Page 129
“You were covered in blood from head to foot,” he adds.
Ah, I suppose I was rather filthy. “That’s all?” I ask.
“No, but that’s all you need to know of it.”
I glance over my shoulder, find his heated stare on my face. Any thoughts I might have had about his intentions quickly fall away.
“Why?” I ask.
“The rest of it doesn’t paint me in a very kind light.”
I laugh lightly. “I showed you all of my dark spaces. Do you really think you could say anything to scare me?”
“Aye, I do. But since you asked—” He approaches the fire until he stands beside me. He raises his hands to touch the heat with his fingertips. “I also left so I wouldn’t do something stupid. You were shivering and covered in so much blood, but I wanted you all the same. Would have taken whatever you offered right in that moment and relished in it. Then Jadine appeared and reminded me what a brute I was being, taking no heed of your own well-being. I left to collect my head.”
I swallow. “I see you cleaned up yourself.”
“Nothing like cold water to clear a man’s head and turn his mind to better thoughts.”
“I see.”
He’s not so close to me that our shoulders brush. But I could reach out and touch him if I wanted to.
“Why did you think I left?” he asks.
“I honestly had no idea. You might have guessed that I have no experience when it comes to these kinds of things.”
He turns, rotating his body to face me. “What kinds of things are those?”
“You know all too well,” I say, keeping my face on the fire.
“Aye, but I want to hear you say it.”
“You’re not going to.”
“That’s a shame.”
I take a deep breath and let it out. “I don’t know how to do this.”
“You’re doing it right now. You’re talking to me. Though I admit it might be better for the both of us if you’d deign to look at me, too.”
I turn only my head to meet his eyes.
“There’s no right or wrong way to do this. Just talk to me, and I’ll talk to you. That’s all we need. Honesty and communication. The rest we can figure out along the way.”
I feel restless, so I reach for a knife and start twirling it about. “I’ve spent my whole life hating men. I don’t know how to suddenly start liking one.”
“That can’t be true. What about Wallov?”
“Wallov is the exception, and only because I’ve observed him so closely with his daughter. You have to understand, aside from my father, my experiences with men have been limited to the man who slaughtered my family, the boys on the streets who preyed on little girls, and the pirate king—who abused Alosa beyond my comprehension.”
There’s also what happened to Niridia, but that’s not my story to tell.
“My point is,” I continue, “that I’m used to seeing evil in men. I looked high and low for it in you, but I couldn’t find it. So I thought to scare you off by showing you the evil in me. That didn’t work, either.”
He smiles softly. “You gave it your best effort to prevent us from happening. I commend you for it.”
I fight off a laugh. Kearan’s eyes trace my lips, taking in my smiles like they’re sunshine.
Ah, I suppose I was rather filthy. “That’s all?” I ask.
“No, but that’s all you need to know of it.”
I glance over my shoulder, find his heated stare on my face. Any thoughts I might have had about his intentions quickly fall away.
“Why?” I ask.
“The rest of it doesn’t paint me in a very kind light.”
I laugh lightly. “I showed you all of my dark spaces. Do you really think you could say anything to scare me?”
“Aye, I do. But since you asked—” He approaches the fire until he stands beside me. He raises his hands to touch the heat with his fingertips. “I also left so I wouldn’t do something stupid. You were shivering and covered in so much blood, but I wanted you all the same. Would have taken whatever you offered right in that moment and relished in it. Then Jadine appeared and reminded me what a brute I was being, taking no heed of your own well-being. I left to collect my head.”
I swallow. “I see you cleaned up yourself.”
“Nothing like cold water to clear a man’s head and turn his mind to better thoughts.”
“I see.”
He’s not so close to me that our shoulders brush. But I could reach out and touch him if I wanted to.
“Why did you think I left?” he asks.
“I honestly had no idea. You might have guessed that I have no experience when it comes to these kinds of things.”
He turns, rotating his body to face me. “What kinds of things are those?”
“You know all too well,” I say, keeping my face on the fire.
“Aye, but I want to hear you say it.”
“You’re not going to.”
“That’s a shame.”
I take a deep breath and let it out. “I don’t know how to do this.”
“You’re doing it right now. You’re talking to me. Though I admit it might be better for the both of us if you’d deign to look at me, too.”
I turn only my head to meet his eyes.
“There’s no right or wrong way to do this. Just talk to me, and I’ll talk to you. That’s all we need. Honesty and communication. The rest we can figure out along the way.”
I feel restless, so I reach for a knife and start twirling it about. “I’ve spent my whole life hating men. I don’t know how to suddenly start liking one.”
“That can’t be true. What about Wallov?”
“Wallov is the exception, and only because I’ve observed him so closely with his daughter. You have to understand, aside from my father, my experiences with men have been limited to the man who slaughtered my family, the boys on the streets who preyed on little girls, and the pirate king—who abused Alosa beyond my comprehension.”
There’s also what happened to Niridia, but that’s not my story to tell.
“My point is,” I continue, “that I’m used to seeing evil in men. I looked high and low for it in you, but I couldn’t find it. So I thought to scare you off by showing you the evil in me. That didn’t work, either.”
He smiles softly. “You gave it your best effort to prevent us from happening. I commend you for it.”
I fight off a laugh. Kearan’s eyes trace my lips, taking in my smiles like they’re sunshine.
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