Page 89

She sighs anyway. Shit, the distance is growing between us again. Good job, Ira. How many times have you freaked her out? This is a good example of why we’re not compatible.

I need to remember that. This isn’t a blossoming romance. This is two stupid idiots trying to make something out of nothing – a negative nothing. Our physical attraction to one another will only take us so far.

“I’m sorry,” she mutters into the tub. “I know you don’t expect anything tonight.”

Leaning forward, I wrap both arms around her torso, some of the water of the bath splashing over the side and falling down a center drain. My lips kiss her damp back, licking away the water droplets overtaking her. I’m careful not to touch her breasts or thighs as I embrace her again. I don’t want her to think I’m trying to dominate her.

Although I would really, really love to.

I got a taste of her innermost self two weeks ago, and now I only think of having more. She asked me to train her. She asked me, yet I know deep down that she can barely handle it.

There’s so much pressure. Pressure from her to be kind, gentle, and the exact kind of Mistress she needs to fulfill those fantasies lurking in the back of her mind.

Pressure from myself, telling me to forget all that and plunge myself into her again.

“We need to talk, Katie.”

Her arms fold on the edge of the bath, her cheek resting on top of her elbow. I draw a line up her spine, but she does not respond. I nuzzle my nose into her messy bun and inhale the sweet scent of the shampoo she used this morning. Even though my tub is big enough for two people, we’re still cramped in here, and turning on my side to indulge in her body means rubbing my thighs against her ass.

Keep this up, and I won’t be able to hold back much longer.

“What the fuck do we have to talk about?” She’s pouting. I bet she’s adorable, gorgeous. If only I could see her. I’ll have to make do with touching her seductive body.

“We need to talk about us.”

“Why?”

“Because you’ve asked a lot of me, and I want to make sure we’re on the same page.”

“Do we have to talk about it tonight?”

“Better tonight than when we’re trying to have a scene and you feel pressured into things you don’t want to do.” Before she can protest, I say, “You wouldn’t think of it that way at the time. You would try to push yourself like you did the other night. That’s where things get scary for you, and I want to avoid that.”

She doesn’t answer. She knows what I mean.

“Katie,” I say softly, pressing myself against her. “Before we can do any of that, I need you to feel comfortable with me and trust me unconditionally, because I will push you. There will be times you seriously wonder if you should keep going, out of discomfort and fear. Please believe me when I say I only want our most mutual pleasure.”

I kiss her neck, but not hard. I want to allow her to speak.

“I don’t know what I was thinking when I asked that of you. It’s pretty clear we don’t operate that way together.”

“You are harboring those fantasies that you want to act upon. They will keep building up inside you until they start interfering with your usual life. I’ve seen it many times. With you… it’s very different because you’re not like most women. You know what it’s like to seek out and feel powerful. Giving up power is hard, I know.”

Katie presses her forehead against the tub. “Why are you doing this? Why are you taking me out on dates?”

This isn’t a question about domination and submission. She’s asking why we’re even here in this tub, and I admit it’s something I haven’t fully thought through.

“Because I like you, Kathleen. I’m not going to deny it any longer.”

My hands touch her, finally, feeling her supple breasts in my hands and the heat between her legs. I’m gentle, but she knows my intentions. Katie relaxes a little. Not enough for me to make love to her here in this tub, though.

That’s all right. That can come later.

I can barely think about what I said. Of course I like Kathleen! Why would I be doing this if I didn’t like her? I’ve had casual sex with many women who didn’t do it for me, but she’s different. I want to be in the bath with her. I want to take her out to dinner and listen to her talk about her family and work. I want to curl up with her like this, feel her warm skin move with her breaths, and listen to her heartbeat in her chest as we fall asleep together.

I won’t say it’s love. I’m practical and being with Kathleen would be the most impractical relationship possible.

“I like you too,” she softly says. “But I also kinda hate you.”