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It doesn’t matter how often she says she dislikes it, that’s what she is to me. The little queen to my heart.

Eighteen

Nina

“It’s silly, but I really do need girl time,”Cassidy says, flopping onto her back. Abbott tickles her sides, making her scream as she tries to get away.

Giggling, I press my fingers to my lips as I watch them. I love these nightly chats with the packs. It makes me feel less alone when I’m in this huge house, walking on eggshells around my mother.

I have to make sure not to show too much of my room on the video calls, since I don’t have a door anymore. I also no longer have curtains or fucking doors on my closet or bathroom as of earlier today. I got home from ice skating, and my mother was very busy taking apart my room.

Then there’s the fact that I can’t get into anything comfortable until after the call, and I have to wear my wig which is starting to itch uncontrollably. All I want to do is rip it off and throw it across the room!

Holding back a sigh, I force my attention back to Cassidy and Abbott. I had the best day, but then it all went to shit. And that kiss… God, can Ellis kiss.

I’m very confused when it comes to him, and why everyone is so comfortable with us hanging out. It feels as if they make an effort to include him in everything.

I also am aware of how precarious my life is. I’m not allowed to relax, have anything that belongs to only me, or enjoy life too much.

Bad things happen when I do.

“Nina,” Abbott says, getting comfortable on his bed with Cassidy. She said they sleep in a giant puppy pile, which sounds nice.

I just don’t think this whole love thing is for me. Maybe I could just be mildly happy, and that’ll have to be enough. More and more often, I feel as if there’s something wrong with me or that I lost something important when I was at Weeping Willow Institute.

…I just don’t know what it could be.

“Yes,” I say with a small smile.

“You look sleepy, or just kind of out of it,” he observes.

“Kind of, yes. Running every morning didn’t prepare me for the different muscles needed for skating,” I tease.

Cassidy grins, shrugging. “The guys said you did awesome, though. You only fell once, I hear.”

“Yes, and ugh. It wasn’t even when we were first starting,” I laugh, remembering. “I hit a patch of ice that wasn’t as smooth and I went flying. I was totally fine, but I’ve never seen Lyle so upset before.”

“Precious cargo,” she murmurs, smirking. “It’s supposed to be nice this weekend. I think we should go check out the festival they’re having downtown.”

“You suck,” Abbott groans. “I have to go see my family this weekend. Not that I don’t love them, but I hate missing out.”

“Ooops,” Cassidy says, winking at me. “We’ll send you photos and show you everything you’re missing.”

“She’s so mean to me,” he grumbles. “My mom is going tointerrogate me about you, Nina. Please keep me entertained with texts.”

I like how easy the conversation is with them. My mother says ultimately, I don’t have a choice about who I pack up with. My job is to make sure I’m interesting enough to them to keep their attention.

Whoever puts in their formal request to make me theirs first, will be who she sends me off with. Except no one has yet, and I haven’t the faintest idea as to why.

“I will,” I promise Abbott. I can see the shadow of a body outside of my room, and wonder what my mother has to say to me now. “I’ll let you go to enjoy the rest of your night, though. I look forward to this weekend, Cassidy.”

They get a pinched look on their faces, but nod. This isn’t the first time my voice has gotten stilted because my mother is listening to my conversation. I just can’t keep up my concentration under pressure like this.

I’m constantly worried about saying the wrong thing, or responding improperly. It just really stresses me out.

“Talk later,” Cassidy says, waving before I say goodbye and end the call.

“Why are you so awkward?” my mother asks, stepping into the room. “Honestly, Nina. All of the conversation cards in the world won’t fix you, I fear. Nothing important came out of your call. You should be pushing for some kind of commitment from the packs.”