Page 30

M cColl

The small travel bag is almost full, but I stuff in a pair of woolen stockings, trying to ignore the ball of anxiety that’s been growing in my stomach since dawn.

We’re about to leave for the Regana Mountains.

My home. The place I’ve dreamed of returning to for three long years, and yet now that the moment is here, I feel more uncertain than ever.

Will I be welcomed back?

Was I missed?

I push the thoughts from my head. It doesn’t matter. It’s happening, whether I like it or not. Soon, all of my questions will be answered.

Next, I place the oilskin jacket Kyrie gave to me on top of my bag, ready to don when we leave. Lastly, I start to pack the food I prepared yesterday, double-checking that all is in order.

“You should pack some more dried meat,” Maya says softly from the rocking chair near the window, her voice subdued as she cradles Maxwell against her breast. “You never know. It might take you longer to reach your coven than expected. You said you’ll have to sleep on the mountain tonight and then travel through the pass tomorrow? ”

“That’s right.”

“You can’t predict the weather, or…anything else, for that matter. Rather take extra. It doesn’t weigh much.”

I look down at the strips of venison I was just wrapping in cloth. “You’re right.” I add extra to the pile before sealing the pack, placing it with the rest of the items. “I’m so nervous.” I touch a hand to my stomach, which is still churning. I could barely eat my breakfast this morning.

“Don’t be. The flight will be quick and easy, and I’m sure the path up the mountain is one you have made plenty of times.”

I nod. “It’s not just the trip.” Riding the dragon again. “It’s just that it’s been so long since I’ve been home. I don’t know what to expect.”

Maya’s expression softens with understanding. “Three years is a long time.” She adjusts Maxwell slightly, and he makes a small, contented sound. “It’ll all be fine, you’ll see. I’m sure your family and friends have missed you. That they will welcome you back with open arms.”

I hope so. I hope it so hard it hurts.

“You’re right. I’m just being silly. I’m worried about Kian, too. He’s still insisting on meeting the coven. He keeps telling me how I will smooth the way for him, but I don’t have that kind of sway with my people. He won’t listen. I am going to do my best to talk him out of it.”

Maya laughs softly. “Good luck with that. These men are stubborn…the lot of them. When they get an idea in their heads, it’s close to impossible to talk them out of it.”

I roll my eyes. “Don’t I know it.”

Maxwell makes a soft mewling sound, and Maya shifts him to her shoulder, gently patting his back.

“There,” Maya murmurs as Maxwell lets out a tiny burp. “That’s much better, my little boy.” He starts to fuss again. “Still hungry?” She settles him back against her breast, and I watch, fascinated, as he immediately latches on again, his tiny fists curled against Maya’s skin.

“He’s so small,” I say, moving closer to get a better look at his perfect little face. “But he seems so…aware.”

Maya beams. “Orion says the same thing. Claims Maxwell already knows his own name.” She strokes his downy hair with one finger. “He’s already talking of finding a pony small enough for him.” She laughs softly.

I smile as I stare at the baby’s tiny features.

At the way his dark lashes fan against his cheeks, the perfect curve of his miniature nose, the way his little mouth works steadily as he feeds.

His little pointy ears are cute, too. There’s something so peaceful about watching him… watching them. Mother and child.

A strange feeling stirs in my chest, something I’ve never experienced before.

Longing, maybe? The thought catches me off guard.

I’ve never particularly wanted children.

Growing up with my mother’s coldness, I’ve always worried I might turn out the same way.

That I might end up being distant, critical, unable to give a child the love they deserve.

But looking at Maxwell now, imagining what it might be like to hold my own baby, to feel that fierce protective love Maya radiates…I think I was wrong. I think I would like to be a mother someday.

My mind, unbidden, conjures an image of a child with Kian’s golden hair and pointed ears but with my eyes, perhaps, and I have to physically shake my head to dispel the thought.

Even if we were compatible – which we’re not – bringing a child into this world with Snow’s evil spreading like poison through the realm would be cruel. No child deserves to grow up under her shadow of fear and death.

I feel disappointment for all that could have been between Kian and me.

“Would you like to hold him?” Maya asks, noticing my fascination. “I need to fetch something from the chest, and he seems quite content at the moment.”

“Are you sure? I don’t have much experience with babies. The last time I tended a baby was when I was fourteen summers old. It feels like a whole lifetime ago.”

