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She’s happy there.
I wipe down the blade and hang it up. “I didn’t really have a choice,” I admit. “If I got angry about her not telling me, it would take away my time with her. I know she had her reasons. And I don’t know how much time I’ve got with them.”
Odin puts his sword on the rack. “You really think Hettie will leave with her?”
“I don’t know. I get why she didn’t tell me—I don’t like it, but I get it. Things weren’t good between us when she left, and that was on me.”
“What happened, Bo?” Odin faces me, his expression one of concern.
Odin has always had his life together. Even when he abdicated his position as second in line to the throne, he ended up smelling like roses with Camille, running things in in Saint Pierre while the rest of us scrambled. We’re close, but I’ve never had much in common with him. We both like books and weapons with sharp edges; he’s able to communicate, and I have problems with that. But when I need to talk to someone, Odin is always one of the first on my list.
“I know I didn’t know about the wedding, but anyone who saw the two of you together could tell how much you loved her,” Odin continues.
“I’m the reason Mom died.” I don’t mean to tell him. The words just popped out and now I can’t take them back.
Odin whirls around. “What?”
“I’m the reason Mom died.” I don’t need a deep breath of courage; I just say it. After keeping the secret for so long, it’s surprisingly easy to confess. It’s like I want people to know. To blame me so I have more of a reason to feel guilty.
“No, you’re not.” Odin shakes his head. “It was an accident. You weren’t even there. There was that freak storm and the bridge was slippery and she—”
“I told her I married Hettie and then she left to pick up Lyra. She was upset. She shouldn’t have been driving.”
“Why would she be upset?” Odin’s expression of concern is gone; now he’s only confused.
“Because I’m a prince and I got married without telling anyone.” Odin shrugs. “She wasupset,” I say loudly. “I got married and no one knew about it.”
“Maybe?” I can tell Odin isn’t convinced. “But Bo, I can’t see her being that upset to make her lose control of the car. This is the woman who taught our brother to race cars, remember?”
“I—”
Ididforget. I forgot all about the fact that it wasMomwho taught us all to drive. Duncan and one of the drivers did most of it, but Mom would take us out on the back roads behind the castle, laughing as the speedometer went higher and higher. She taught us what to do when we swerved, how to drive in the snow.
She took us to deserted parking lots and let us do donuts until we were dizzy. She could be going eighty and pull the parking brake; a sweet move that would have her going in the opposite direction before you’d know what was happening.
Our mother had liked speed, had liked to drive fast, and she was really good at it.
How could I have forgotten that?
“She was ready for one of us to meet someone and get married,” Odin continues, unaware of the flurry of my thoughts. “Maybe she was mad that you didn’t tell her, but she would have been happy if you were happy. It’s stupid to blame yourself. If talking to a therapist has taught me anything, it’s that it was an accident. It’s no one’s fault.”
For the first time, the words start to sink in.
27
Hettie
Idon’t see Bothe next morning. When I make my way down to the dining room with Tema and Abigail, Mrs. Theissen tells me he’s already eaten breakfast.
I’m not comfortable asking the housekeeper where he might be or to start wandering around the castle in search of him.
And after last night, I need a little space, anyway.
That moment in my room—I thought Bo was going to kiss me. And the worst thing was that Iwantedhim to.
This only adds to my guilt.
It’s not fair to Timothy for me to want to kiss someone else, and I need a little space to figure things out.