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“If you didn’t want kids, why weren’t you guys using condoms?”
“We used them occasionally. Most of the time we didn’t. I’m a grown ass man. I coated her walls every chance I got. I knew what the risk were, and I was prepared for it. Talitha on the other hand apparently wasn’t. After I confronted her. you know what she said to me? She said ‘she lost her grandmother, and the baby was the only person she had left’.”
“Is she planning on going through this alone?”
“That’s what the fuck it feels like to me. That made me think about you. About how you were never there for me.” Bringing my head up, I looked at her. “Was I not enough?”
In my forty-six years of living, I’ve only felt unsure or insecure within myself twice and that was when my mother loved Sincere in ways she never loved me and when Adele denied me of having her forever. I’m a grown ass man that’s accomplished a lot of things in my life. How is it that the only three women I’ve ever loved in my life made me feel like I wasn’t good enough?
“Lawton, you are enough. I can’t speak for Talitha but as for me, you’re my child. I messed up with you and I’ve beat myself up about it daily. But darling you are enough; you’ve always been enough. And anybody that can’t see that, including myself, don’t deserve to have you in their life.
You are one of the most generous souls walking this Earth. Every person that comes in contact with you knows that you’d go through great lengths for them. Your soul shines bright in the middle of a dark room. You have that same charismatic smile that made me fall in love with you boy’s father. You are enough,” she affirmed.
“Then why does it feel like I’m not? She was going to keep my kid away from me. I sat there and listened to her tell me that she had prepared herself for the day I would walk away not knowing she said it cause she knew the whole time she was expecting. She crawled her ass into my bed that same night in her feelings because I’d walked away from her.”
“When I met her grandmother, she made me promise that I wouldn’t let you give up on Talitha. And I’m going to keep my promise. That womanknewyou were the man her granddaughter was supposed to end up with. God rest her soul.
Take all the time that you need to settle your spirit. But Lawton you can’t walk out on her. You would be doing both of you a disservice. She’s going through something right now and she needs you the most. She’s going to push you away because it’s easier to do than to admit her wrong doings. Don’t give up on her just yet.”
“I don’t know. I don’t know if I can continue trying to show something that she hasn’t stopped to realize yet. Maybe we were meant to cross paths for a reason. Maybe it’s not meant for us to be together. What if this was God’s plan all along?”
“What was God’s plan?”
“To bring us together so we could open our hearts and fix the things that were broken years ago. I’m sitting here talking to you. That wouldn’t have happened a year ago.” I chuckled.
“Everything is God’s plan, Lawton.”
“I think I’m ready to do family counseling.”
“I thought you had already decided that?” she asked.
“I was still straddling the fence in a way. How about you come home with me for a few weeks? Give Sincere a break.”
“Home with you as in stay under the same roof as you.”
“Where else would you stay mother?”
“Hey!” She held her hands in the air. “I’m just trying to make sure. I don’t want to encroach on you.”
“It’s not encroaching if I’m inviting you.”
“Are we ready for that?”
“I don’t know. I guess we will see.”
After having our conversation, my mother, myself, and Sincere went out and had lunch as a family for the first time ever. I don’t know. Being around them made me feel a tad bit better. When we made it back to her house, Sincere helped her pack her things and the two of us hopped on the road. We hadn’t lived under the same roof since before I dipped off to college but if I was going to work on my relationship with her, I needed to really commit to it. And the only way for me to do that was having her close by.
CHAPTER 36
Talitha
“That’s everything?” Gema’s lawyer asked.
“It is,” I confirmed and signed my name on the papers.
After the way shit went down the night of the funeral, I was washing my hands with all of them. My mama putting my business out there was the nail in the fucking coffin for me. Gema and Papa Joe left everything to me, and I knew I would end up fighting the siblings in court, so I signed it all over to them. The money that I was set to receive I had split between them, I even left Louise with all of Gema’s jewelry.
I was walking away with nothing but the money that Papa Joe had left to me. I earned that money, and they couldn’t have it. My mama wanted Gema house so bad, I signed that shit right over to them. What they did with the money wasn’t my concern. They wanted the shit so bad so they could deal with it. The attorney wanted me to put money aside in a trust to cover the taxes on the house. He feared they wouldn’t keep up with it. I declined and told him to give the money to them. If they lost the house, that was their issue and not mine. I was even having my Mustang delivered to my house.