Page 29

There was that expression again: "come by."

I nodded quickly. When the ship was finally docked and people were permitted to disembark, I turned to Daddy. He just closed his eyes and opened them and then nodded.

"Go on," he said softly. "I'll be all right."

"Daddy." My throat closed up. He nodded again toward the door. I saw that he was doing all he could to keep himself together, too. He kissed me quickly on the cheek. I started to reach for him, but he pulled back and then I charged out the door and down to the deck.

It was a partly cloudy morning, but to me it was dismal and gray. The sea breeze felt like a snowman's breath against my cheeks, making the warm tears cold instantly. I closed my coat around-Myself and started for the gangplank when I felt someone pull my arm.

It was Clara Spenser and her sister Melanie. Their parents were right behind them and they were all so close to each other, their mother resting her hand on Clara's shoulder and their father resting his hand on Melanie's. It was like a family portrait with a caption underneath that read, THE HAPPY FAMILY.

"Goodbye, Leigh," Clara said. "We'll write to you."

"Bye. I'll write back," I called ad started away. I wanted to run away from them.

"Leigh!" Clara yelled. "It was fun, but isn't it wonderful to be home again?"

I just waved and hurried on to the car as fast as I could. My bags had already been loaded.

"Is my mother all right?" I asked. Perhaps she was so upset over what she had done, she was sick in bed at home, I thought, hopefully.

"Oh, yes. She called me this morning and sounded fine. You were lucky to be away; it's been so cold here this past week. Did you have a nice time?" he asked when I didn't reply.

"Yes," I said and turned to look back as we drove off. I could see Daddy on the bridge talking with Captain Willshaw, but he stopped in the middle of his conversation and looked my way. I waved from the window. He lifted his hand slowly and held it up like a flag of surrender and defeat.

Clarence came out to greet me and fetch my luggage as soon as we drove up, but Momma was nowhere to be seen. I rushed into the house and called for her, demanded her.

"MOMMA! MOMMA! WHERE ARE YOU?"

Clarence came up behind me with my bags.

"Mrs. VanVoreen went for a ride to the seashore this morning," he said. "She has not yet returned."

"What? The seashore? But . . . didn't she know I would be back this morning?" I shot out. Clarence looked overwhelmed by the ferocity with which I demanded answers to my questions.

"I'll just bring your luggage to your room, Miss Leigh." He started up the staircase. Confused, I just stood there for a few moments. My gaze fell on the doorway to Daddy's office. He won't be using it anymore, I thought, my throat aching. What would Momma do now--just close it up? I knew how much she hated that room the way it was.

But for me it suddenly became as precious as a church. I stepped into it and gazed at Daddy's things. I inhaled the scents--the aroma of his tobacco still lingered, as did the smell of the driftwood and the old furniture and carpet. Even though much of it was worn and faded, it was beautiful to me because it was Daddy.

In my mind I could see him crouched over his desk, the thin column of smoke rising from the bowl of his carved pipe, the first pipe his father had given him. On the front right corner of his desk was a model of The Jillian. He had been so proud of it, so proud of naming it after Momma. The rest of his desk looked as cluttered and as disorganized as ever, but now the sight of it heartened me, because it meant he would have to come back soon to get his important papers.

I walked out slowly and slowly went up the stairs. Clarence was coming down. He seemed very anxious to get away from me.

"Everything's in your room, Miss Leigh."

"Thank you, Clarence. Oh Clarence," I called after he had gone past me.

"Yes?"

"Didn't my mother leave any word as to when she would return?"

"Thank you, Clarence." I continued upstairs and went into my room.

How different my world looked to roe now. I had been so anxious to hurry home, to get back to my own, precious room and sleep in my own bed, cuddling the stuffed animals given to me over the years. I had looked forward to calling my friends and finding out all the news I had missed while I was on the cruise. I had wanted to tell them about Fulton and Raymond; and the shows and the dances and being kissed by one boy and exchanging addresses with both. but none of that mattered now; none of that was important anymore.

I felt like someone who had been hypnotized. Mechanically, I unpacked, sifting through my clothing and separating those things that had to be cleaned and washed from those that didn't. Then I sat on ray bed like one in a daze. Finally, out of curiosity and boredom, I got up and went into Momma's suite.

She had still not returned. There was nothing different about her bedroom. Her long vanity table was still cluttered with her creams and makeup, her brushes and combs.