Page 44 of A Fate of Ice and Lies (Fated #1)

Chapter

Seventeen

TEDDY

I hurt. Deep inside, my heart hurt. My soul hurt. I felt lonely.

That feeling only grew with each friend who came by my little cabin near the woods.

I loved Ryenne for fleeing with me without question.

Loved Donnie for coming by and checking on me.

Loved Nate for the way he came for Ryenne.

Loved each of them for staying when I couldn’t muster out more than a few words.

I didn’t tell them. I couldn’t tell them about the first time I’d met Elias.

About everything he’d willingly hidden from me.

Instead, I spent my night outside with Nalari.

At some point during the night, Brenton showed up too.

Neither he nor Nalari talked, which was fine with me.

I had enough trouble listening to the ruckus in my head.

Nalari kept the ground around me dry and warm. Sometimes I’d feel her sift through my mind. While I didn’t like the invasion of privacy, there wasn’t really anything there that my expression hadn’t already revealed .

Sometime after I’d left, Elias had left too. Just disappeared. I wasn’t sure where he was, how he was, and despite staying with me, I could feel Nalari’s anger with me. Her disappointment.

Which I understood, but Elias had disappointed me too. He’d hurt me too.

Watching the twinkling stars was soothing, though.

It reminded me how small and insignificant I was.

While I was the main character of my story and my pain was at the forefront of my mind, I was a speck of dust in this grand world.

My worries were minuscule compared to the world we shared with so many different creatures.

Knowing that made my worries feel smaller. Made me feel lighter.

Still, I fretted over where Elias was. How he was.

It was a little after five in the morning when Nalari stood, her mighty muscles stretching with each movement, and glanced in the direction of Elias’s home.

“Elias is back.” She blinked before she lifted her snout into the air.

Brenton stood from where he’d spent most of the night and brushed the snow off his pants. Not knowing if he heard her, I told him what she’d said.

I edged up to lean on my left elbow. “Is he okay?” My voice was dry from lack of use.

She blinked.

“You know I care,” I told her. One quick look in my mind and she’d see the honesty in those words.

“He’s not human, Teddy,” she said with care and patience. “He’s fae. He is as much a beast as I am. We are ruled by our instincts. If you care for him, you must value him as he is and not try to squeeze him into this tiny human box, where he cannot fit.”

I sat up and brought my knees to my chest, where I twined my arms around them. Held myself together when so much wanted to spill out.

Brenton watched me, his eyes kind but careful, without the tiniest bit of humor. I wasn’t sure why I allowed him to stay when I knew I’d turn Everly and George away. But something was different about Brenton. It wasn’t just his easy manner; something inside him made me feel comfortable.

“I am human, though,” I said aloud so Brenton could hear at least my part of the conversation.

“I’m not trying to contain him in some tiny human box or anything, but my human emotions are just as valid as his fae instincts.

If we are to work, there must be some sort of compromise or understanding.

I won’t change simply to meet his needs if he isn’t willing to do the same for me. ”

“You are saying you still want him.” Not a question.

Yes, I wanted him. To be with him, talk to him, laugh with him. I wanted to touch him, kiss him, hold him. But I wanted it on equal terms, where my feelings, my sense of right and wrong, weren’t dampened by him.

And I wanted him to want me, not because of some manipulation of fate, but because he wanted me. Every part of me, without shutting me up or shutting me out.

“Last night, you sounded afraid when you said he couldn’t subdue his instincts, but now you’re saying he’s ruled by instinct.” I scrunched up my nose when a snowflake landed on it. “I don’t understand.”

He’d cried when he told me about that first night. Was it tears for what he’d done? For what he’d hidden from me? Or from fear of losing me again?

But he couldn’t really lose what he’d never had, and he couldn’t have had me with all the secrets that separated us .

A plume of white smoke breathed from her nose, and when she stayed silent, Brenton spoke up.

“Just as every living creature has, fae have base instincts. Those instincts are what guided him to tear through the veil to get to you when you were in danger. They’re the driving force to hunt and harvest food.

Every night, he depletes what’s left of his magic so that your home stays warm.

So that you have running water and don’t have to trouble yourself to find wood for your fireplace.

