Page 61

It’s already bad enough that I enjoy the feel of her in my arms way more than I should.
After a moment of silence, she shifts. “Why help me? Why do any of this? You hate me.”
“I don’t hate you.” Clearly, my mouth has no filter tonight. If there was any doubt about my confession to Holden earlier, here’s the confirmation I didn’t ask for.
I’m a mess over this woman.
Her earlier words rush back into my head.Sometimes, I wish I could just disappear. I bet you’d like that.
My throat tightens painfully.
Nothing is black and white anymore; it hasn’t been in a while.
Her sharp inhale is loud in the otherwise quiet house. “You should hate me. I deserve it.”
I go rigid at her words, her statement catching me off guard.
Why would she say something like this?
Not wanting to disturb this weird calm between us, I keep my voice low and say, “Well, if it’s that important to you, I can go back to hating you tomorrow.”
Chapter 16
Evangeline
Sunlight shines through my closed eyelids, and I don’t need a mirror to know my eyes are swollen.
Thank you, utter breakdown last night.
Maybe it made Phoenix realize what a basket case he’s got on his hands, and he’ll let me out of this arrangement.
Yeah, right.
I roll onto my back and stare at the ceiling, unable to keep yesterday’s memories at bay.
The gala. The kiss. Playing the piano. The reminder of what a mess my life has turned into. My outburst. Phoenix.
I don’t hate you.
His words still float around in my head. He really said that, didn’t he? And then he carried me into my room like some dark knight in shining armor, where he waited until I managed to change out of my dress and climb into bed. I’m totally ignoring the memories of how gentle he was with me and that I wanted to stay cocooned in his warm arms.
Although I got a full night’s sleep, I feel like I barely slept. My panic attacks always suck the energy right out of me, andthis seems to be no different. More than once, I had to spend several days in bed afterward because my body and mind were so sluggish and fatigued, making me utterly useless.
I didn’t miss feeling like this, and I’m not sure how I’m supposed to go to another event in mere hours.
With my fiancé.
I look around the room, almost expecting to find him somewhere, which is ridiculous.
That man has zero reasons to care about me. Absolutely zero.
Not hating someone is a far cry from liking or caring about someone.
Regardless of how he feels about me, I need to find him and apologize for last night. My stomach churns uncomfortably at the memory of destroying the music room and facing Phoenix again, but it wasn’t okay what I did. Hopefully, it won’t ever happen again because this side of myself scares me.
It’s okay.
I fill my lungs with air and exhale slowly.