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I’m so fucking close.

Thrusting my cock between her luscious lips, I grab the back of her head, fisting her hair and dragging her mouth up and down my dick. I moan and try to hold back for as long as I can. I savor the razor’s edge between pleasure and pain. Then she looks at me with those big, doe eyes and sucks me deeper.

I explode, thrusting hard against my hand, strangling my cock, wringing out every last drop of pleasure, and all the while, she’s watching me while I ravage her beautiful face. Those eyes. God, I’m ruined.

With a sharp cry, I drop to my knees as pulsing waves of heat burst from my body. I’m on my hands and knees; my cock’s still jerking hard. I don’t know how long I’m like this, only that my fantasy has wrecked me. This should have helped me stop thinking about her, but it only worsened things. Now I need her more than I need my next breath.

But I can’t have her. Not tonight. Not tomorrow. Not ever.

The water’s cold by the time I have enough strength to get back on my feet. I towel off quickly, then slip into a pair of black silk pajama pants and a ribbed, black tank top. If she’s stupid enough to wander in again, at least my scars will be covered. Part of me hopes she’ll be that reckless, but another part just wants her to leave me alone. She’s trouble in a petite little package. I can’t let her get under my skin.

I fix the sheets before climbing into bed. She’s probably sleeping now. I should be sleeping too, but I can’t risk it. I don’t want to get sucked back into the same nightmare. None of them are worth reliving, but some are far more traumatizing than others. The one she woke me up from is among the worst. But it doesn’t matter which nightmare is tormenting me. If I wake up from it and then try to go back to sleep, the same nightmare always comes back. It starts up right where it left off. I can’t escape the horror. I can’t find peace.

There’s no point in trying to sleep. Morning will be here soon. I just have to hold out long enough to see daylight. Tomorrow, we’ll figure out how to help Max. I can’t do anything about my past, but I can do something about his future. That’s what I need to focus on. Not on Julia and all the filthy things I want to do to her, but on Max and how to save him.

And so, I do. I spend the rest of the night trying not to think about her while trying to figure out how to help the boy she rescued.

Chapter 6: Julia

I’m shaking so hard I can’t even walk. I lean against the wall outside Scar’s bedroom door and try to catch my breath. What the hell just happened? He almost … I almost … We almost …

“Oh, God,” I whimper.

All I wanted to do was find out why he was screaming. I thought he was in trouble, so I ran in to help. Hewasin trouble, just not the kind of trouble I expected, and now I’m in all kinds of trouble, too. I should be terrified, and I am, but also, I’m so damn wet it’s crazy. I can’t believe what just happened. Maybe I’m dreaming; only I know I’m not. My body wouldn’t be this inflamed if it were only a dream. I wouldn’t be feeling this reckless and out of control.

My painfully hard nipples poke against my camisole, reminding me of what almost happened on his bed. When he pinned me down, I was frightened, but I also burned with desire. I’m still on fire. My panties cling to my scorching hot center, and I’m dripping with lust. All I can think about is how his hips pressed mine down into the bed. The pressure. The weight of him. It was so much, too much. And the crazy part is I’m tempted to go back in and let him finish what he started. Which is just insane. I’m clearly losing my mind. It’s all those tattoos. And those muscles. And that cock! I only caught a glimpse, but it’s … it’s … monstrous. And I want it. I want him. Oh, God, I want him so much.

I try to pull myself together, but it’s impossible. I can’t stand here all night. I have to get back to my room before someone sees me or before I do something incredibly stupid, like walk back into his room and throw myself at him. I have to stop thinking about his hot, naked, wildly captivating body and start thinking about how much I enjoy being alive instead. He almost killed me. If he hadn’t snapped out of it when he did, I’d be dead right now. I’m sure of it.

I’m halfway to my room when I realize Nina is standing at the door to her room. She takes one look at me and clucks her tongue.

“Well, you stepped right into it, didn’t you?” she asks wryly, closing her bedroom door behind her.

“I just wanted some, uh, water?”

“Your teeth are chattering so hard I can hear them from here.” When she reaches my side, she grasps my upper arm and leads me toward the kitchen. “You look like you could use a drink—”

“Oh, I was just going back to—”

“—and we need to talk.”

“Okay.” I don’t know what else to say. I think I’m still in shock, and now, I’m mortified that she caught me. Not that I was doing anything wrong. I was only trying to help him.

Nina gets me settled at the island before grabbing two whiskey glasses from an upper shelf. She pours amber liquid into both, filling them to the brim. As she shoves one drink toward me, a trickle sloshes over the edge. I’m tempted to lick it off the counter because I’ll need every drop to get through this conversation. I’m sure she’s about to yell at me because I’m wandering the halls at night and going into rooms I don’t belong in. Rooms that should be forbidden and totally off limits. Dangerous rooms filled with sexy monsters.

“I should have stayed in my room,” I mutter.

Normally, I never touch liquor, but today, I’ll make an exception. I don’t particularly like the flavor of whiskey, so I shoot the entire glass. It sears my throat and instantly warms my belly. Maybe it will help calm my nerves, too.

“Impressive. Don’t let Scar know you don’t have a gag reflex,” she teases.

My face burns, but not because of the alcohol.

“Another?” she asks.

I nod, and she pours. I don’t know if I should tell her about what happened with Scar or not. I don’t usually lie, even by omission, but for some reason, what took place between us feels very personal, like it’s a secret that needs to be kept. I don’t want to betray his confidence, so I decide not to say anything unless she specifically asks me why I’m awake.

“I saw you coming out of Scar’s room,” Nina says.