So that your walk to the store isn’t difficult, but safe.

Everything he does is for you. His mate.

To make sure you are taken care of and protected.

Those same instincts would allow him to lay down his life for you.

” He stopped and looked at me in question.

When I nodded, it was Nalari who continued. “I suspect it was your instincts that drove you out of the store when Elias fell during the thunderbird attack. Did he tell you he died that day?” She didn’t pause to allow me to answer, not that I could’ve with the way my throat closed in on itself.

Died. He’d died, but he’d seemed fine after. Playful and affectionate.

He’d died, though, and hadn’t told me.

“My instincts guided me to send him more of my magic than I’ve ever shared with anyone.

As his Guardian, it is my duty to protect him, but by law, we are not to share as much magic as I gave him, but Elias is more than my ward.

Seeing him dead on the ground. . .” Another puff of smoke.

“It wouldn’t have been enough to keep him alive if you hadn’t gone out there and demanded he not die.

His instincts told him to breathe because his mate asked it of him.

These are the instincts that guide him. He will fight and kill anything that poses a threat to you, and he’ll do it without remorse.

He will remove anything that harms you in any way, including himself. ”

They both stayed quiet long enough that I wasn’t sure if either would continue, but I wanted them to keep telling me about Elias.

“Every fae is born with that base and then our more primal instincts,” Brenton explained after a quick nod to Nalari, who I assumed was talking in his head too, despite her not being his Guardian.

“Yes, I am a dragon. I can speak to whomever I wish,” Nalari said to me.

Right.

“We are taught to subdue our primal instincts, but it’s not that easy to accomplish because it feels so natural when we slip into them.

These instincts arise in desperate times of need—mainly when our lives are on the line.

When Elias had his uncle enchant you so that you would reject and forget him, the pain he carried was immense.

It would’ve broken most. But before he left you that night, he promised you he’d take care of you.

” He paused, his eyes searching my face.

“It gave him purpose. Something to live for. It tormented him to be so close to you when he believed he didn’t stand a chance with you. ”

“Until you started showing signs that you also cared for him. You gave him hope.” Nalari’s snarl came out low but vicious. “You liked him back despite the bond being broken, and you gave him hope, only to splinter it and him in half.”

I placed a trembling hand on my throat and forced myself to my feet when Nalari stepped toward me.

“You keep asking if he is okay, and I cannot answer that,” she snarled again, this time baring her teeth at me. “His primal instincts have taken over because his very life is in danger. He will lose himself to the madness if he doesn’t rein it back in. ”

I stood my ground and stared down the giant dragon who could swallow me whole if she wanted.

“What do you want from me, Nalari?” I asked, my shoulders squared and ready to take on her fire if she wished to fry me. “He made it so easy for me to fall for him, but he didn’t tell me everything.”

“And you’ve told him everything?”

“Of course not,” I growled up at her, baring my own teeth.

“But I haven’t hidden important truths from him either.

You say he did it to protect me, but I think he did it to protect himself from me.

The stupid, hysterical human who fell so willingly for his charm and kindness.

Who wanted so badly to see the goodness in him.

He had no right to enchant me, to take my memories from me. ”

“You have no idea what it cost him.” She strained her neck skyward, and with a few flaps of her enormous wings, she was airborne.

“What about what it cost me?” I yelled after her. “Or do my feelings not matter?”

“You matter more than you should,” she hissed. “He hurt and scared you that night, so he removed himself from your life in order for you to live peacefully. He protected you the only way he knew how.”

Round and round we went, fighting the same fight.

“That’s the problem, isn’t it?” I said low, watching her fly away.

“He cares for me so much that he left. He didn’t try to talk to me once I’d calmed down.

I would’ve listened. I remember that pull he had over me, how I felt like I could trust him.

I would’ve listened. He didn’t trust our bond or me enough to fight for us. ”

The connection between Nalari and me sizzled as she mulled over my words. “He didn’t fight for you, I’ll give you that. What about you? Will you fight for him?”

Before I could reply, a heavy weight slammed against my mind, like a door slamming in place. When I tried to reach her, I found nothing.

After everything I’d said, she shut me out just as easily as he had.