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“Yeah, but in a good way. You were tight—and happy. At least most of the time. It was… nice. When I heard she was leaving, I didn’t get it. For days after, I thought you were about to take off as well,” he adds, looking at me sadly. “I couldn’t picture what you’d do without her.”
Kalle quickly adds some levity to the somberness. “Look at all the compassion and insight from the young one.” He reaches out and rubs Gunnar’s head.
“At least I had a clue what was going on.” Gunnar ducks away.
“Yeah, well, I didn’t handle things well with Hettie after…” I trail off. I already said the words once and that was enough. “She got tired of me being a mess and took off.”
“I think there was more than that,” Spencer chides. “You were uncommunicative. No one could get through to you, not even Hettie.”
They all look at me like I’m about to explain why I had been like that. Because yes, our mother’s death was difficult for all of us, but at least they could function.
Because they weren’t the reason that she died.
“I don’t want to get into that now,” I say with a shake of my head. “The point is, I have a child. A daughter. And I have no clue what to do about it.”
“You do what you have to do—you be a father,” Kalle snaps. His blue eyes—same shape as mine, but lighter—narrow as he says it, like I’m about to bail on Tema.
That is not an option. That has never been an option.
Already, I want Tema in my life with a ferocity that frightens me.
“But what if Hettie leaves again?” Just voicing my biggest fear makes it seem more real. Like it could really happen. “What then? How am I supposed to be a father here and Hettie is in British Columbia?”
“Make sure she doesn’t leave,” Gunnar says simply.
13
Hettie
It’s surprising how littlethere is to do in a castle.
At least for me. Kate gives Abigail and a very excited Tema a tour of the grounds while I text Timothy and tell him about what has happened.
It’s strange that I haven’t thought of him all day.
I met Timothy on a very bad day, during a very bad month. He worked in the office with me, as one of the agents, but we’d never spoken. He was handsome and successful; I sat behind the desk answering phones and wanting to disappear most days.
We met when Tema was in kindergarten, on a day I had been rushing to pick her up. It was a wet day, as it can be in Victoria, the rain coming down in sheets. A car rear-ended me a few blocks from the office.
There wasn’t much damage save a dent and a broken taillight, but when I got out of the car into the rain, my phone slipped out of my hand and the screen smashed as it hit the street.
I was frantic to find someone to pick up Tema from school and was about to leave the scene of an accident when Timothy stopped. He had been driving by and somehow recognized me from the office. He lent me his phone to call Abigail, suggested a garage thathe knew for repairs, and gave me a ride home after I dropped off the car.
He didn’t say anything when I cried.
It had been a bad January; a bad case of Covid for all of us meant I was forced to take more than two weeks off work. Time off meant no money, and we were already struggling to make ends meet. My grandfather was in the hospital with chest pains and Mabel had visited us over Christmas which always made me miss home more. Now with car repairs and needing a new phone… it had been a very bad day.
The next day I showed up at the office ready to apologize to him but found a bouquet of flowers at my desk, as well as gift-bag. Timothy had bought me a new phone.
I told him I couldn’t accept it, thanked him but tried to give it back, but he was persistent. There were reasons he was a good real estate agent. I ended up keeping the phone and agreeing to go for dinner with him the next night.
And the one after that.
It had been over five years since I left Laandia, and I was still sad. Lonely. I still felt connected to Bo, but I had seen pictures of him with his family. With other women. There was guilt that came with spending time with Timothy, but considering the distance between me and Bo, and the years that had gone by without any contact, I was able to push it aside.
Slowly, Timothy bumped into my life like a floatation belt thrown in to a rough ocean. I didn’t need him; I made sure I never relied on him, but I had to admit, he was nice to have around.
He knew the truth about Tema. It took me over a year to tell him, but eventually I trusted him enough to tell him about Bo.