Page 91

Troy continued to improve and was a great deal better the following day. I accompanied Tony one more time to visit him before I began my schooling at Winterhaven. Momma was true to all her vows. Beauty had become her religion; she worshipped her own image in the mirror and she proceeded with a new frenzy to win back the vitality she claimed she had lost on her honeymoon. Not only did she refuse to go to the hospital, but she began to rise later and later every morning, and then she spent hours at her vanity table before descending the stairs to have breakfast and meet people.

I saw that Tony grew more and more upset about her, charging up the stairs in the morning to get her to come down and join us for breakfast, and then returning, his face long, his eyes drooping with defeat. Then, the night before I was to begin my session at Winterhaven, I heard them have their first spat. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I was on my way to speak to Momma about the wardrobe I was to take to school. It was a little after nine o'clock in the evening, but Momma had already gone up to her suite to rest and read one of her romance novels, something she was doing more and more of lately. I had just entered the sitting room when I heard Tony say, "We might as well not be married." I froze in my steps. He wasn't yelling so much as he was pleading.

"I won't have you threaten my health with your lust," Momma replied.

"But Tinian, making love doesn't diminish your health. If anything, you should feel more complete, more fulfilled as a woman."

"Oh poo. That's something only a man would dream of saying. Honestly, Tony, you're behaving like a schoolboy who has just discovered sex. I'm disappointed in your lack of self-control."

"Lack of self control!" Tony thund

ered. "You were too tired midway into our honeymoon, and every day after that you found one excuse or another, and now we've been home three nights, and you still haven't the strength to make love and I'm accused of a lack of self-control?"

"Lower your voice, please. Do you want the servants to hear this?" Momma hissed. "I told you," she said in a softer tone, "I just need a little more time. Please, Tony, please be understanding. Sleep in your own room tonight again. Maybe tomorrow . ."

"I fear that tomorrow you'll have another excuse," he said in a tone of defeat. "I don't know what you're saving it for," he suddenly snapped. "Or do you expect to have another, even younger husband some day?"

Before I could turn to leave, he came storming out of Momma's bedroom. He stopped when he saw me standing there, my eyes big. His face softened some, but he said nothing. He simply continued to leave. I waited a few minutes and then went in to discuss my wardrobe with Momma, pretending I hadn't heard anything.

"Remember your promise to me, Leigh," she said before I left. "You'll come home as much as you can and spend as much time with Tony as you can. I need help, at least during these early days of my new marriage."

"But Momma, he won't want to spend his time with me. He married you; he'll want to be with you."

"He just needs companionship. You'll see. Oh dear," she said gazing at herself in the mirror. "All this tension has put bags under my eyes."

I saw no bags.

"I must get a good night's rest. Sleep well, dear, and have a good first day at your new school."

"But aren't you coming along, too?" My heart began to race with fear.

"Please, Leigh. You don't need me. Tony's taking care of everything, just as he promised. He'll take you and talk to the headmistress and see that you're comfortable and secure. Then he's going off to his offices. It will work out fine."

"But . . ."

"I must get some rest." She snapped off her reading light. "Good night, Leigh."

I swung my eyes away quickly, disgusted, angry--angrier than Tony perhaps. I knew why she didn't want to come along. She didn't want the world to know she had a daughter as old as I was. She wanted to continue this charade of youth. She was so determined I would be like a sister to her that in her mind I was her sister, not her daughter. She wouldn't do the things other mothers did; not if she could help it. At this moment I despised her, despised her for everything--for the pain and suffering she brought to Daddy and to me with the divorce, for being so selfcentered, and for lying to me all these years. I was so angry, I couldn't fall asleep for the longest time.

When I opened my eyes, I found Tony standing at my bedside staring down at me, smiling. He looked as if he had been standing there for quite a while. I had tossed and turned throughout the night, and my blanket was wrapped around my waist. My nightgown hung low, nearly exposing my breasts to his view.

"Good morning," he said. "Didn't mean to startle you, but I could tell you hadn't risen yet, and we have to keep to a schedule this morning. I want to start in about an hour, okay?"

I nodded quickly, pulling the blanket to my chin.

"I'll have Miles come up and get your bags in twenty minutes. See you at breakfast," he added and left.

I rose quickly, showered and dressed. On my way down to breakfast, I saw that Momma's doors were still shut tight. I didn't bother to go in to say goodbye.

eleven WINTERHAVEN

. It was a very clear morning when we set out for Boston and my new school, but the soft blue sky was deceptive because when I stepped out of the mansion, the air was so cold, I felt as if I had stepped into a refrigerator. The bright sunlight reflecting off the hard-packed snow made me squint. Tony laughed at my grimace and gave me his sunglasses.

"Here. Put these on. I have another pair in the limo," he said.

"But these are a man's sunglasses."

"No, I got them in Europe. They're unisex, and very expensive, I might add. Your mother bought two pairs, although I don't know when she will use them. She hasn't been out of the house since our return," he muttered and gestured for me to get into the car ahead of him. There was a Wall Street Journal and a thick folder of papers on the seat. "I usually read and work on my way into town," he explained. "But I'll put all that aside today since I have such pretty company."