Page 15

“Yeah, no way.”

Our eyes met, and I smirked, able to realize he might be lying, though he had a poker face.

“Now, which room is Beck’s?”

“Next door,” he answered.

I nodded before leaving. Outside the room, I felt like I could breathe again.

5

Sal

Next room, I didn’t wait to see who would come out of the shower, stepping into the steaming bathroom. My eyes locked on Beck’s silhouette through the sliding doors.

“Hey,” I whispered, but he didn’t look so maybe he didn’t hear me.

After a moment, he spoke, “Tell me you lied to protect me… that you didn’t do it to hurt me.”

“I didn’t want to hurt you, Beck,” I sighed. “I didn’t want you to also end up dead because of me.”

The water shut off a second later, and he stepped out of the shower. “I’m sick of being lied to by people.” He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist. “You see, Emma lied and said she loved me and cared about me, but apparently I’m too goofy for her.”

“Not for me. Fuck that bitch,” I snapped.

“Even Briar lies. Do you know how long it took to get out of him that our father was…” He shook his head. I knew where he was going. “Everyone treats me like a kid. I don’t need your protection, and I don’t need your lies. If we are together, I need honesty, and I need to be treated like I am equal. I can handle shit. I can handle breaking up, and I can handle my own family. I beat the fuck out of my father for fuck sakes!”

I stared at him, letting him continue. He needed this.

“I like you, but I hate your lies and how you hide yourself.”

“I hid two things—my arms and skills. Everything was the real me. The girl who never had fruit before and the girl you fucked in the car. I am the same.”

“No, you’re not! You are this whole other person!” he shouted.

“I am not! The moment you forgive me, this will go back to normal.”

“So, I just forgive you like it’s nothing? Like today didn’t happen.”

Anger rushed through me, making my jaw tighten. “Are you blaming me for today?”

His face softened. “No! I didn’t—”

“I understand. I fucked up because I didn’t know how to trust anyone. It’s not because you’re funny or not serious. I didn’t tell anyone. Everyone leaves, and everyone dies. I learned that in Ashbourne. I just never can get close to people.”

“Then how is this supposed to work between us?!” he asked, hands reaching for me but he stopped himself.

“I don’t know! I never did this! I told you guys this!” I threw my hand in the arm, letting it drop to my side.

He stared at me.

I bit my bottom lips. “I don’t understand relationships and how vulnerable they make people. I kill people with no remorse, and I have more guilt for lying to you than I do about this morning being my fault.”

“This isn’t your fault,” Beck muttered, moving to me.

“It is!” I stepped back. “You don’t have to tell me differently or be nice to me. I’m sorry I lied to you. I just want things to go back to how they were before, and now I fucked it up, Beck. I’m sorry.”

He cupped my face. “It’s okay.”