Page 48

M cColl

Something pulls me from the depths of sleep. My skin prickles with awareness. I open my eyes, seeing morning light stream through the gap in the drapes, casting golden bars across the bed where Kian and I lie tangled together, our naked bodies still intertwined.

I look over at the foot of my bed and gasp.

My mother is standing there, her dark eyes taking in every detail of our compromising position. Her disapproving gaze roves over us both. I look down, and thankfully, we are covered, although our bare shoulders are visible above the rumpled sheets. Kian’s arm is wrapped around my waist.

The room smells of sex. Of us. Of everything we did to each other through the long hours of the night.

Heat floods my face as I sit up quickly, clutching the covers to my breasts. My heart pounds so hard I’m sure she can hear it.

“Mother!” I gasp, my voice still rough from sleep and the sounds I made beneath Kian’s touch. “What are you doing here? Is everything okay? Why are you—?”

Kian stirs beside me, his eyes opening as he registers my distress.

When he sees my mother, he immediately sits up, the sheet falling to his waist and exposing the broad expanse of his chest with its intricate royal marking.

To his credit, he doesn’t scramble for modesty; instead, he simply meets my mother's cold stare with steady composure, though I can feel the tension radiating from his body.

“Good morning.” She smiles, but it lacks all sincerity.

“I thought you should know,” she continues, her voice precisely controlled and giving nothing away, “that your grandmother is having another rare lucid moment. It’s quite miraculous that it’s happening again.

I thought you’d want to see her while she’s…

aware. I know how disappointed you were yesterday. ”

She’s right. I went to see my grandmother the previous day, and she was…she was barely there. She didn’t know who I was. She couldn’t speak, save for a few mumbled words that made no sense. It was a relief when she went back to sleep.

“You will need to hurry because she tires quickly,” my mother adds when I don’t respond quickly enough.

My embarrassment battles with concern and relief. Another chance to speak with my grandmother, to perhaps say the things I couldn’t yesterday.

“Of course. Thank you for coming to tell me. Could you give us a few minutes to get dressed?” I ask, acutely aware of how disheveled I must look.

Her eyes move to Kian once more, her expression unreadable but somehow managing to convey deep disapproval without saying a word.

“I’ll wait outside for you both,” she says, her tone making it clear that this is not a request. The way she looks at Kian in her cold, assessing way makes something protective flare in my chest.

The moment the door closes behind her, Kian and I spring into action. We dress quickly and in silence, the easy intimacy of moments before replaced by rushed efficiency. I splash water on my face and run my fingers through my tangled hair while Kian pulls on his clothes with sharp, jerky movements.

“I’m sorry about that,” I whisper as I button my dress. “She has terrible timing.”

“It’s fine,” he says, throwing me a half smile. “She isn’t my mother.”

I smile back. “Do you know what?”

“What?”

“I don’t care anymore what she thinks.” I feel so much lighter inside just saying it because it’s true.

Kian kisses me. It’s a quick brush of the lips. “Thank you for last night.”

“Thank you, back.” I sigh. “You don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”

“Your mother made it clear that she wants me there, too.”

“I suppose she did. Let’s go.”

Then we’re hurrying down to where the carriage waits, my mother already seated inside with perfect posture and a face like carved stone. The ride to her house is excruciating. She sits stiff and formal, radiating disapproval like heat from a forge, even though she doesn’t voice it directly.

“Do you still plan on departing today?” she asks Kian, her tone politely conversational but with an edge that could cut glass.

“I’ll finish packing as soon as we return, and since I don’t have much, it won’t take me long,” Kian replies carefully.

This seems to placate her somewhat; her shoulders relax by the smallest margin, and she gives a satisfied nod. “Of course. I’m sure your fellow kings are eager for your return. I will ensure that you have safe passage and that the defensive spells and wards are still set up to accommodate you.”

“That would be wonderful…thank you.”

We arrive at my mother’s house soon after and go inside.

“There’s tea in the sitting room if you’d like some,” she tells him. “Perhaps we can talk while McColl visits with her grandmother.”

I get the distinct impression that she is trying to separate us, although I can’t say why.

I know that Kian can look after himself.

So, I make my way to my grandmother’s room.

My heart is both hopeful and heavy. When I open the door, I find her sitting up in bed, her eyes clear and focused in a way they weren’t yesterday.

“McColl, my darling girl,” she says, her voice stronger than before. “I thought I had dreamed you up, but you’re real and truly here.”

“I am, Grandmother.”

“I’m so happy,” she says in a shaky voice that gives away her age. “Come here to me.” She holds out her arms.

We embrace, and I feel tears prick my eyes at having her back, even if it’s only temporary. “How are you feeling today, Grandmother?”

“Much better, thank you. How are things with you, sweetheart? Are you settling back into life with the coven?”

“Yes, thank you. Although it all seems so different. Actually, I don’t think that’s true. I think it’s me who has changed.”

“Life certainly has a way of doing that, does it not? It also has a way of going too quickly.”

“You’re right; it feels just like yesterday that I was a little girl.”

“It feels like yesterday for me, too, McColl. One or two blinks of an eye, and it’s over.” Her eyes go hazy in thought.

“Do you remember that toy bear you knitted for me?”

My grandmother’s expression grows confused.

“It was blue instead of the usual brown. I couldn’t have been more than two or three summers old. It was the cutest thing.”

“Oh! Yes…I remember now.” She smiles.

