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If I get the divorce from Bo.
That’s the plan. That’s why I’m here.
Maybe it’s because I’m so exhausted, but it doesn’t sound like a great plan right now.
I’ve never slept in a more comfortable bed.
And that’s with a squirming Tema tucked in beside me, her little body as warm as a hot water bottle.
We sleep in later than usual because the curtains are so dark and thick and my body clock hasn’t adjusted yet.
Flames still crackle in the fireplace, giving enough heat and light so I can see that Tema’s eyes are still tightlyclosed. I wonder if someone came in to stoke it already this morning. Bo poked it last night before he left.
Bo.
It was comfortable with him last night, but then again, it had always been comfortable with him. He always made me feel safe.
He made me feel a lot of things—attractive. Wanted. Respected. Seen.
None of those have changed. He’s the same Bo, albeit with thicker walls around his heart.
Or maybe they were always thick, but I had the key.
Tema stirs, rolling over in her sleep to throw an arm out, which hits me in the neck.
“Mommy,” she says sleepily.
“Good morning,” I murmur, reaching out to stroke her back. She curls into me.
“Why are you here?” Her eyes blink open. “Why am I in your bed? And I’m still in my clothes.”
I drop a kiss on her forehead, breathing in her special Tema-smell.
Which is a bit riper than usual, since we missed both bathtime and teeth brushing last night. “You fell asleep and I didn’t want to wake you to get you changed. We’re in the castle, remember? Prince Bo’s castle. We’re staying here with him.”
Tema rolls over and stretches like a cat. “My dad.”
My heart skips a beat at the ease with which she says that. “Your father,” I confirm.
She stares up at the dark ceiling. “It’s very dark here. Is it always this dark in Laandia?”
“The sun gets up a little later because we’re farther north than in Victoria. And remember I told you it will be a different time?”
“I remember.” She yawns, showing the spots where she’s already lost teeth. Four gone already, the adult teeth poking up from her gums. She lost her first tooth while eating an apple and didn’t even notice. She was almost hysterical when she realized she’d swallowed it, and thought her stomach would grow a new tooth.
I calmed her down and Abigail helped her draft a note to the Tooth Fairy explaining what had happened and could she still have her money for the tooth even though there was no tooth?
We didn’t have extra money for the Tooth Fairy, but I still found five loonies to leave under her pillow that night.
Money had always been tight even with Abigail’s help. My sister sent money when she could, and when Tema turned three, I started getting strange deposits in my bank account once a month. Since Mabel and Abigail’s parents had been the only ones to know about Tema, I suspected it was Mrs. Locke, but I never said anything, fearing that they would stop.
And I needed the money.
Every few months when things were especially tight, Abigail would make some comment about telling Bo, but I pretended to ignore her. Or I’d have some excuse ready.
“I think I may like Prince Bo as my father,” Tema decides like she can read where my thoughts are headed.
“Because he lives in a castle?” Tema has taken to the idea of Bo as her father with the ease of being presented with a new toy, but it still feels strange to me.