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“How are you?” I ask, kissing along his scruffy jawline.

There’s just something about Gavin that brings out everything tender inside of me. I’ve never been so compelled to take care of a man in my life, and I love catering to him.

“I’m a creature of habit,” Gavin says. “I have to be considering the cycles of the ranch. Routines have always given me comfort, but today…” He shakes his head, and I kiss a tear off his cheek. “Today, they were hell because with everything I did, I missed Scout.”

Gavin has never shied away from talking about his emotions, and he was always comfortable being vulnerable with me inside and out of the bedroom.

Bobby was the twin who pretended nothing phased him, and I can’t believe that he got close enough to a girl to propose to her. I always assumed Gavin would be the first one down the aisle, but a selfish part of me is sure glad that he didn’t pop the question to anyone.

“Sometimes, you feel the absence of someone more than you ever felt someone’s presence,” I say. “That’s how you know they mattered, whether human or animal. You can be surrounded by people, even people you care about, and still just be missing the one who isn’t there. And it’s so goddamn hard, and I’m so sorry you’re going through it. Dogs don’t live long enough to begin with, and Scout’s life was cut far too short.”

“I just wish I had been there to protect him.”

“You want to protect everyone.”

“Nah,” he says, with a small smile, “just my family and you.”

His words hit me right in the heart and ovaries because I thought that I lost family status. But maybe, I’ve slowly been earning it back.

“I want to protect you, too,” I whisper.

When I’m about to kiss his lips, the mare closest to us huffs really loud and pushes me with her nose.

Gavin chuckles. “Chestnut is a jealous girl.”

“Apparently. I guess neither of us like to share.”

He passes the keys and shoots me an expectant look. When I take them without saying anything more, he raises an eyebrow.

“Is everything okay?” he finally asks. “You’re being awfully secretive.”

“I’m okay. Just have an appointment.”

“Alright,” he says, not pushing any further. “We’ll meet up for dinner tonight? You can cook me something epic.”

“Deal.”

“Those are the keys to my mom’s car, by the way. I’d be cool with you driving my truck, but you can’t get in.”

“Point. I’ll see you later.”

After stepping away from Chestnut and sharing a long, lingering kiss with Gavin, I make my way to the vehicle, turn the GPS on my phone, and start the two-hour drive to the closest major city.

Our little town doesn’t have what I need, and thankfully I was able to get an appointment on short notice due to a cancellation.

When I was packaged out of my company, I retained my benefits for six months as part of a really generous offer. Unfortunately, my ex drained the settlement money and left me with a ton of debt. It was the most expensive lesson I’ve ever learned.

But he couldn’t take the benefits, and I want to use them before I lose them. The answers that I need are expensive to find out, and it’s now or never.

Chapter 27

Gavin

Thefirstdayafteryou experience loss is always hard, but the thing about grief is that it ebbs and flows. I could have another day like today in a few months if something triggers me. With death, time doesn’t heal everything.

But getting to spend the evening with Ashley sure does ease some of the sore spots.

She’s getting back from the city later than expected, so I ended up making us dinner instead of waiting for her to do it. I’m definitely not a chef, but my mama didn’t raise an incompetent man either.