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I’m going to need it.

He just ran outside straight into danger without another thought, and meanwhile, my lungs are threatening to just give out from fear at the thought.

But I’m doing it.

Courage isn’t the absence of fear. In fact, you can’t be brave without fear. At its very core, being courageous is when you’re terrified but do it anyway, facing what scares you the most head-on.

And losing Gavin is my worst nightmare.

Unfortunately, shooting a gun isn’t something I’m great at doing. Sure, I’ve been to the range. I’ve even been hunting. But I never enjoyed it or excelled with marksmanship.

Still, I can do what needs to be done, even if it takes me a few shots. And if anyone is hurting Gavin, I will shoot off any part of their body that I can hit.

If we live through this ordeal, I am going to practice every single week until I can accurately take down any threats. It’s too late now and I need to work with the limited skill set that I have, but I won’t be caught off-guard ever again.

I will be prepared for anything and be a partner to Gavin in every sense of the word. An equal. A united front that can take on any adversity. Together.

“I need to go find him,” I say to Gavin’s mom, interrupting her mid-sentence.

She’s been trying to distract me with stories about Gavin and Bobby as babies, but it’s not working. I can’t focus on the words she’s saying, only the tremor in her voice.

Even though she’s full of anxiety, she’s still trying to help me. His entire family is selfless. Brave. Kind.

And, dammit, I am going to earn my place here until I’m part of their hearts.

“Ashley, no,” she replies, the fear in her voice ratcheting up another six notches. “It’s hurting me, too. Believe me, sweet girl, my heart is breaking and I’m terrified. But we would get in his way, maybe give away his position, and just make things harder on him. Henry will be here soon. He and his men are trained to help. We have to wait for them.”

“What if Gavin can’t wait for the police to arrive? They could still be forty minutes away. What if Gavin needs helpnow? How am I going to live with myself if he dies because of me?” I wail. “Please. I need to try and do something.”

“Ashley, you could wind up dead yourself.”

“I don’t care,” I reply, and I mean it. “I’d die for him. I need him safe and in one piece. I don’t care about myself. I love him. I love him. I love him so, so much.”

“Oh, Ashley,” she says, and now she’s crying, too.

I wipe the tears from my eyes because it won’t do to fall apart now. I won’t be able to find Gavin if I can’t see him, and I won’t be able to get a decent shot if my hands are shaking.

One deep breath.

Two.

Three.

I can face this danger.

Ican.

His mom protests further, the fear in her voice rattling around in my heart and making me scream internally. I beg her to stay in the house and not tell her husband that I’m heading outside because he’d come after me. Hopefully, I can get to Gavin faster than he can.

I disconnect the call rather than continuing to argue with her. It’s not that she’s wrong. I’m likely heading on a fool’s mission.

But the decision has been made and no one is going to stop me.

I’m going after my man.

We’re ending this bullshit tonight – together.

The sound I heard will haunt me forever, and even I know Montana well enough to realize that no animal makes that noise unless something horrible is happening.