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It had started before that night. On the very first night of the training camp. What I’d mistaken for her pushing me away – her hyperfocus on training – had been her retreating from the reality of what Glenn was doing to her.
She wrote about feeling groggy and disoriented after her sessions. How her body never felt right. How she’d wake up the next morning, unable to remember the evening before. She’d find bruises on her limbs and feel sick to her stomach but not know why. She thought it might be a reaction to the recovery drinks Glenn was giving her.
I’m not going to drink it tonight.That’s what she’d written the night after I left. The night I’d been living it up with Pete.
She’d emptied it out so he wouldn’t know. She thought that would disappoint him. The reality was so much worse. He’d crept into her room in the middle of the night – except this time she was wide awake. He forced himself on her.
She’d screamed. Fought. When he realized she wasn’t under the influence of whatever he’d put in her drinks, he begged for her silence with promises of making her a star. When that didn’t work, he threatened her with violence and slander. Her word against his. A nobody athlete against a powerful coach to legendary stars.
She must have been so terrified. When I think of how much she must have needed me …
I’d left her to fend for herself. With no one to protect her. No one – except Adri. I thought she had gone too. But somehow she’d been there.
The journal entries stop.
It’s at that moment that I know I’m too late.
I don’t know why, but my first call is to Boones. I tell him everything. I don’t know what I expect him to do – certainly not comfort me. It’s not in his DNA.
But he comes to her funeral and sits with me as we lay her to rest.
I hold on to that.
I ignore the endless missed calls I have from Pete. I can’t bring myself to talk to him, even when I return to the UK to pack Yasmin’s things. I’d gone to him, rather than staying with her. The guilt of that will eat at me for the rest of my life.
I ignore all the calls from Adrienne too. I’ve seen what she’s going through online. The fallout from the lie she told – or maybe, more accurately, from the truth she tried to reveal. I know Yasmin’s journal would exonerate her. But I’m too angry – with myself, with her, with the world – to care about alleviating her pain.
I have enough of my own now to last a lifetime.
39
Stella
When I finish telling Pete what happened in Ibiza, he leans forward, grabbing my hand.
‘I am so sorry, Stella. I had no idea.’
‘I know you didn’t. After Yasmin died – I didn’t want her associated with that man. Her name brought up in the same breath as his. I couldn’t tell you, because that would mean it all coming out. That’s why I just left.’
‘I can’t even imagine what you must have been going through. If I had known, I would have …’ His voice trails off.
I give him a sad smile. ‘You would have what? There was nothing you could have done to fix this, Pete. No action to take. Glenn was a monster. But then Glenn died too, and there was no one left to blame but myself.’
‘I would have been there for you.’
‘I know. Honestly, I really do. And you waited for me. After the way I ghosted you, I assumed you’d never want to see me again.’
‘Stella, your sister died. Of course I was going to give you whatever space you needed. It doesn’t matter anyway. We’re together now.’ He lifts my hand to his mouth, kissing my fingers. The he pulls away and sighs. ‘So Glennwasa predator. Only not to Adri.’
‘Yup.’
He frowns. I know what he wants to ask. Why didn’t I come to her defence? But he’s too afraid of upsetting me.
I take a deep breath, but I can’t calm my racing heart. There’s another secret that I’m keeping from Pete. Keeping from everyone. If Matthew is hunting his dad’s killer, then it isn’t Adrienne he’s after. Someone else visited Glenn that day, and there’s a chance Matthew has found out who.
We need to get to Boones. And fast.
A huge sandstone cliff looms above us. We must be getting close now to the starting point on the map; our eyes are peeled for tyre tracks in the sand.