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I laugh. “One too many drinks and a man named Stone.” Jem didn’t tell me about her straight experimentation until we knew each other a good five years or so. Then she only told me when she was so plastered she didn’t know what was coming out of her mouth.

“Anyway, that guy was definitely a Dom. And yours truly was so high on life that she was going to do whatever he wanted. Use your imagination from there.”

“Oh, I have.”

“It wasn’t bad. The submitting, that is. That was to a man, you know? Shit, doing that with a woman is totally different. I would only consider that if…” She stops, shaking her head.

“No, what?”

“Well… if I were in love with her. And since I have Gwenny, I doubt that will happen.”

I release my last card. A King. The only way Jem could beat me is if she has an Ace.

Instead, she has another four.

As we count up our cards to see who is buying the next round of drinks, I think about what she said. Am I the same way? Would I submit for love?

How much do I love Katie, exactly?

Put the kink aside. Think of us as we are in normal, everyday life. Yeah, we still have abrasive, dominant personalities that will clash. We would probably need to keep separate residences for time-outs, but is it so hard to believe that we could essentially live together? Make love? Do business? No, it’s not. Some concessions would have to be made, such as who is making decisions for a day, but at the end of it, a glass of wine and a kiss on those heavenly lips would be enough to placate me. Maybe a bath, too.

Now put the kink back in.

I want Kathleen, both as she is to the world and as she is to me. I don’t want to make her submit every day. Maybe once a week… every two weeks. Once a month. However often she is comfortable with it. I’m a busy person who definitely gets their rocks off to a woman submitting to them, but for love, I could go without sometimes if Kathleen wasn’t in the mood. I’m sure I’d still be getting laid. Very well.

Kathleen isn’t going to be happy with that, however. I can’t blame her. I’d be miserable the other way around.

I tell Jem my desire to debut Katie as my sub. She looks at me wide-eyed as if I told her that the Princess of Wales had called me up asking me for domination services.

“Yeah, right.”

“She’s worried about her image.”

“No shit!”

I put my head in my hands. “Is it really impossible for two assholes like us to be together? Happily?”

“Look at the Anderssens. They’re both assholes.”

“I don’t want to become Kennedy Anderssen.”

“I dunno, she’s got that hot wife Lara. I bet she gives and takes good. I mean, I know for a fact. I’ve seen them on that stage.”

The empty stage is enticing tonight. Mostly because I think about dragging Katie up there and making a show out of her. I’ve never performed before. Least of all here, in front of friends and business acquaintances. It’s not unheard of, for sure. Jem has done it, the Anderssens do it all the time, and let’s not forget the Warners who are regulars on a stage these days. This is very much a place where business and pleasure mingle, and then are completely separated. Unless you act so uncouth that you make legitimate enemies, nobody is going to care.

If you care, you shouldn’t be here.

Jem and I have our last round of drinks in silence. I’m contemplating the world and my place in it. Not just existentially. I’m focusing on my relationship with Kathleen. How much do I want her? Just how much? I’ve pushed her boundaries as far as I have because it turned me on and made me feel like a stronger person. Watching her transform from a wary woman to a glorious submissive has been one of the most enchanting experiences of my life.

In turn, I’ve barely compromised a thing. No wonder she’s irate.

I thank Jem for the drinks and pick up my coat from the checkroom. The hostess hails a taxi for me, and it’s waiting by the time I appear on the curb. I tell the driver my condo building and sit in the back, sinking into the seat and wondering what drinks I can make at home.

It’s gonna be one of those nights.

Drinks. Let’s be real, probably fantasizing. My hand under the covers. It’s gonna be a wild night of me drowning my thoughts and fantasizing about Kathleen. God help me.

I see her before me, getting ready to kiss me, touch me, and love me until I can’t physically love anymore. Fuck me hard. Fuck my attraction to her. Fuck my needs.