownies, and such a large variety of cookies that Victoria didn’t know where to start. It was the mouthwatering smell of freshly baked bread that made me drool.

For this one market day, our rations had been set higher so we could not only indulge but also enjoy Elias’s hard work. It felt like a peace offering after he had to cut our rations in half a little over a week ago.

With a piece of warm bread in my mouth, I left Javier and the girls to choose whatever desserts they wanted while I rummaged through the clothes that had been donated.

Many were made with the same material as my blanket and the beanie I wore most days.

Again, it was all Elias’s work while he was nowhere to be found.

Not that anyone in town wanted to see him.

They didn’t mind benefitting from all his efforts while they’d managed to reach new lows on how they despised him and conspired against him.

I still went to the secret meetings if only to ensure no one planned on acting on their hatred of him and his friends.

A part of me understood, though. Elias had shown us the more brutal side of fae, which had everyone on edge. It didn’t help that Everly had once gone to our secret meetings and heard things that weren’t meant for fae ears.

Thoughtful, I picked up a long-sleeved white-and-green shirt and tugged it to my chest. It had a similar pattern to the ones Brenton had dropped off for the girls, Javier, and me a few days ago.

They had quickly become my favorite clothes, not only because of how warm they kept me but also because I could almost feel Elias, smell him, touch him through the fabric of the shirts.

All this missing him was making me ridiculous.

I knew from my nightly visits with Nalari that he was okay. That he was adjusting to living with my rejection. I was selfish in my desire to speak to him again as he was healing. I should let him move on, let him live without me hurting him again.

But then I’d be no better than what he’d initially done to me, this time shielding him from me for his protection.

That night in the woods, I’d told him I didn’t want him in my life, and he’d obliged. He still took care of me in his ways without ever crossing the line I’d set between us.

I was the one who had to go to him. I’d been working on it these past nine days, talking to Ryenne who’d allowed herself to fall in love with Nate without any fear.

Talking to Brenton, who explained things about fae that helped me understand Elias better.

Talking to Mom, who never answered, but it still made me feel better.

And taking any moment I saw him to talk to him. It didn’t happen often, and too many times, I cut the conversation short because of how awkward I felt. Each time I did, his expression fell, making me angrier and more frustrated with myself.

The memory of how he’d taken care of me carried me and made me yearn for so much more. But I didn’t go to him until I was ready. Although neither of us could promise each other to never hurt the other, I wanted us to be an “us” again. We’d figure out the rest along the way.

On my phone, I sent Javier a message through Instagram that I was going to see Elias. I just hoped he was at his place and my long hike wasn’t pointless.

While the snow in our town and around our homes wasn’t deep, the trek to Elias’s wasn’t easy.

Each step I took felt heavy. Each breath like a sharp dagger in my chest. I scanned the trees I passed, hoping I didn’t come across another lirio, not that I’d seen one since that day.

Although the hike was hard, long, and a little terrifying, it helped me work through my nerves and come up with a speech on what I wanted to say—a speech I was sure to forget as soon as I saw him.

When I finally reached Elias’s house, I found him standing at the edge of his property. Hands in his pockets, he had his body pointed toward the woods where we’d escaped to be by ourselves. A solitary figure that maybe wished to remain alone.

In a nearby pasture, his livestock grazed along with nine large thunderbirds, who didn’t seem inclined to attack.

I’d already heard from Nalari that she’d broken through a spell Leanora had placed on them, leaving at least those nine as their protectors.

I was glad to hear it if for no other reason than Elias had these birds to guard him.

Assuming of course, Leanora couldn’t turn them against him again. God, I hoped she couldn’t.

Elias’s posture tightened the closer I got, but he never turned to me. Never acknowledged that I was there.

I drew in a deep breath, and on a soft exhale, I reached for him. His shoulders went impossibly tight when I rested my hand on his right arm. His skin was warm against the snow that fell around us. Soft. So soft with sinewy muscles that twitched at my contact.

“Elias,” I whispered.

