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Running the soapy towel over her shoulders, I made my way down to her back to wash there first. “You heard from Gema today?”
“Yeah. Willearl had took her to Betty Jo house the last time we talked.”
“Where is she staying?”
“With him and Bonnie. She doesn’t wanna stay with my Mama and her husband.”
So, Gema is okay. I wonder what could have happened to cause this sullen mood.
“You called Best Buy?”
“Yeah. They’re going to deliver them to your office space. I’ll come by and organize them, so they won’t be in the way in case you rent that space out.”
“You don’t have to do that. I’ll take care of it. In fact, I’ll keep it vacant until we can have everything moved into the school.”
“Thank you,” she mumbled.
“No need.”
“Remember that kid, Quantavious?”
Quantavious, Quantavious.I repeated in my head until the light bulb went off. “The one who you tried to keep from leaving the center that day?”
“Yeah. He’s been on the run. I found out today that he’s in custody of APD.”
“I’m assuming that’s a good thing.”
“Yeah.” She nodded, then frowned immediately. “I’m glad he went willingly otherwise we would be having a different conversation.”
“Is that what’s got you in such a bad mood?”
“I feel like I failed him, Harvey. Like I could have done more.”
“What more could you have done? You didn’t make that decision for him and you for damn sure didn’t put that gun in his hand.”
“I know that. But still… I could’ve done something else had I not reacted so late.”
“Look at me Talitha.” I grabbed her chin and tipped her head toward me. “You didn’t fail him. If anything, you tried to offer him an out. That kid had his mind made up before he even came to you. At least he cared enough about you to come and tell you bye. He didn’t have to do that.”
“I offered to get him counseling.” She fretted as her eyes filled with tears. “He turned it down.”
“He didn’t want it. You could’ve offered him anything thing in the world, if his mind was made up then there was nothing you could have done. This one isn’t on you Talitha. You can’t carry someone else’s burden.”
“Umph,” she scoffed. “I’ve been doing it my whole fucking life.”
“And it gets tiring.” Turning her head forcefully she snatched out of my grasp. Dropping the towel in her lap, I grabbed her face between the palm of my hands. “That tape that’s holding you up was put there byyou. You’re too busy trying to save the world Talitha when the person you should be trying to save is yourself. You can’t be anything to anyone until you first be it for yourself. Stop trying to fight battles for the world.”
“I don’t want to fight in general,” she admitted while the tears she was holding back rushed down her face.
“Then stop baby. All you’re doing is hurting yourself. Everyone sees how hard you go for those kids. We applaud your effort. Focus on the ones you can impact and do whatever youcanwithinreason for the ones you can’t. That’s the only thing you can do.”
“It’s easier said than done,” she argued.
“No, it’s not. You’ve gotta learn how to separate the two. If you don’t, you’re going to end up killing yourself from stress. Then who gon’ take care of Gema.”
“My pissy ass Mama.” She laughed.
Dropping her face, I mushed her head and chuckled. “You talking real crazy right now.”