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But romantic walks on the beach will probably be far and few between. If I’m choosing Rowan, I’m choosing everything about him and I’m happy with that.

“Funny thing about funerals,” a voice comes from behind me. “People pretend they care, but most of them are just waiting to see who goes next.”

I startle, turning to find Xander. He pulls out a cigarette box, holding it out to offer me one. I shake my head, and he shrugs, placing one between his teeth and lighting it up. He stands there for a moment, letting out a stream of smoke. The distinct smell of tobacco and menthol surrounds us, and I wrinkle my nose, looking away from him.

Down the steps of the cathedral, members of The Snake stand around, black umbrellas covering their sombre faces. I look at Xander again, dressed in a similar black suit as he blows out his cigarette. I don’t know if I should ask him how he’s doing. I’m not sure whether he’d appreciate that or not.

“Do you want to say something?” he asks, blue eyes flickering.

My jaw goes slack. “This must be … a lot.”

He laughs openly, like he finds what I said truly funny. “Astute observation. I see why you’re a detective,” he says, letting out another stream of smoke. “You know, to my brothers; she was mostly indifferent. To me, she was cruel. So was my father. They always believed something was wrong with me.”

I shiver. His voice is empty, like he’s talking about the weather. Something does feel wrong about Xander, but I don’t say that. Despite the uneasy feeling he leaves most people with, I feel a flicker of understanding. Whatever the reason behind his hate is, he was a child, and he deserved to be loved. I almost laugh at how similar we might be. I never knew my parents and none of my foster parents were ever kind. All I’ve known from parental figures is indifference or cruelty.

“I wouldn’t say this to Hayden or Rowan, but I’m glad he killed her,” he continues, dropping the cigarette and putting it out with his foot. “Eventually, I would have done the same to her.”

I swallow, considering my next words carefully. I’m not sure whether him and I will ever be friends, but I don’t want him to hate me either. “I understand,” I tell him.

He lifts an eyebrow. “You do?”

I nod. “I never knew my parents and the foster homes I remember were owned by, at best, neglectful, at worst, evil people. I wanted to kill some of them too for what they did and what they were going to do.”

Xander stares at me for a moment. I match his gaze, not shying away from it. Finally, he smiles. “My mother’s death is only the beginning. Half of the people here today don’t think Rowan can do this and they are going to do their best to snatch the crown.”

It’s what Rowan and I talked about inside the cathedral. This is far from over.

“I know,” I tell him.

“Are you ready for that?” Xander asks. “Because my brother loves you. I worry he might love you too much.”

I’m not sure why but my neck heats. Still, I nod. “I love him too. I’ve loved him so much that I couldn’t breathe properly for two years. Now I can and I won’t let anything happen to him.”

Xander nods appreciatively. “Good,” he says. “I think I like you, Kimura, so I’d really hate to kill you if you fucked up again. Plus, a war is coming. We need as many allies as we can get.”

I suck in a quiet breath. Two years ago, he didn’t come for me thanks to Rowan, and I won’t give him another reason to. I open my mouth to say something, something that can show him that I’m not afraid of him even though I think I still am, but before I can, I feel an arm curl around my waist. Rowan’s scent engulfs him, staving off the wariness I feel for a moment.

“Let’s get out of here,” he whispers in my ear, voice soft against the soft patter of rain, and the quiet hum of voices and car engines.

My entire body relaxes. I’ve barely been to my own apartment in the last few days. The townhouse does feel like home now. He feels like home.

Xander shoots me a strange smile and I nod, letting Rowan guide me away from the intimidating cathedral with its tolling bells and Zaina’s dead body.

We drive through Senna in a comfortable silence. My mind drifts to Xander’s words, my mind bracing for the inevitable. Jonathan may be neutralised, but his allies aren’t. Neither are The Scarlet Ravens.

Back at the townhouse, the warmth is a welcome reprieve from the storm outside.

“How are you feeling?” he asks, his voice soft as he steps into the kitchen.

I lean against the counter, watching him carefully. “I’m okay,” I say, though the words feel hollow. “Just wondering what happens now.”

Rowan shrugs, his expression unreadable. “The Ritual,” he says simply. “And then I become Head of The Snake.”

I force a smile, but the weight of those words lingers between us. He says it like it’s the easiest thing in the world, but I know better. Being with Rowan means stepping into a world I’m not sure I’ll ever understand.

“I know,” I say. “I meant with us.”

He gazes at me for a long moment, midnight blue eyes gentle. “Whatever you want, Alex. You can do whatever you want. I’ll be right there with you.”