He turned his head to me slowly, his eyes filled with longing and pain, which I’d put there. When he looked away without saying anything, my chest ripped open.

“I’m sorry, Elias.” Unsure if he wanted my touch, I dropped my hand.

He flinched. I wasn’t sure what to do. Wasn’t sure what he wanted me to do.

I could do this, though. For him. I would say what I came to say, what I should’ve said weeks ago, and then leave, giving him the choice of what he wanted next.

“I know you never meant to hurt me. I know. . .” My voice broke.

His head fell forward while he loosened a breath.

I licked my lips. “I know you did what you felt you had to do. I know I would’ve died if you hadn’t shown up.”

The tension in his shoulders seemed to ease as his arms shook, but he stayed there with his back to me.

“Thank you for saving me.” I cleared my throat. “Thank you for looking out for me every day since you came here. ”

He shook his bowed head. When I squeezed his arm this time, his hand latched on to mine.

“Thank you for telling me the truth when I asked you. I’m sorry I hurt you.” I paused. “Do you think. . .”

I shuddered in a breath. He turned to me slowly, his eyes violet and rimmed in red with the tears that glistened behind them.

“Do you think we could start over?” I asked.

His throat bobbed. “I’d like that. It’s just.

. .” He paused, seeming to wrestle with his thoughts.

When he pushed out his next breath, he said, “I can’t lose myself to my primal instincts again.

I want to start over, but I need to know you won’t turn away the next time we disagree.

” He held up a hand before I could say anything.

“I know this wasn’t a regular disagreement.

You had every right to be angry with me and turn away from me.

You still do. I was wrong in not giving you the chance to make your own decisions and instead erased your memory.

I’m sorry for that, Teddy. I’m sorry for a lot of things.

” With his palm, he rubbed the center of his chest.

The way his eyes dulled with each spoken word seared a slash across my heart. Uncertain how he’d respond, I wrapped my arms around his neck, hands shaking. He stilled, and the knot in my stomach loosened for the first time in a month when he hugged me back.

“I’m sorry,” I breathed into his neck.

He ran his hand from the top of my head to my lower back. “I’m the one who’s sorry.” His hold on me was tight as if he were afraid to let me go. “Thank you for forgiving me.”

Had I forgiven him? I wasn’t sure. What I did know was that I’d missed his presence, his touches, him, and I knew my life— and hopefully his— would be better together .

“I understand you’re fae.” I swallowed. “And you have your way of doing things, but I need you to understand that as a human, there are things that are simply right and wrong to me. There’s no blurring of lines.

I know you care about me. I know you want to protect me, but you will not shield me from things because of it.

You will not take my will away and force anything on me.

I make my own decisions, and I’m deciding to trust you again. ”

“I won’t take your trust for granted or betray you again.

” He squeezed me tighter, nestling his face against my throat, where his warm breath heated my skin.

“I will do my best to honor what you deem right and wrong, but, Teddy, if anyone hurts those I care about. . . When that male hurt you, I wanted to tear through him.”

His whole body trembled as snow fell on us in thick clumps.

“You didn’t, though,” I whispered. “You waited for my direction.”

“I don’t know that I’ll always have that kind of control. Can you understand that?” The meaning behind his apprehension hit me.

I ran my fingers through his hair, wanting to soothe him. Inch by inch, his taut muscles relaxed.

“Just make sure you know exactly what’s going on before you do anything about it.”

He shuddered out a breath. “What I did to Javier’s father haunts me every day. There’s no ridding myself of it or the guilt. No matter what I do, I know I can never make up for it.”

His quiet admission had me holding him tighter and kissing his tear-stained cheeks.

I stepped back so I could look at him. So he could look at me .

“You are a good male, Elias.”

He dipped his head down, as if he were casting away my declaration. I held his face, forcing him to look at me. Unrelenting tears fell down his cheeks in quiet succession.

“You give so much of yourself to everyone,” I continued, running my thumb across his cheek. “You give and you give to everyone and not only to those you care about. Your love is selfless.”

His eyes flared, searching my face as if he wanted my words to be true.