“You’ll be just fine.” Maya smiles, carefully transferring Maxwell to my arms. “All you have to do is support his head.” I do as she says. “That’s it. Perfect. I’ll be right back.”

The weight of him is surprisingly substantial for someone so small, and the warmth of his little body against my chest is immediately comforting. His eyes are open, a deep blue that Maya says might change as he grows. He stares up at me with that same intense awareness I’d noticed before.

“Hello, little one,” I whisper, adjusting my hold until he’s settled comfortably in the crook of my arm. “Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.”

Maxwell makes a soft cooing sound, as if he’s trying to respond, and one of his tiny hands escapes from the blanket to wave aimlessly in the air. I offer him my finger, and his grip closes around it with surprising strength.

“You’re going to be strong like your father,” I tell him softly. “And kind like your mother. You’re so lucky to have them, Maxwell. They love you more than anything in this world.”

He blinks slowly, those blue eyes never leaving my face.

“He likes you,” Maya says, returning with something clutched in her hands. She puts it in the pocket of her apron. “Look how calm he is.”

I glance down at Maxwell, who does indeed seem content in my arms. “He’s wonderful, Maya. You and Orion must be so proud.”

“We are.” She settles back into her chair, and I reluctantly transfer Maxwell back to his mother, where he belongs.

He immediately begins rooting around, making hungry sounds.

“This boy takes after his father with his appetite.” Maya laughs, adjusting her bodice to feed him again.

“I swear he would eat all day if I let him.”

“He’s a growing boy.”

“He is, indeed.”

Once the little one is settled and nursing, Maya reaches into the pocket of her apron and pulls out a small velvet pouch, offering it to me.

“What is this?” I ask, taking the soft pouch with curiosity.

“Open it and find out.”

I untie the drawstring and gasp as a beautiful gold necklace spills into my palm. The chain is delicate but well-made. Hanging from it is a pendant with a stone I don’t recognize.

“It’s so beautiful,” I whisper, looking at the deep blue shot through with veins of silver that seem to shimmer in the light. “I can’t accept this.” I shake my head, looking into Maya’s blue eyes that are the exact same shade as her son’s.

“You can and you will. You saved my life. More importantly, you saved Maxwell’s life. There aren’t words for that kind of gratitude. You need to know that I have come to see you as a friend, McColl.”

My throat tightens with emotion as I study the pendant more closely. The craftsmanship is exquisite, clearly made by someone with considerable skill.

“The stone is a starlight crystal. They’re rare,” Maya explains.

“My grandmother always said it offers protection to the wearer, keeps them safe on long journeys. I can’t think of anyone who needs that more than you right now.

Kian, perhaps, but he wouldn’t accept a pretty trinket like that.

” She laughs softly. “Orion went into town especially to trade for the necklace. It is a gift from the two of us to you.”

“Thank you,” I whisper, my voice thick. “This means more to me than you know. Your friendship, too.”

“You’re always welcome in our home, McColl. Always. No matter what happens, you have a place here.” Maya’s expression is sincere, warm in a way that makes my chest ache. “As far as Orion and I are concerned, you’re family now.”

The word “family” hits me unexpectedly hard. When was the last time someone made me feel like I belonged somewhere, like I was wanted just for being myself?

With slightly trembling fingers, I fasten the necklace around my throat. The crystal settles just below my collarbone, and I can feel its weight, not heavy but present.

“It’s perfect,” I say, touching the pendant gently. “I know this is going to sound crazy, but I missed the weight of the amulet, even though the thing was pure evil.”

Maya laughs. “I had noticed your hand going to your throat every so often, looking for something that wasn’t there.”

Then she reaches into her apron again and withdraws a second, larger pouch. This one is leather and clearly filled with something that rustles when she moves it.

“And this? You can’t give me anything else.” I shake my head. “I can’t accept it because it’s too much.” I try to give it back to her, but she shakes her head.

“I insist.” She smiles. “This one is more practical and far less pretty.”

I untie this pouch and peer inside. It’s filled with what looks like crushed leaves and bark. The scent that wafts up is bitter and earthy, with an underlying note that is familiar.

“It’s blackbark tea,” Maya says, and there’s something in her tone that makes me look up sharply.

“Blackbark?” I frown, racking my brain. We studied various herbs at school. I have taken blackbark before. “It prevents the quickening of the womb with new life.”