Page 61
Story: These Shattered Memories
For a moment, silence stretches between us, heavy and charged. Then Alex tilts his head, his voice almost hollow. “Is that all?”
No. It’s not. There’s something else—a desire clawing at the edges of my control. Something I’ve buried for years, only for itto surge back to life the moment I saw him again. It’s reckless, dangerous, and ultimately undeniable.
I run a hand through my hair, letting out a frustrated sigh. “I meant it when I said I’m sorry—for this morning, for everything before. You were right. You didn’t have a choice, and I didn’t make it any easier for you. I didn’t make you feel safe when I should have.”
Alex’s brow furrows. “Rowan—”
“No, let me finish,” I cut him off, the words tumbling out before I can stop them. “I knew who you were, Alex. I knew from the start, and I still pursued you. I was a moth to your flame, and I just couldn’t help myself even when I knew you’d eventually burn me. That night, you said you loved me; I wanted to say it back. God, I wanted to. But I couldn’t.” My voice falters, the weight of the confession pressing down on me. “I couldn’t give up The Snake. I let you go because I thought I had to. But now…”
His eyes flicker. “Now what?” he asks softly.
“Now, I don’t know what I want anymore.”
The admission leaves me raw, exposed in a way I haven’t been in years. I’ve always been sure of what I want. From the moment I was born, I relentlessly pursued the crown, that was until I tasted something far sweeter.
Alex’s eyes meet mine, and for a moment, I see something there—hope, maybe.
“I should have told you that you were safe with me,” I whisper. “That I loved you too, even when I told myself I didn’t.”
His breath hitches, his voice trembling. “You loved me?”
I nod once, unable to find the right words.
“But you said you didn’t.”
“Think about it, Alex. If I didn’t love you and I knew who you were all along, then why wouldn’t I get rid of you? You asked me yourself why I didn’t kill you. It’s because I couldn’t. I couldnever hurt you. Not like that, anyway. It’s taken me a long time to realise it, but that’s the truth.”
“You loved me back…” he says it quietly, more to himself than anything.
“I did,” I say. I think I still do, I don’t add.
“How do I know you aren’t lying to me? That this isn’t some sick game you’re playing?”
I suppose that’s fair. It is something I would do, so I decide to tell him the full fucked up truth of my desire for him.
“I’m not lying to you. I have been obsessed with you since I met you. You have no idea how many times I’ve thought about coming up here in the middle of the night and fucking you whilst you’re half asleep just so you can never forget me. I toured your building just so I could know what your apartment looks like inside. I’ve slept in my car for days, just watching your apartment. I want to know every single detail about you because not knowing where you are or what you’re thinking at all times makes me feel sick.”
His lips part, his chest rising and falling in shallow breaths. The truth hangs heavy between us, undeniable and irreversible.
“You’ve been watching me,” he says finally, his voice laced with disbelief. “For how long?”
I used to watch him in those first few months only because I was terrified of what Xander or Hayden might do. Then it became an all-consuming obsession I had to quell with other activities that include lots of alcohol and lots of naked bodies.
Meticulous and obsessive. Half Hayden. Half Xander.
“I started again after Canning,” I confess.
“Started again?” he asks, voice rising slightly.
I try not to laugh, but it’s difficult not to. He looks horrified.
“No matter how hard I’ve tried to move on, it’s always been you, Alex. I can’t think straight without you somewhere in my mind.”
“You can’t—”
“You belong to me,” I say, invading his space again. “You’ve never stopped belonging to me.”
His lips part, eyes widening for only a second before he quickly recovers. I don’t give myself time to question it. I want this and judging from the tattoo that sits on his ribcage, he wants me too.
Table of Contents
- Page 1
- Page 2
- Page 3
- Page 4
- Page 5
- Page 6
- Page 7
- Page 8
- Page 9
- Page 10
- Page 11
- Page 12
- Page 13
- Page 14
- Page 15
- Page 16
- Page 17
- Page 18
- Page 19
- Page 20
- Page 21
- Page 22
- Page 23
- Page 24
- Page 25
- Page 26
- Page 27
- Page 28
- Page 29
- Page 30
- Page 31
- Page 32
- Page 33
- Page 34
- Page 35
- Page 36
- Page 37
- Page 38
- Page 39
- Page 40
- Page 41
- Page 42
- Page 43
- Page 44
- Page 45
- Page 46
- Page 47
- Page 48
- Page 49
- Page 50
- Page 51
- Page 52
- Page 53
- Page 54
- Page 55
- Page 56
- Page 57
- Page 58
- Page 59
- Page 60
- Page 61 (Reading here)
- Page 62
- Page 63
- Page 64
- Page 65
- Page 66
- Page 67
- Page 68
- Page 69
- Page 70
- Page 71
- Page 72
- Page 73
- Page 74
- Page 75
- Page 76
- Page 77
- Page 78
- Page 79
- Page 80
- Page 81
- Page 82
- Page 83
- Page 84
- Page 85
- Page 86
- Page 87
- Page 88
- Page 89
- Page 90
- Page 91
- Page 92
- Page 93
- Page 94
- Page 95
- Page 96
- Page 97
- Page 98
- Page 99
- Page 100
- Page 101
- Page 102
- Page 103
- Page 104
- Page 105
- Page 106
- Page 107
- Page 108
- Page 109
- Page 110
- Page 111
- Page 112
- Page 113
- Page 114
- Page 115
- Page 116
- Page 117
- Page 118
- Page 119
- Page 120
- Page 121
- Page 122
- Page 123
- Page 124
- Page 125
- Page 126
- Page 127
- Page 128
- Page 129
- Page 130
- Page 131
- Page 132
- Page 133
- Page 134