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“It’s partially about the intent. When I’m making love to a woman with it, I want to blow her mind so hard she doesn’t even know what gender she is. Because I fried her brain.”

“That’s apt, honestly.”

“But I like being like this, too. I don’t take hormones and the only medical thing I’ve done is get an IUD to make me forget about my period. I might have a problem with the whole concept.”

“Is it… because of me? And what happened twelve years ago?”

I hesitate before answering. “Maybe a little bit. But that’s always been one of the more dysphoric issues I deal with. Now I don’t have to.”

“I have an IUD too. For different reasons.”

My nose traces a line from her hairline to the top of her spine. “See how much we have in common?” Beneath my grip are her breasts, and I squeeze them, tenderly, reminding her of her own body’s existence. “I love women, Katie. With all my heart. Especially women who make me even more aware of my blood rushing through my veins.” That includes my extremities. My heart. My entire body… tits, cunt and all. “You women are a celebration of femininity that brings me peace with myself.”

She finally relaxes. “Are you living vicariously through my long hair and dresses, Ira?”

“Are you living vicariously through my undercut and tailored suits?”

“Ah, maybe a little…”

“Tell me, how does Kathleen Allen, bisexual, feel about her non-binary lover?”

“Oh, this bisexual feels many things about her. Some of them I’m still not sure about, but I know I wish I was half as confident in myself as she is in herself.”

I don’t tell her this, but she might be the only person to so effortlessly refer to me with feminine pronouns and not stir something uncomfortable inside of me. I don’t tell her, because I don’t want to complicate this, including my feelings. I feel safe with Kathleen… in ways I never thought I could with someone who sees me as not so different from her femme self.

We could be two sides of the same beautiful coin, Katie. We could conquer the world one night at a time.

“I want to still do it, I think,” she says. “Experimenting, I mean. As long as I also get stuff like this.”

I kiss her skin yet again. “You can have it as much as you want.”

It’s not love I feel for her. It’s not.

It’s not love.

Chapter 35

Kathleen

The water disappears down the drain. Ira gets out, grabbing a towel and drying herself off as I remain in receding water. Her physique is especially radiant in the candlelight. Her chest unrestricted, her arms strong, and the subtle curves of her body bringing attention to her pelvis. There’s something vulnerable about someone like her walking around naked in front of you completely herself. Intimate. She’s saying she trusts you to not judge, to not sum her up as all of her visual parts. There’s plenty in her heart and soul to digest, too.

“Let’s get you dried off,” she says, extending her hand to me. Before I know it, Ira’s wrapped a fresh towel around me and is slowly, tortuously patting my skin dry.

I know what she’s doing. I allow her, letting out a moan as I succumb to her embrace.

“You’re so soft,” she mutters, the white cloth brushing against my nipples and making them hard. The cloth is soon replaced by her fingers. Her lips are on my neck.

“Ira…” I want a name for her. I need something to call her that’s intimately us.

“Yes?” Her hands grip me harder, spreading my legs apart so she can tease my slit.

“Make love to me.”

Her groping slows. “Do you want it?”

The towel pats my stomach. “Yes.” My voice is so meek. Whose is it?

It’s the sub’s. She’s coming out to play now that she knows it’s safe.