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“That’s my problem? I have no imagination?”
“Not at all. You grew up knowing your brothers would take over. And then your mother’s death—”
“That was my fault,” I blurt out.
Dr. Patel pauses. “Why is that?”
“Because I told her I married Hettie, and then she left and got into an accident. She must have been so mad at me, and then…” I squeeze my knees tightly, welcoming the pinch of my fingers as punishment.
“Why do you think she was mad at you?” Dr. Patel asks in a quiet voice.
“Because I got married without telling her.” I sound like a broken record. I said the same thing to Hettie, to Odin. To Dad. And they all care about me, so of course they would protest and try to change my mind, but there’s no point. If I hadn’t married Hettie—
If I had never married Hettie, there would be no Tema.
“What’s going through your mind, Bo?” Dr. Patel urges. “You’ve just realized something.”
“Are you a mind-reader?” I mutter.
“No, but your posture just changed. You can tell me if you like. Or not.”
“Or not.” But then she doesn’t say anything, just sits there with a tiny smile on her face like she’s waiting for me to break.
I last about thirty seconds.
“I’ve always felt like I needed to regret marrying Hettie like that because if we hadn’t, then Mom wouldn’t have died. But if we never got married, then there would be no Tema,” I relent.
Another glance at her notebook, and I wonder if there’s a full dossier on me in there. “Ah. Tema, the daughter you didn’t know about until a few days ago.”
“Yeah.”
“How do you feel about suddenly being a father?”
“Surprised.”
Dr. Patel chuckles. “I’m sure that’s an understatement. What I meant is, are you happy about it? Angry?”
“Why would I be angry? Tema is an amazing kid. I’m lucky to have her as mine.”
“Yes, she is yours, but Hettie kept her a secret. How do you feel about that? Take your time.”
There’s that smile again. With a huff of resentment, I think back to when Hettie appeared out of nowhere and showed me the picture of our daughter. How did I feel at that moment?
Shock… rage that she never told me. Wonder that we created such a perfect little human. Grudging respect for Hettie because why would she have told me when I pushed her out of my life?
Relief that I wasn’t the only one who did something wrong in this relationship.
“I was glad that I wasn’t the only bad guy,” I tell her finally. “She should have told me. It’s inexcusable that she never contacted me. But it’s also inexcusable that I forced her to leave. I didn’t give her any other option.”
“It kind of makes you even,you mean?”
“Sort of.”
“Interesting way of looking at it,” she muses.
“Does that mean it’s bad?” I demand.
“Not at all. None of your opinions or thoughts are either good or bad. They’re just yours. Now, back to your mother.”