“I loved that silly bear. Took it with me everywhere. You had to repair him several times.”

She nods, still smiling.

“Eventually, all of its limbs fell off, and my mother threw it away while I was sleeping. I was distraught. I can’t, for the life of me, remember what his name was.”

She shakes her head, her eyes hazy. “I’m sorry, dear one. I don’t…I can’t…” She presses her fingers to her temples, her brow furrowing. “My mind feels so foggy sometimes. Like trying to see through thick soup.” She lies back down on her pillows.

“It’s alright,” I say quickly, taking her hand. “It doesn’t matter. I’m not even sure why I brought it up.”

The frustration in her eyes makes my heart ache. After a few moments, though, she seems to refocus, squeezing my hand with surprising strength.

“Tell me, how did things go with your handsome fae?” she asks, her eyes twinkling with curiosity. “Did you take my advice? Did you use him like I told you to? Not just for pleasure but to get your magic?”

I feel heat rise in my cheeks. “We spent two nights together,” I admit quietly.

“Did it work?”

“Yes…b—”

She mutters something garbled. Then something else.

I’m trying to make sense of what she is saying, but I also can’t get what she said before that out of my head.

The words hit me like a shock to the system.

I didn’t use Kian. I would never do such a thing.

We spoke about it and agreed it would be the best course of action.

An agreement and using someone are two very different things.

My grandmother is kind and sweet. I’m sure she didn’t mean it like it came out.

Her thoughts came out all wrong. That had to have been it.

She isn’t like that. She would hate for me to use another person, fae or witch – it wouldn’t matter to her. She’d hate it. She’d be angry with me.

What Kian and I shared was beautiful, meaningful, born of genuine desire and—

“Um…it—” I start to correct her, to explain that it wasn’t like that, but she seems to have drifted off to sleep mid-conversation. Her eyes flutter closed, and her breathing deepens.

“Grandmother?” I whisper, gently shaking her shoulder. “Grandmother, can you hear me?”

But she doesn’t respond. Whatever window of clarity had opened has closed again.

I sit there for a long while, holding her frail hand, my thoughts churning.

I’m torn between so many conflicting emotions and desires.

Part of me wants to stay here with my people, to help prepare them for the coming battle, to do good work within my coven.

Something tells me my grandmother doesn’t have much time left, and the thought of leaving her is almost unbearable.

But the thought of Kian leaving without me…

that’s agony, too. After spending these nights with him, after feeling what it’s like to be cherished and desired and seen for who I am, I don’t think I can just watch him leave.

The idea of going back to my old life, of pretending these feelings don’t exist, feels impossible.

Maybe I should talk to him about going with him. If he agrees, if he wants me to come, then I will. If he declines, then I’ll stay and do whatever good I can here, but I have to try.

One thing I know for certain: I never used Kian. I would never do such a thing. What she said sits wrong with me, like a stone in my stomach. Her mind must be more addled than I realized. She’s confused about what happened between us, about what it meant.

I lean down and kiss her forehead gently. “I love you, Grandmother,” I whisper. “I know you didn’t mean it. Rest well.”

I walk to the door, seeing that it is slightly ajar. I frown because I thought I closed it.

As I step out of the room, I nearly collide with a middle-aged woman in a crisp white apron.

“Oh! Excuse me,” she says, steadying herself.

“You must be McColl. I’m Beatrice, one of your grandmother’s carers.

” Her eyes light up with excitement. “The fae king—” She blushes slightly at the mention of him.

“He was…um…just here just a few moments ago; he told me that your grandmother was lucid and speaking clearly. I can hardly believe it! It’s been many moons since the dear lady could string even two coherent sentences together.

In fact, she hasn’t done more than mutter garbled nonsense for the longest time.

That’s if she talks at all. In truth, I thought she was fading away.

She must sense your presence. It’s truly a miracle, my lady. ”

The words hit me like cold water. Many moons? Garbled nonsense? “She’s been…worse than I realized?”

“Oh, yes. Much worse. Most days, she doesn’t even seem to know where she is. Your visit has brought her back to herself somehow.” Beatrice beams at me. “It’s wonderful to see.”

“Yes, it is. I will cherish this time with her.”

Beatrice nods. “Very wise words. She is fading fast. I don’t know how long she has left.”

My eyes sting.

“Oh, my lady, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“No, it’s fine. You’re right. It’s just hard to see. Thank you for taking such great care of her. Where is Kian?” I ask, looking around. “The fae king?”

“Oh, he left a short while ago,” Beatrice says cheerfully. “Something about needing to pack for his journey. He looked a little upset.”

My heart sinks. He left? Without me? That doesn’t make sense. Why would he leave without saying goodbye, without at least checking on me?

Unless…

My mother. She must have said something to him. Must have made it clear that his presence was no longer welcome, that he should go.

I need to get back to the house and right now.

“Thank you, Beatrice,” I say quickly. “Please take good care of her.”

“Of course, my lady. I always had a soft spot for your grandmother. She told me so much about you…I mean, before she got so bad. Her memory was as sharp as a whip. She couldn’t tell you what she had just eaten for breakfast, but could recall every little detail about the past. You were her favorite topic.

It was McColl this and McColl that. I thought you should know that. ”

“Thank you. It means so much.” I give Beatrice a quick hug. “I need to go.”

Then I hurry from the house, my mind racing as fast as my feet.

I can’t let Kian leave without telling him how I feel.