Page 184

I shake my head.

I can’t answer them. I can’t even bring myself to look at him and Charles.

Their sister almost lost her life because of me.

Against all odds, she saved us last night in the Hudson. She held onto me, a dead weight because I’d already passed out from blood loss and somehow found herself a buoy and swam to the nearby Chelsea pier in waters so cold, even a healthy person would’ve had difficulties navigating it.

I was told Elias’s men found us first, and she collapsed in front of them. The cops came minutes later with her brothers.

They said her lips were turning blue and her skin was just a shade above white.

Exhaustion. Overexertion. Near drowning.

Trey and Dayton were caught as they tried to escape the Delfina. Wisely, they’re keeping their mouths shut about The Association, because snitches in the past have ended up dead behind bars. But between the findings from my investigation and the proof Alexis says she has, the duo will be locked up for a long time.

But the victory is hollow.

“Come on, let’s give them some privacy.” Lana presses a kiss on my cheek, then beckons the others out of the room. “I love you, Ethan. I’m so glad you guysare okay.”

“She’s fine,” Taylor murmurs as she passes by me.

“I’m here if you need to chat. Don’t overthink this.” That’s Olivia, using her psychiatrist’s voice. She knows the guilt eating me up inside.

“Those fucking bastards,” Charles seethes, his lips snarling.

“Elias and I will handle The Association.” Liam’s voice is thick as he grips my shoulder. “Thank you for taking one for her.” He looks at my bandaged abs.

“I’d do it all over again.”Without hesitation.

Liam’s eyes glisten and he pulls me in for a hug before filtering out of the room with the others.

Blowing out a heavy exhale, I walk to her bedside and sit down.

Quietly, I take her hand in mine and close my eyes.

The same sterile smell burns my nostrils.

The samebeep…beep…beepof the machines echoes in the room.

The same chill of the AC brushes against our skin.

My hands shake and cold sweat beads on my forehead. I feel sick to my stomach.

“I can’t do this, Nova,” I whisper, my voice raw. “I almost lost you ten years ago, and it tore me apart. I spentyearsblaming myself because I didn’t go to you that day. Because I didn’t teach you how to swim.”

Pressing a kiss on the back of her hand, I continue, “And now, a decade later, I got you back. It’s a m-miracle.” My heart twists in my chest. “Even though you don’t remember us. I got a second chance with you. But then, this happened, and I almost lost you again. You risked your life for me… You shouldn’t have done that.”

Guilt presses heavily on my lungs and I strain my next inhale. “If you died by saving me, how could I go on living?”

The Anderson men aren’t lucky in love.

The phrase reverberates in my mind.

My heart ripped open all those years ago, the wound nearly terminal when she was in a coma. When she woke up, she painstakingly mended me, and for a few months, I thought I might recover. I may have a scar,or I might need a pacemaker for the rest of my life, but I’ll have a lifetime with her.

But now, seeing her once again sleeping in a hospital bed, this time because of me—a serrated knife severs the old wound wide open, and fear strangles my heart, squeezing the blood from it.

I’m too damaged.