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"You're not going to start all that again, are you, Leigh?" she said, pursing her lips in a pout. "I really can't stand it. I don't know how I'm still going on the little sleep and rest I've had since I left Switzerland. I've forced myself to be full of energy just for you and for Tony, but I'm tired now and I'm going up."

"Momma."

"Good night Leigh. I hope you enjoy your watch." She left me sitting there, surrounded by all the opened boxes and packages. I stuffed my new watch back into its box. Who cared about it? What did precious and expensive things mean now? Did she think gold, silver and diamonds made everything right, no matter what?

I felt so frustrated, resembling a poor dumb person unable to get her thoughts and feelings out, her screams trapped in her own ears, all the doorways leading from her mind shut tight. I might as well be invisible, I thought. Momma won't look at me, won't listen t

o me, won't see the truth. She was blinded by the glitter and the glamour of her own life.

Afterward, it was always the same whenever I tried to bring up the terrible thing that had happened to me. She wouldn't listen, or she would skip right on to another topic. Finally, I gave up. Most of the time, I went off alone to walk the beach or go horseback riding. The ocean air, the sound of the sea and the wonderfully hypnotic and meditative sight of the waves coming in and going out soothed and calmed me. I read, wrote in this diary, listened to my records and spent time with Troy.

Jennifer called a number of times, but I didn't call her, nor did I call Joshua. He had called late in June to tell me he was going on a vacation with his family anyway and would be away for nearly a month. He had hoped to see me before he left, but I just couldn't see him. If he looked in my face he would see all that had happened, and hate me for it, I just knew it. I found solace and comfort in my solitude. Nature proved to be the mother and the father I no longer had, soothing my bruises, stroking me with her warm breezes and filling me with a sense of security I couldn't get back in the big house with its dark corners and giant rooms.

Whenever I went for walks with Troy, I would follow behind him and listen to his childish babble, not really hearing his words so much as his innocent, happy voice. Those little rhythms were melodious and delightful. I loved to sit with him and look out at the ocean and answer his questions while I stroked his soft hair. In a way I wanted to be back in his world, a child's world, the world of dolls and toys and candy canes, a world without hard truths and ugly realities. All the bogeymen could be chased away with a warm embrace, a soft, reassuring kiss, a promise for tomorrow.

Momma submerged herself in her social life again, attending her afternoon bridge parties, going to shows and shopping in Boston, hosting dinners for wealthy acquaintances and attending their dinners. She tried on a number of occasions to get me to join her and Tony when they went to a dinner at some rich estate. She claimed she wanted me to meet the sons and daughters of the upper classes, but declined every time.

Tony kept his distance, barely talking to me, even avoiding looking at me, especially when he was with my mother. If I were alone and I saw him in the house, I would go the other way. Thankfully, the house was so large, it was possible to get lost in it whenever I wanted to. And I could wander the grounds, stay at the outdoor pool, go for a horseback ride and stay away all afternoon, or take one of my beach walks and avoid any contact with him.

Then, at the start of the third week in July, he announced he was going to Europe for a quick business trip. Momma gave him a list of boutiques to go to and things to get her. He remarked that he would look for something special for me, too, but I didn't reply.

A few days later, Daddy called from Houston, Texas. He was on his way back to the East Coast and wanted to make arrangements to see me. I had been writing him continually, trying to get him to call or write me back, but he hadn't responded until now.

"I was on the move a great deal, Princess," he explained. "All your letters are probably one day behind me. Is everything all right?"

"No, Daddy. I've got to see you," I said desperately. He was silent on the other end for a moment.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I can't talk about it over the phone, but I need to talk to you. I really do," I emphasized.

"Your mother can't help you?"

"She . . . no. . .she can't help me," I replied. My voice was dry, unemotional, deadly honest.

"All right. I'll call you as soon as I get to Boston and we'll all meet for dinner. I'm due there the day after tomorrow."

"Daddy, try to meet me by yourself," I pleaded.

"Leigh, I'm married now and Mildred is a part of everything! do. She likes it that way. She gets very upset if I exclude her from anything, and she wants so much to get to know you. Won't you forget that we married so quickly and give her a chance?" he begged.

"It's not that this time, Daddy. I . . . have some very personal things to discuss."

"Mildred is part of my personal life, Leigh," he insisted. Once again, Daddy was clay in the hands of a woman, I thought.

"All right, Daddy. Call me as soon as you arrive," I said. I had no choice and no one else to turn to.

"Right. See you soon, Princess," he said and hung up.

Knowing that Daddy was coming the day after tomorrow buoyed me. Surely, after I told him what had happened to me, he would demand that I remain with him. He wouldn't even permit me to return to Farthy that night and he would tell my mother that he was willing to go to any lengths now to win me away from her legally. I didn't know how much better my life would be, but at least I would be away from Farthy and Tony.

I was cheerful and energetic for the first time since Tony had forced himself on me. I did laps in the pool, went for a fast horseback ride, and took Troy for a long beach walk, collecting seashells. I had the best appetite I had had in weeks, asking for seconds and eating dessert. Momma noticed a change, but I didn't tell her about Daddy's impending arrival.

I woke up early on the morning of Daddy's arrival in Boston. I thought I would have Miles drive me into the city the moment Daddy phoned. I had already dressed, eaten breakfast, and taken a short walk with Troy by the time lr y mother came down. In the afternoon, she was having some friends over for bridge and I knew that meant she would spend hours preparing herself.

Just before lunch, Curtis called me to the phone. I was standing outside with Troy, watching the gardeners work. "Is it my father?" I asked eagerly.

"He simply said he was calling for Mr. VanVoreen," Curtis replied in his usual nondescript manner of speaking. I hurried into the house and to the nearest phone, which was in the living room.