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“Same one your mother uses, Ira,” he says, laughing.

My father hears this. “That weasel little fuck? He followed me around during the divorce. I would come home and find him going through the garbage and cornering my employees. I… fuck!’ He leaps up, knocking over someone’s beer and stumbling into a table. “Carolyn did this!”

Now I really am laughing. My mother would. She’s as vindictive in love as she is greedy for money. Bless her.

Of course, my father doesn’t think this is so funny. I kind of feel sorry for him. He says it wasn’t love with Stephanie, but he stuck with her longer than he has any of his previous girlfriends, and he’s taking this breakup hard. If my father were your average rich guy and not the patriarch of an old money company, he’d probably still let Stephanie suck him dry. As his kid, I should support him, or at least try to make him feel better. As someone sick of Stephanie’s shit, however, fuck that.

Donovan Mathison is, at this very moment, raging around the room, screaming about how he’s going to teach that woman a lesson while his old frat buddies try to get him to calm down and let it go. Easier said than done when you’re as drunk as he is.

“You got what you deserved, Donovan!”

The rabble quiets down. The young hotel man who was overseeing our gathering is pushed out of the doorway, overtaken by a menopausal woman dressed in fur to make herself look three times bigger than she is. Her heels also make her five inches taller.

My father trips over a couch and falls to his knees. “What have I done to deserve this torture? God.”

Three men try to help him back up while the others crowd around my mother. Filial love prompts me to push to the front of the pack and put myself between her and them. They won’t try anything funny, but I won’t stand to have one of them touch her.

Although she’s as stupid as my dad right now.

“Look at you. Always been a sniveling man who gets excited over anything with smooth skin and big eyes. Some things never change, do they, Donovan?”

“What are you doing?” I hiss, trying to shield my mother from the people surrounding us.

“Oh, Ira.” She clasps her hand over my mouth as if I’m five and saying bad words. “You’re too young to understand.” Thanks. “Your father needs reminding that I’m the original young tart around here.”

She tosses a stole over her shoulder and kicks her foot in my father’s direction. “Thirty years ago my boss walked into my office and told me he had a nice present for me. Go ahead. Guess what it was.”

I groan.

“Then ten months later I’ve got a ring and this ray of sunshine in my life.” Her hand drops from my mouth and flits at the men around her. “Donovan Mathison, you may think you’re the only slick willy around here, but I’ll have you know that your ex-wife has learned a thing or two in her years. You may have cheated on me once or twice during our marriage…”

“You cheated on me too, Carolyn!’

“Shush, I’m talking.” My mother approaches Eddie, patting his cheek and smiling like a tigress about to rip apart a cornered gazelle. Eddie looks like he can’t choose between being flattered and scared half to death. “When my ex-husband said he had a present for me, it’s not like I didn’t know what that meant. I wasn’t some sheltered preacher’s daughter. I applied for that position because I knew he would pay well. In more ways than one.”

Joy. My mother finally admits to being a gold digger. I come from impressive stock.

“That’s why I know danger when I see it, Donovan. I wasn’t about to let that woman make a fool out of you. You were already doing that by taking our child’s girlfriend.”

“Now…” my father begins.

“…She wasn’t my girlfriend,” I finish.

“Stephanie May was a mess that needed cleaning up. I was going to let you stew in your stupidity, Donovan, but when I found out about some other things she was up to, I decided to intervene. It also reminded me that…” Her face softens, much to my father’s confusion. As she approaches him, slowly, each stiletto clicking on the marble tiles, Dad brushes off another piece of dust. “For the love of God, Donovan, I still love you and won’t let a woman nowhere near as good as me take what’s mine.”

The quiet is enough to make me wretch.

“You’re an idiot. You chase any tail you think you can buy with all your money. You smell like dog food after you’ve had too much to drink.” My mother sniffs. “Like now. That’s rude, Donovan.”

“Like you’re any better…”

“Oh, I’m no saint, but at least I admit my shortcomings.” With a mighty sigh, my mother dangles her hand in front of my father’s face. “How about we let bygones be bygones?”

I’m not sure what I’m watching as my father lets out a frustrated cry and grabs my mother’s hand, pulling her down to his level and muttering shit that makes her laugh. I’m either watching my parents get back together, or I’m watching the opening to a ritualistic sacrifice.

Let’s be real. One would lead to the other very quickly.

Chapter 78