Page 68

“Just think about it. Okay?”

“Yeah. Sure.”

She’s given me so much to consider, but I’m exhausted. Today was a total shit show. Maybe she’s right, and I’m letting Blackstone win. But opening my heart to someone isn’t something I’ve ever wanted to do before. I don’t know if I have any love left inside me. If I do, then it’s so hidden I might not be able to find it.

I lay down and hold her against me. She’s breathing softly, but I know she’s still awake. She’s waiting for me to say something to affirm my love for her, but I can’t. I just can’t. Not yet. Maybe never. But her perspective about love is something I’ve never thought about before. Maybe she’s right. Maybe allowing myself to love her is worth the risk of having my heart broken all over again.

Either way, it’s something I need to think about for longer than just a few minutes. She can’t expect me to heal a lifetime of pain with one conversation. Real life doesn’t work like that. I can’t just flip a switch and be normal. I’ll never be normal. Is that something she can live with?

Chapter 19: Julia

Nina’s been giving me questioning glances allmorning.I can see why she’s curious about Scar’s sudden shift in behavior. He hasn’t scowled all morning. In fact, he’s the opposite of mopey. He’s running around like a kid, chasing after Max. The two were giggling like mad and were getting so rambunctious that Nina had to warn them to be careful around the furniture. Seeing this side of him helps to calm my nerves. Our conversation last night was so intense that I wasn’t sure how he’d feel this morning. Fortunately, it seems like a huge weight has been lifted from his shoulders. I hope it’s true and that this new version of Scar lasts longer than a few hours.

“We’re going to get blankets to make forts!” Max yells as he runs past the kitchen and down the hall.

“You can join us if you want,” Scar says to Nina and me as he walks by.

“Thanks, but no thanks. We’re working on rainbow cupcakes with unicorn frosting,” Nina says.

“We are?” I raise a brow, realizing I’m being roped into her baking scheme.

“That’s too girly,” Reaper says.

I jump and turn to where he’s lurking near the sliding door in the living room. I don’t know how he’s able to appear and disappear like a ghost. It’s so strange that I can’t help but wonder if that’s his special power. Scar mentioned the other guys have unusual abilities, too, but he didn’t go into specifics. We had too many other things to talk about, but now, I’m intrigued.

“Rainbow cupcakes are pure joy.” Nina’s tone is subtly scolding.

“Hum,” he grunts.

When I glance up, he’s gone.

“Can he just, um, disappear or something? Like a phantom?” I ask Nina.

“No. He’s just really good at blending into the background. You get used to him showing up suddenly and then leaving just as quickly. It was very disconcerting when he first came to live with us. I wouldn’t say I’m used to it now, but I’m definitely not surprised when he appears. He’s a good man. He’s just different from the others.”

“Different how?”

She studies me for several seconds before saying, “He’s connected to the other side in a way that’s hard to explain or understand.”

“The other side?”

“Death.”

“Oh.”

I don’t know if she’s being cagy because she really can’t explain his abilities or if she just doesn’t want to reveal his powers. Either way, the whole conversation is making my heart heavy again, and I don’t want to go there right now. This morning has been perfect. Why ruin it by prying into someone else’s life?

As we work to make the colorful treats, Scar and Max bring load after load of blankets, sheets, and pillows into the living room. At first, it’s a complete mess, but over time, the fort’s structure begins to emerge.

“My dad never made forts with me,” Max says. “Did your dad play with you?”

“I didn’t have a dad.”

“Why not? Doesn’t everyone have one?”

“Mine went away, and I never met him.” Scar glances at me. There’s a hint of pain in his eyes, but he blinks it away before giving me a soft smile.

“I wish mine died!” Max throws a pillow across the room, knocking a lamp over.