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“That’s what makes you a good crew member. Excellent job today. I’m proud of you for listening to me when I told you to go into my quarters.”

“Thanks, Captain, but …”

“What?”

“I can’t help but notice that the creature didn’t attack me until I followed your orders, so sometimes isn’t it a good thing that I disobey?”

I have to turn my laughter into an exasperated sigh. “Adults have to make tough decisions. Sometimes they’re wrong decisions, but we still have far more life experience than you, so you should listen.”

“All right.” She looks sadly down at the ground.

“Go make yourself useful. There’s lots of cleaning to be done.”

“Aye-aye.”

She leaves, and I write up a hasty report to Alosa before attaching it to the leg of a yano bird. As I move to exit the room, I find Kearan standing on the other side of my door.

“Kearan—” I start, prepared to tell him how I am in no mood for his antics today, but one look at his face has me slamming my mouth closed.

His eyes are red and swollen. He holds his body too still.

He looks … distraught. No, more than that. He looks broken.

What happened to the focus and ruthlessness he showed in battle just moments before?

“Captain, I need a moment alone, and I wondered if perhaps …”

I step aside to let him into the room, then exit and close the door, thoroughly thrown off-balance by his change in demeanor.

Did I miss something? Or did he just find out who we lost during the battle? I know he said he liked Rorun and Lerick, which is plenty enough for grief. But he looked thoroughly wrecked.

I should have asked what was wrong. Now I have to stew about it as I get to work. As I deal with whatI’mfeeling. He looks how I feel. Until recently, I could believe that somehow Cyara got off the ship and was alive and well somewhere. It was an unlikely scenario but possible. Now the reality is before me.

Four dead on my watch. Four I failed to protect.

And Roslyn was all too close to joining them.

I was the wrong person for this job. This proves it. Alosa will surely call us back now, surely reprimand me for this. But I’m not allowed to lose myself to panic and distress. I have to keep it together for the crew. I need to stay busy.

I send the bird off and get to work on the ship, cleaning tentacles from the deck. Dimella works beside me silently, using a broom to scrape blood and guts overboard. We’ve buckets of salt water to use to aid with cleaning. Meanwhile, Radita has finished making repairs below, and she now instructs the crew on fixing the upper.

But then I see her teeth chattering. She’s still in her sodden boots.

“Radita, you and those who repaired below are to warm up before you do anything else. Get fires going. I’ll not lose anyone to frostbite.”

“Aye—aye—” She descends through the trapdoor with her bailers.

Stars, I wasn’t thinking. How can I expect her to do anything after being exposed to that icy water? Why didn’t she say anything?

I massage my temples.

Four dead.

Almost everyone else injured or hurting.

How did I let this happen?

There had to be something I could have done better.