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"I don't care if they do or they don't," I said, but in my secret, putaway heart, I was crying. Why

did Momma want me to go to school in a place filled with blue bloods who walked with their noses so high, you couldn't see their eyes? None of them, except Jennifer, would want to invite me to their homes, I thought. Why was I being punished for the things Momma did? Would people always blame me? I shuddered to think of what these girls would do if they knew the truth about my birth.

I wanted to be back home in Boston more than ever and going to my old school, where my real friends would feel sorry for me instead of think me a leper. Now, at a time in my life when I needed friends more than ever, I was thrown in with these spoiled, wealthy girls. I wanted to run away. I even thought about how I would do it. I would go to live with Daddy, even though he was always traveling. Anything would be better than this.

Jennifer was very sweet though and made every effort to cheer me up. We worked diligently on our school assignments, but spent a lot of time talking about fashion and music and boys. Like me, she had never really had a boyfriend, but there was a boy she liked who attended Allandale, an all-boys prep school that occasionally had dances with Winterhaven.

Recreation hour was well underway when we left our room to go watch television, but when we arrived, we didn't find any of the girls from our table, or what Marie had called "the special club."

"They're all in her room, having their party. You should go. 1 don't mean to spoil anything for you, Jennifer," I said.

"I don't want to go, not if you're not invited," she replied. "Besides, they're being horrible. I'm surprised at them, not that they've always been that nice to me."

"I hate hypocrites," I declared and something proud sprung into my spine. Jennifer saw the flames of anger in. my face.

"What?" she asked, holding her breath.

"Let's go," I commanded and marched out of the recreation room.

"Where?" Jennifer called, following.

"To Marie's room," I snapped, not pausing a step.

"But . . . -So embarrassing. Shouldn't we just ignore them? I mean . ."

"Jennifer Longstone, I'm tired of ignoring things that make me unhappy. If I am going to attend this school, I am going to be accepted for who and what I am, and none of these snooty girls are going to make me suffer."

"Lead the way," Jennifer said. "It's the last room on the right down the corridor."

We tramped forward. Aggressively, no longer willing to play humble and helpless, a victim of this or that, I held my head high and proud as we approached Marie's door. We could hear the music, "Rock Around the Clock." I pounded on the door. The phonograph was lowered and there was some whispering. Then Marie opened her door.

"Just thought I'd come by and help you study for your science test," I said. I walked past her. The moment I came through the door a deadly quiet descended, while the cigarettes burned. The room was full of smoke. Ellen and Wendy were sitting on the floor drinking Cokes, and Carla, Toby and Betsy were on the beds with fashion and fan magazines. For a moment, no one said anything. Then I spun on Marie.

"I'm sorry for how you all feel about my parents getting a divorce, but it's stupid for you to blame it on me and to make Jennifer suffer, too, just because she's my roommate. I had hoped we could all start out as friends. I'm sure no one here is perfect or has a perfect past," I stated with fire.

"Anyway, I just wanted you all to know you didn't fool anyone. Come on, Jennifer."

"Wait," Marie said. She glanced quickly at the other girls. "You're right. It wasn't a nice thing to do."

I looked at the other girls. All of them lowered their eyes. "Anyway, you're here; you might as well stay," Marie said, flashing a smile.

"Well, I . ."

"Please," Marie said. "Want a cigarette?"

"I never have," I said staring at them.

"Good a time as any to start," Marie said. "Quick, Jen, close the door before old Thorndyke comes by. Ellen, put the record back on," she commanded.

"Welcome to our special club," Marie said. "Anyway, with your temper, I'd rather have you on our side. Right, girls?" Everyone laughed. I looked at Jennifer. She was smiling widely, too.

We remained until nearly eleven, talking about school and about music and movies. No one dared ask me any questions about my parents, although Betsy Edwards remembered now that she and her family had once taken a cruise on a VanVoreen ship. I told them about my trip to Jamaica and then we all snuck back to our own rooms.

Jennifer and I lay in bed talking until after twelve. She told me about the day her father died and how empty and alone she had felt. It sounded a lot like I felt the day I learned my parents would divorce. Finally, I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. "I've got to go to sleep, Jen."

"That's all right. I'm tired, too."

"Good night, Jennifer."